A Turn For The Worse
by Angeliss
Summary: I hated Twilight. My sister's fawning over Edward seemed like the worst thing that could have happened, even including my getting stuck touring Forks with her, but it wasn't. It could get so much worse. OC, canon ships. NOT self insert.
1. Preface

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, nor ar any of the recognizable characters or world.

* * *

Preface

The book fell from the girl's numb fingers and landed on the ground. It flew open to the preface, having been turned there so often. The girl loved this book, savoring each and every word. Her scent was soaked into the pages from so much recent handling.

Most people remembered the line "When life offers you a dream so far beyond your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end." Those words gave them chills running down their spines, as they realized that the heroine was about to die for something she loved. It wasn't those words that gave the girl chills now.

My eyes fell on the line before. "I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now." How ironic. It wasn't me facing death, at least, not now. It was her. I dragged my eyes up from the page and found the girl staring at me.

She babbled on, a look of fear filling her eyes. Her heartbeat picked up speed, entrancing me. Unconsciously, I licked my lips, and she backed away.

Whatever she said made no difference to me. But then she said something that made me stop. My name. She said my name. In the very back of my mind, a voice whispered, "stop, don't".

But the monster had already taken over. This was no longer my decision to make.

I crouched, ready to pounce. I was so very thirsty…

* * *

AN: As this is a "Twilight is real" fic, at first there will be a lot of OC characters. I had to make it realistic. But canon characters will be in this fic. And I will not have relationships between them and my OCs. So just be patient if you aren't a huge fan of OCs, and this will really pick up.

Please review!


	2. Chapter One: Road Trip

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The only things I own are Samantha and Brianne.

* * *

"How close are we now? I can't wait until we get there!" my little sister squealed. I rolled my eyes, but quickly. I didn't want to lose sight of the road while I was driving.

"I am going to search everywhere to see if I can find my Edward there. That is the most important thing on my list. And next is to see where everything is. The school, the Cullen house, even La Push." She wrinkled her nose in distaste at the last part.

"We already have an itinerary, Brianne. We're going to all of those places, and we will see everything from La Push to the school and the forest." Finding an Edward was not on the itinerary, but I wasn't going to rub that in her face, not if I wanted her to be quiet.

"Plans can change," Brianne sniffed. Then she changed the subject back to dear Edward again. "Edward has got to be the hottest thing around, don't you think? He's absolutely gorgeous and he acts like a gentleman. The perfect guy. No one else will ever quite match up." She sighed.

I snorted with laughter. "Of course no one will ever match up to him! Edward is a fictional character, as in, not real? Perfect people don't exist." I should know, I thought to myself. No matter how perfect you thought they were, they always failed.

"That's because you only pick losers. There's an Edward out there just waiting for you, I know it," my sister said confidently.

I wasn't about to argue with the 'picking losers' part; that would have been a lost cause. Because it was true. I've had a myriad of bad boyfriends. I've been cheated on by two of them, one of whom I walked in on. I found out that I was a cover for someone who was only pretending to be straight. I should have known he was gay, too. And I guess I also walked in on him as well. Not an experience I'd like to repeat. I've had guys try and rough me up. But I can take care of myself. Mostly. Cell phones with 911 on speed dial are my friends. So either I refuse to do what the guy wants (and they always want the same thing- talk about one track minds), and either he walks out or he limps out. Or I walk away, which is far more common. Mostly, they walk out, unless I get a really lucky kick or punch in there. And I'm so small, I guess it's mostly the surprise that lets me land it in the first place.

I'm not even going to mention the last one. Or the one before him. Or… Well, you get the picture. But Edward was still not my dream boyfriend.

"And what if I don't want an Edward?" I taunted.

She sat up in her seat and stared at me. "Edward Cullen kicks Jacob's butt!"

I smirked. Edward had flaws that were yet to appear, I was sure of it. No offense to all you Edward lovers out there, but I really do like the kid. He seemed like someone I could relate with easily. And he's not a vampire. I don't want Bella to end up with him, because I think he deserves better, or maybe better suited should be the term I want. But I guess you could say I'm on Team Jacob. I wanted a kid like Jacob, who admitted his flaws and worked on them. Well, not a kid, an adult. I was 19, and I wanted someone around my own age.

"They're both too young for me. And too old for you. And I believe I already mentioned the fact that they're not real?"

Brianne crossed her arms. "I don't care," she muttered, and stared out the window.

Finally the car was quiet from all of her chatter. My head was already hurting, and we still had a half hour of driving ahead of us. We continued on in silence, and I was left to my thoughts.

You'd think that after the constant arguments we had that Brianne would get over her childish Edward dreams, that I would knock some sense into the girl, hopefully before she got her heart broken. I didn't want her to end up like me, disillusioned and tired of romance. But she insisted that there was an Edward out there for her, and even though I knew it was impossible, I still wished that it could be true. Maybe that was why I kept going out with the losers, because I couldn't admit to myself that there wasn't someone out there for me. Maybe someday one of them would surprise me.

I shook the thoughts away. Even my mind wasn't a refuge at the moment. There was our exit. I pulled into the lane, and my car grumbled.

"We're almost there," I said. Brianne perked up instantly. I held up a hand. "Before we get there, I'm setting some ground rules. Cell phone stays on at all times, and on your person at all times. No leaving to go off somewhere by yourself, no going off without telling me _period_, no turning your phone to silent, and if I say to do something, do it immediately. I have to bring you home in one piece or Mom and Dad will kill me. Don't forget what nearly happened when Bella wandered off in Port Angeles. I don't have super senses to track you down with." Dear Lord, I was comparing things to Twilight. I have been spending way too much time around Brianne and her friends.

"Okay," she said meekly.

I raised my eyebrow. "Okay?"

"If you get too upset with me, you take me back early. I have to at least behave myself." She shrugged.

I stared at her for a moment, my eyes narrowing. Maybe I should use Twilight references more if they made her this compliant.

"Watch the road!" she scolded. "I don't want to die before we even get there. You just said you didn't have super senses."

I turned my gaze back to the road, but not before rolling my eyes again. This was going to be a long week.

You see, my sister made me read the Twilight books. She's a fan, in every sense of the word. While "rabid fan girl" might not apply to every fan her age, it was the easiest way to describe her. She's 14, and all I ever hear her talking about is how Edward is so amazing and that he would treat her better than anyone else ever has or ever will.

Well, I guess I actually read the books on my own, no coercion. It was just to see what all the fuss was about. If I read them, she'd stop bugging me about them right? Wrong. After I finished Eclipse, she grilled me. What did I like, what didn't I like, and how on earth could I _not_ like it.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're probably wondering who I am, aren't you? My name is- was- Samantha Kincaid. I know, it sounds like one the American Girl characters. Meet Samantha! Well, I'm no American Girl. I'm just a cynical girl who has long since learned that Edward or people like him do not exist.

I'm too insecure. I don't want the perfect man, undead or not, because I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always. And it would drop, because perfection does not exist in the real world. Maybe he's gay, or he cheats. There has to be some flaw, and if I can't see it, then it must be the worst ones possible. Believe me, it's happened every time. Bella attracts danger; I attract jerks.

I don't know what attracts them to me. I look a lot younger than I am. Maybe it's that extra sense of innocence I have, I don't know. It's not as easy to fool me as you might think. I'm stubborn when I want to be.

I have long, straight, brown hair, and what I guess you could call delicate features. I had very large blue eyes that are set too far apart. I think they made me look like I have no intelligence. Maybe they think they can get laid because I'm stupid. Well, I got news for you- appearances can be deceiving. Yeah, I know, you've probably heard that one by now. So why doesn't anyone listen?

Everyone else says my eyes make me look like a child. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult. I stand about 5'6", with a slim build, practically no curves, and am, of course, pale. Just like a vampire. Ugh.

Let me just put it out there. I hate vampires. I hate the idea that they prey on human blood, I hate the idea of living forever. My dream is to live a fulfilling life with the one I love, and then just drift off into eternity, lying in bed next to him. Of course, finding the love of my life comes before dying on my to-do list. I also hate blood. I faint at the sight of it. The whole idea of vampires I just find rather gross. I don't find it gross anymore, more… disturbing. I'll explain that later.

Dead and sexy are not compatible terms in my mind, let alone undead and sexy. I can just imagine being in Bella's predicament. "Hey, Charlie, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm in love with a corpse, and we're getting married this summer. You remember Edward, right?"

You are all probably thinking that if I hate vampires so much, what am I doing here, right? Well, I have my own story to tell. And it involves vampires. Real ones. I'll get there, I promise.

So I surprised my sister by telling her that I was on Team Jacob, simply because Jacob was the kid I would have chosen. We got into many arguments about that. She insisted that Edward was the only man for her, and Jacob was a jerk. I told her that even if Edward was real, he was in love with Bella, not Brianne. Brianne hated that she couldn't argue with that, and would end the argument by stomping off to her room and slamming the door.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, let me tell you.

Brianne was not just irritating me. She was irritating my parents, and my brother, who is not interested in romance of any kind, let alone fictional ones. He's only 12, for goodness sake. And they all decided that I was not irritated by all of this Twilight mania, and so I would take her with me to go see Forks this summer. Not that I was interested, but who was asking me?

We live in Oregon, so it's a not too big of a trip. And my parents offered to pay me, and I really needed a new car… To be honest, I wasn't quite sure it was up to the road trip. The muffler needed to be replaced, meaning it roared like a lion every time I stepped on the gas, and the white paint was chipping away, revealing large rusty spots. Its one saving grace was the fact that it got good gas mileage. Brianne loved it. It reminded her of Bella's truck.

Brianne was delighted and wouldn't let me back out of this trip. After all, I was a legal adult, so I had to be the one to take her. No one else was going to. And all I wanted was for her to shut up about Twilight. Reading the books hadn't worked, but maybe this trip would do it. That was my vain hope, anyway.

So there we were. The over-exuberant teenage fangirl, and her bitter older sister/babysitter, on a trip to Forks, Washington, the home of Twilight. We had no idea what we were in for.

* * *

AN: So that was chapter one. If you don't like Samantha right now (and that's understandable- I didn't like her at first) she will have some character changes. Keep that in mind.

Please review!


	3. Chapter Two: Touring

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, although I do own Samantha and Brianne, and I wish I owned the Eclipse car...

Chapter beta thanks to amgglekim. Any mistakes are mine.

* * *

Chapter Two: Touring

My car grumbled to a halt after we parked in the campgrounds, on the very far side, the closest to the woods. I was rather proud of my car. It stopped without making any funny noises, breaking down on the highway, or anything else embarrassing or costly.

I glanced at the campground. We'd chosen the cheapest one- the one by the Olympic Rainforest, on the far eastern side of Forks. Tents were everywhere. It seemed that Twilight fans were traveling to Forks this summer like Muslims traveled to Mecca. Twilight symbols, Twilight books, even the car across the way was custom-painted black with a fraying red ribbon across the side instead of flames. I had to admit, it did look pretty cool, but I would die before doing that to my poor car.

"This is so awesome! Look at all the people!" Brianne scrambled out of the car and looked around with an awed expression on her face. "They're all here for Twilight! This is so amazing!"

Yeah. Amazing. Not only was Brianne going to drive me crazy with her obsession, but with all of this… I was never going to escape, was I? Twilight was going to take over everything, leaving millions of gooey-eyed Briannes in its wake.

"And that car… Could we do that to your car? It'll be mine someday, anyway."

I gave Brianne my infamous death glare, the one that was supposed to make her drop the subject without comment.

She batted her eyes at me. "Please?"

Obviously my death glare needed some work. "No," I said firmly, the same way I did to my dog, who gave me the same puppy eyes that Brianne was giving me now. Brianne dropped the expression as soon as she saw that she wasn't going to win this argument.

I walked back to my car and began pulling the sleeping bags out. Whose stupid idea was it to put the tent underneath everything else? I dragged it out bit by bit, until the tent gave way and I landed on my butt.

Brianne looked over my shoulder. "Man, you didn't pack very well. It looks like you just shoved everything in there."

Right. It was my stupid idea. I got up and dumped the tent poles out of the bag. "Brianne, mind giving me a hand here?" I passed them to her. "Hook these up for me, will you?"

She obediently started snapping them into place, and I got the body of the tent situated. "Okay, can you thread that one along here, and pass it to me?" Brianna did, and then together we hooked it into the ground. "Next one." She handed it to me, and I did the same with it.

"Done!" I announced, and unzipped the door, smoothing over the bottom to get rid of the wrinkles. "Let's get situated. Toss me the sleeping bags." But Brianne wasn't there. I crawled out of the doorway.

"Brianne, where are you?" I called. No answer. "Brianne!"

"Over here," she called back. I turned, and saw her waving at me. She was across the street, in the space next to the car with the nice custom paint job, and with a group of girls around her age, who were all chattering to each other. I walked over to them. Every single one of them was wearing something Twilight related. There was a Jasper Cullen Fan club shirt and one with a decal that said _"Edward Cullen- Sexier than you since 1901"_. The last girl was wearing a silver shirt that said _"Officially Dazzled" _on the back. I was dazzled. Or maybe the word I was looking for was blinded.

"Samantha, this is Audrey, Anna, and Emma," Brianne said, pointing to each of the girls in turn.

"Nice to meet you," I said politely before turning back to Brianne. "What did I say about wandering off?"

"I was in eyesight and earshot," Brianne said, tossing her hair defiantly. "I wasn't going anywhere."

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then slowly blew it out. I didn't want to get into an argument this early. "Okay. But I do need your help getting the stuff unpacked."

"In a minute," Brianne said, and turned back to the group. "We're up from Oregon."

"Really? We're doing the Twilight tour. We just finished the drive here from Phoenix yesterday," the one with the sparkly shirt said. I still didn't know which name belonged to which girl.

"Lucky! I tried to convince my parents to let me do the whole Twilight tour, Volterra included, but they said no," Brianne said sadly.

"That's too bad. At least you get to come up here, right?"

"Yeah. So, are you guys all Team Edward?" Brianne asked, her face brightening up with her favorite topic. Inwardly I groaned.

"Absolutely! We all are, except for Audrey, here," said the girl with the Jasper Cullen shirt, nudging the girl with the _"Sexier than you since 1901"_ shirt. So that was Audrey. One down, two to go.

"I'm Team Bella," Audrey explained. "I can't decide. Edward is so strong and caring, but Jacob can give her so much more…" Her eyes went out of focus in the same way that Brianne's did when she talked about Edward. Twilight gave a whole new meaning to daydreaming that was for certain.

"What could possibly be worth more than Edward?" scoffed silver-shirt-girl.

"Emma, be nice," warned _"Sexier than You"_ shirt girl.

"What? I was just saying… Edward is as good as it gets. Jacob is a jerk."

"I agree with you, but that doesn't mean you have to be rude about it. Audrey's the minority here. Just be more conscientious, will you?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Sure thing, Anna."

Audrey turned to Brianne. "So have you ever been to Forks before?"

"No," Brianne answered.

"Neither have we. Maybe we'll see a lot of each other!"

I walked back to the tent. It was going to take a long time to extract Brianne from her fellow Edward-lovers. I threw the sleeping bags and pillows in the tent, when I belatedly realized that tomorrow all of their shirts would be different. That was just great. I hoped I wouldn't have to memorize who they were. But then again, we were talking about Brianne here, the girl who made friends within a snap of her fingers and glued herself to them forever. I would definitely be meeting them again.

The suitcases were next. They thumped into the tent one after the other. I looked up. Brianne was still talking with her new friends. Great.

"Excuse me," said a voice. I jumped, and turned to see an older woman standing beside me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," she said, stepping back to give me more space. "Are you Brianne's sister, Samantha?"

"What has she done this time?" I asked wearily.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I'm Emma's mother, Christine, and I was wondering if you wanted something cold to drink. We did steal your loading help, I'm afraid. It's the least we could do." She smiled a wide friendly smile.

I debated for a moment. Something cold to drink sounded wonderful, and I was definitely going to get to know this group of people, like it or not. "Sounds fair."

Christine walked up to the Eclipse car and opened the trunk to reveal a cooler. "Okay, we have root beer, cream soda, or plain water."

"Cream soda, please," I said, and Christine handed me the can.

"So, where are you coming from?"

I pulled back the tab and the can hissed. "Oregon. And I hear that you're coming from Arizona."

Christine nodded, unscrewing the cap on a water bottle and taking a sip. "Emma just turned sixteen, and this was her birthday present. She got to drive her new car. I think she said something about meeting her Edward here, but I doubt that will happen. Have you noticed anything strange about this place so far?"

"Well, other than the Twilight symbols everywhere, no. But we haven't been here all that long."

Christine laughed. "There's practically no one of the male persuasion here. All of the tourists that I've seen are girls. Moms bringing their teen daughters, college aged girls on a girl's night out…"

I laughed with her. "Brianne wanted to find an Edward, too."

"My Edward declined to come. I rather think that was a good decision, now. He would have had girls all over him, wondering if he was their Edward, or at least desperately hoping."

Oh no. _Her_ Edward. "You're one of them, aren't you?" I asked, slightly disappointed.

"One of who, dear?"

"One of those fans. Twilight maniacs," I answered, waving my hands in an effort to convey something that I couldn't voice.

She smiled. "I wouldn't put it that way. But, yes, I am a fan of sorts. I'm a Twilight Mom. And I take it that you aren't a fan."

I snorted. "Not me. I read them. But I am not all gooey-eyed over a romance that errs on the side of idealistic rather than being realistic."

"Ah, so you're one of those."

I raised my eyebrow. "Un-fans have a group?"

"Absolutely. It's called disillusioned, or stubborn. All you need is an Edward of your own, and you'll lose that irritated look, because you'll understand it."

"To be honest, I don't think that Edwards exist. Not in this world, anyway. Perfect guys? No way."

"Just you wait and see. You're still young. You have time." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and Christine laughed. "You don't believe me."

"Nope."

"They're extremely rare, is all. I found one."

I downed the rest of my cream soda and stood up. "Well, thank you for the cold drink. We probably won't be seeing much of each other- Brianne and I are touring the city this afternoon. And tomorrow we're hiking all day."

"Oh, well, then, maybe we will. We're all hiking tomorrow, as well. Looking for the meadow?"

I glowered at nothing in particular. "We're keeping to the trails if I have anything to say about it."

Christine smiled appreciatively. "It was nice to meet you, Samantha."

"Same to you," I said, inclining my head. Together we walked over to the girls who were all talking, still, about Edward.

"Brianne, let's go be all touristy," I called. "You do want to see Forks, right?"

She hurried over to my side. "I'm ready. Let's go." And so we piled into my recently unloaded car, and I let my sister drag me around the town for the rest of the afternoon.

Brianne wanted to peek into the school windows, looking for the biology classroom, when it began to rain hard. Those books might not have gotten the way love works in the real world, but they did get the Washington rain. Just my luck.

Let's just say that I was not too pleased with the town. Actually, it was more that I wasn't pleased on Brianne's insistence of seeing everything in the town. The high school did not offer much shelter to people peering in windows.

It was dark by the time we had explored every nook and cranny of Forks and finally got back to the camp. And I was soaking wet and tired and cranky. Nothing sounded better than drying out and falling asleep in my nice warm bed. The sleeping bags weren't nearly as comfortable or warm as I hoped, but they would have to do.

Without a second thought, I fell into my sleeping bag and slept the entire night through.

* * *

I know it's more setup, but the next chapter gets really interesting. You all want to meet some vamps?

Please review!


	4. Chapter Three: Arden and Lenore

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. Papa was a Rolling Stone is also not mine. Nor is Disney. Any original characters, however, are mine.

Well, here is the chapter you were promised. Vampires ahoy!

Many thanks to my betas, amgglekim and Masochisim, who, between them, added at least a page's worth of length to this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 3- Arden and Lenore

I had nightmares all night long. Brianne dragged me through fire, a giant hardback version of Twilight snapped its covers shut around me, smooshing me like a bug, as well as having those ever wonderful dreams of being chased with sharp objects through woods and campgrounds by Twilight fans who discovered that I was more a fan of Jacob than Edward.

When I woke up the next morning, Brianne was dressed and ready to go, shaking me awake because she was too impatient to wait for my alarm clock to go off and wake me up.

"Come on! Wake up, Samantha. We're going hiking today! Mountains, forests, maybe even meadows, if we can find it…" I could just hear her bouncing around the room. Why did Brianne have to be a morning person? Come to think of it, why did Brianne have to be a Twilight person? I might as well go all out with the wishful thinking.

I groaned and sat up. Big mistake. My whole body was stiff and sore, from my muscles to my joints to my head. Moving around was really not in my best interest. Best yet, I had the fuzzy feeling in my head that meant I was sick, and my skin had that strange tingly sensation that came from a fever. I was most definitely not up to hiking. I was ill.

"We aren't going hiking today, Brianne," I said, gently lowering myself back onto the sleeping pad.

"Why not? The rain stopped, and it's beautiful!" The bright, excited look in Brianne's eyes was fit for a Disney movie. I was ready for the chirping birds and friendly animals to come and help her get me out of bed. But I had no intention of moving, fuzzy friends or not.

"Brianne, I have a fever," I said, my voice groggy.

"Oh, no." The sudden seriousness in her face meant she understood. I didn't get sick easily, but when I did, I got really sick, even if it was only for a day. My parents had hospitalized me occasionally over nothing more than the flu.

"Yeah. So I'm not hiking. And you are not going alone." If I didn't tell her not to go, I know she would have snuck off into the woods alone. And explaining to my parents why Brianne wasn't with me was not my idea of fun.

"What should we do, then? Go to La Push?"

I shuddered at the thought of driving to rainy, windy La Push. Did Brianne want to kill me? "No. I am going to sleep this off. You… I have no idea." My eyes shut on their own accord. I was so tired… And then I was caught in limbo between dreaming and waking. Brianne shook me out of that in a hurry.

"Wake up, Sam. What on earth am I going to do? We could go to Port Angeles, or Seattle." Her hands never left my shoulder, keeping me awake by periodically shaking me again.

"That requires driving. I'm not driving. And neither are you. Mom and Dad would kill us both if we got ourselves killed in an accident."

The shaking stopped as Brianne considered this. "I don't think they could kill us if we were already dead."

If Brianne was expecting coherent reasoning from a sick and tired person, she was mistaken. I was not up to it. "Fine. If we were mortally injured, they'd kill us. Either way, we'd still be dead. Not that I'm feeling much better than dead at the moment…" I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Brianne, who must have thought I was going to fall asleep again, shook me yet again, rattling my insides.

"Sam, what do I do? I can't just sleep all day."

"You don't have a fever. You think of something," I grumbled, and rolled onto my side so that my back was facing Brianne. This conversation was over. I was going to sleep.

I heard the zipper being jerked open angrily, and then being zipped shut just as roughly. "Darn it!" she said, and stalked off. I fell asleep.

A few minutes later, Brianne was back, waking me up again, suddenly in a brighter mood. "Samantha, you remember the people we met yesterday?"

"The ones with all the Twilight shirts?"

She rolled her eyes. "Everyone here but you is wearing a Twilight shirt. But I guess so. Christine's the mom, and then Emma, Audrey, and Anna."

I remembered them, but I wasn't making the connection. "What about them?"

"They're going hiking today. And I told them you were sick. They want me to come along with them and let you sleep. Is that okay?"

I sat up. Leaving my little sister in the care of strangers was not what I thought was the best idea. My parents would kill me. That is, if this headache didn't kill me first. My hands found their way to my skull, trying to press against it and make the pain go away.

"Please," Brianne begged, too loudly. I winced.

"Did you invite yourself, or do they honestly want you along?" I wouldn't put it past Brianne to pull something like that. She naturally assumed that everyone else wanted the same things she did, and going on a hiking trip through the Olympic rain forest could very well be a part of it.

"Hello?" came a voice from outside the tent. Brianne unzipped the doorway, revealing Christine. "Brianne told me you weren't feeling well. I wondered if you might want to borrow our hotpot to make some tea. We won't need it today, and I have a car adapter you could use to plug it in."

"Thank you," I said, rather dizzily.

"She doesn't believe that you invited me to come with you guys today," Brianne informed her, a bit indignant.

"Of course I did. Being sick is not fun, and not having anything to do while someone else is sick is even worse."

"Please, Samantha? I'll have my cell phone…" Brianne's soft, pleading voice was wearing me down, and she knew it. I was in no shape to argue with her.

"You'll call on your way back?"

"Of course," Brianne said, sensing my weakening stance. "And I will be especially careful."

"Okay." I sighed, and fell back onto my pillow.

"Yes!" Brianne squealed, and Christine shushed her when she saw me clap my hands over my ears.

"I'll bring the hotpot over," Christine said quietly. "If you take some Aspirin, you could break that fever."

"Okay," I mumbled. Already sleep was taking over me again. I closed my eyes, and even though I didn't sleep deeply enough to block out all the background noise, everything faded away.

* * *

When I woke up again, I felt much better. My fever had broken, and my head was no longer throbbing, although I still felt stiff and sore. But then again, that could have been from sleeping on the ground.

It was already dark out. I fumbled for the flashlight that I kept by my sleeping bag, and once I found it, I switched it on. The hotpot was lying at the door of the tent, as were a couple of unopened peppermint teabags and a car adapter. God bless that woman. She was obviously a mom who mothered everyone, and I was very grateful for being mothered.

I didn't bother getting dressed. I was only going to get back into my pajamas anyway. But I slipped on some shoes so that I could go outside. I gathered up the loaned items, and went out to my car, plugging everything in, opening a water bottle to heat up in the hotpot.

I could see the sky through the windshield. The stars and moon were visible through a mix of clouds. The same sky that had been there before Twilight had turned the world upside down. And it would probably still be there when Twilight faded away. That was comforting.

As I waited for the water to boil, I turned on my car to listen to my music. The engine roared to life, and then dimmed to an irritating growl. The radio station I usually listened to was now playing country music. How annoying. I toyed with the radio and found an oldies station. You couldn't go wrong with oldies. Unless, of course, they were _this_ old. I turned the dial again. There we go. Music from the sixties and later. Stuff I could listen to without wanting to die.

The clock blinked out 10 pm. It was very late, and Brianne still wasn't back yet. I flipped my cell out of my pocket. There was a text message.

_S- will b late further than plan hope be back before dark may not see you till night- B_

So plans had changed? I hoped they hadn't tried to go off the trails in search of that meadow. They could easily have gotten lost that way.

The hotpot began boiling, and I turned it off, pouring the water back into the water bottle and stuffing the tea bags into the top. Then I quickly set the hot drink in a cup holder, hoping that the bottle wouldn't melt while I blew on my now too-hot fingers.

Time to call Brianne. I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. Instead, I got an irritating recording informing me that she was unavailable at the moment, without her phone ringing once. She must be out of range.

I set the phone on the seat and carefully began sipping at my tea. I usually wasn't a tea sort of person, but when I was sick, I liked it. And I immediately began to relax.

By the time my tea was almost gone and "Papa was a Rolling Stone" was coming to a close, someone knocked on my car door. It was light at first, but gradually getting more insistent. I rolled down the window. "Yes?"

It was a girl about Brianne's age. There were hundreds of girls that age here. "Your car is really loud," she said, shifting her weight nervously.

"Yeah, it is. After this trip, I'm getting the muffler fixed."

"Well, it kind of needs it now, because I can't sleep with this. Nobody can. I'm right over there," she pointed into the darkness, "and this is just… too loud. I'm sorry to bother you about this, but we are getting up really early tomorrow to catch a plane…"

"And you were volunteered to ask me," I surmised. She nodded. I turned my car off. She had asked politely, after all, and it wasn't her fault I needed a new muffler.

"Thank you!" she said.

"Have a nice night," I called after her. She waved.

I rolled the window back up, and sat back in my seat. The peppermint tea had not made me sleepy like it was supposed to, probably because I had slept all day long. I absentmindedly took out my phone and started flipping it open and shut as I thought. I wanted to stretch my legs, move around a bit. Maybe a walk would be helpful.

I quickly sent a text to Brianne. _Went out- don't freak if not here when you get back. _She should get it as soon as she went back into an area with service. But just in case she didn't, I wrote a note. _Brianne- I'm going out. Don't know how long I'll be, so don't freak out because I'm not here. See you soon- Samantha._

Brianne better get back soon. If I had to come back to find that she was still gone, I was calling the police and leading a search party into the forest. I glanced over, and saw that their expensively painted car was still there, so I wasn't too worried. They probably did go off trail. And they probably got lost. One night wasn't going to kill them. After all, it was dry tonight, no rain. And it wasn't too cold.

I unzipped the tent and put the note on Brianne's sleeping bag. She'd see it when she got back. I started to head out, but then on second thought I pulled my car keys and put them next to the note, just in case Christine wanted the hotpot when they got back.

If I had known how much one walk would change my life, I never would have gone. But ignorance is bliss, isn't it? I was completely happy.

I started out walking among the tents, but I grew tired of seeing the stamp of Twilight on everything. By the time Twilight was permanently etched into my eyeballs, I had turned and walked past my tent, on the edge of the campgrounds, and was walking the edges of the forest. And that's when I saw him.

He was beautiful. That was the first thing my mind registered. His skin was so very pale that it almost glowed in the moonlight, a stark contrast to his dark hair. He was merely standing there, staring at the many tents, his arms resting on his leg. He turned, faster than I was expecting him to, in order to look at me.

My heart thumped against my chest. Something was very wrong about this.

"Hello," I said, composing myself. I was simply nervous because he was remarkably good looking, right? This was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hello," he answered, his sharp eyes watching my every move. He didn't blink, and that unnerved me. I shifted, uncomfortable under his gaze, but still pulled to him somehow. Even his voice was beautiful. It drew me in, made me feel safe and wonderful and excited all at once.

"I'm Samantha," I offered. I had to say something to fill in the silence, which had taken on an uncomfortable quality.

He nodded his head slightly, eyes not leaving mine. "Arden." He expected something of me, but I couldn't tell what it was. I only knew that the intensity of his stare made me slightly nervous.

"Arden," I said, trying out the strange name. Unconsciously I took another step forward, and he smiled suddenly, his teeth glistening in the darkness. He straightened from his position. He was also fairly tall, as I now had to look up at him.

He was still staring, and now my stomach began to knot up. People didn't stare like that, not as if they were starved people staring at their dinner.

"What are you doing out alone, tonight?" he asked, moving forward a little.

"Walking," I said simply, entranced by the smoothness of his voice. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, but I ignored the feeling, blaming it on the slight breeze.

He stepped forward. There was a glint in his eyes that made me suddenly wary. "It's not very safe to be out alone at night, especially for someone as lovely as you. Things might get… dangerous."

I took another step forward and mentally berated myself for it. I knew better than to talk to a stranger in such a secluded area, particularly a male stranger. And why had I not seen him before? Christine said that there were no guys here. And the girls would have been all over him, as beautiful and pale as he was… I was running out of adjectives to describe him, and that knowledge distracted me.

Arden took another step forward. I was now close enough to see his black eyes in detail. I'd never seen anyone with black eyes before, not with those depths. So beautiful…

I didn't even see him move- he was too fast. All I knew was that suddenly his cold hand was over my mouth, stopping me from screaming. I was in the air, held up only by his cold arm wrapped around my waist. The air rushed by us, making my eyes water, but I couldn't bear to close them. The world flew by faster than I could have thought possible.

My heart was beating so fast, I thought that my chest was going to explode. What the heck had just happened? This wasn't possible. This could not be possible. No one could run that fast, no one could be that cold, no one could be this strong…

Abruptly, Arden stopped. I was still in denial when another stranger came into view. She was smaller than Arden, but the look on her face as her dark eyes caught mine was terrifying, full of anger.

"Arden, what are you doing!" she hissed, enunciating every word.

"Lenore, I am thirsty. I needed to hunt. You would do well to find your own human." Arden sounded sensible. His voice was so soothing and reasonable I almost nodded.

She let out a low hiss. "This is the worst place to hunt. All of the humans are on alert against sudden disappearances, and you know that. Do you want to be found out?"

"We can run faster than anything else," Arden replied, shrugging.

The meaning of the conversation went over my head, although I understood the words. The only way it would make sense was if they were… vampires. The thought made my heart beat even faster. They weren't supposed to be real! They couldn't be…

Arden set me down, and spun me in close to him, as though we were dancing. His intoxicating scent made my knees weak while my mind was screaming at me to run. I tried to stand on my own, my hands pushing against his chest, but his arm remained solidly around me.

"Oh? And what of the wolves we are trying to avoid? Arden, you know I'm right. We can't hunt here."

"And what do you suppose we do with her? Leave her to walk away with out secrets? She's seen too much, Lenore. She knows what we are, or she's guessed. She has to die."

"Then a quick death, an accident," Lenore pleaded. "Don't spill her blood. Is her life worth your own?" She came close, too close. Both of them next to me triggered a panic that made me squirm even harder. But neither of them took any notice of my useless struggling.

Lenore's hand brushed against Arden's cheek as she looked up at him. "You are all I have in this world," she murmured. "I cannot lose you."

Arden's hand moved to rest on top of hers for a moment before pushing it away. "Lenore, I am thirsty enough to become even more dangerous later. We can't afford that. This is a little risk." He turned so that he was between me and Lenore.

I was trembling, and Arden's dark gaze flickered to mine. "She smells wonderful, Lenore, too wonderful to resist. Can't you smell her?" His head came closer, grazing against my neck. His lips met my skin, resting against my wildly pulsing vein. Then his lips parted, and I collapsed into his embrace, as though I was being kissed. But this was no kiss, and my mind knew it.

"No!" Lenore shouted.

Suddenly something connected with my side, and I was flying backwards through the air, landing into a tree a good twenty feet off of the ground. Pain engulfed me. My back was against the trunk, and I was sitting on top of a branch. Something had definitely been broken, but that was the least of my problems. My neck was bleeding slightly where Arden had bitten me- I could feel the liquid travel down the edge of my neck, out from the burning cut. I was also bleeding in several other places- my ribs had pierced the skin on one side.

My mind cataloged those injuries almost absently, taking in everything at once. Lenore must have batted me away, resulting in my ribs. Her arm was still upheld from throwing me away. But any safety that her actions may have given me was gone with the spilling of blood.

Lenore and Arden turned to look at me. I could still see them quite well despite the darkness- their skin was pale enough for my eyes to see them. Their faces changed to look strangely predatory, and they crouched, like cats about to pounce. Even as far below me as they were, I knew that I wasn't safe. I tried to scramble further up the tree, but my hands scrambled for purchase and I kicked against the air. I didn't move any higher despite my efforts, and the fire in my neck flared to life. But then I heard pounding, vibrating through my back and making my whole body erupt in another flare of pain.

Something was going on beneath me- I could hear the strange growls and hisses, the pounding of the earth. There were more creatures down there than Arden and Lenore. But they were dark, shadows against the ground. I couldn't see them. And then they all moved off, running, leaving me up in the tree. I was grateful. I didn't want to be trampled or eaten. Here, I could still get away. I still had a chance to live.

In the distance, there was a scream, filled with pain and rage. The sound made me stiffen in fear, even with the pain I was in, and every hair stood straight up, on my arms, on the back of my neck... I couldn't place it, not then. Only now do I understand what that was. The cry of a vampire who has lost their mate. And then suddenly, everything was silent.

I couldn't move. I tried, but it hurt too badly. The fire in my neck spread, burning me, and all my senses burst into flames.

* * *

Kudos points to whoever gets the Lenore reference!

And, I might be tempted to bribe for reviews. You want a preview of the next chapter? Review. I dare you.


	5. Chapter Four: New Beginnings

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine- however I do own any original characters. What I do with them here is pretty much under someone else's copywrite, though.

Again, many thanks to amgglekim and Masochisim for the awesome Beta.

Okay, guys. Another chapter. I'm going to start my second job here pretty soon, so the twice a week updates are going to come a bit more slowly. But never fear- I am still writing and working. But I have to save up for my ticket to the Stephenie Meyer signing!

* * *

Chapter 4: New beginnings

Pain. The excruciating pain was all I knew. I could not tell you where I was, or why I was there. I could not speak to say my name, even if the pain had not wiped my mind clean. The very effort of drawing my name through the fire was impossible. No sense of self remained.

If it had been any less, I might have wondered how much longer the burning would last. I might have noticed how it steadily grew, thundering in my veins, burning paths of fire until it roared up and my heart imploded. My awareness, even of the pain itself, became nothing.

Seconds, days, years later, my eyes opened, and my heart was silent.

_The tree bark smelled of sweat and other unattractive bodily secretions, familiar in a way that drove her from it instinctively. The creature shifted, becoming acquainted with her surroundings by listening, smelling, watching. _

_She was alone. There was no one near, no reassuring words to be shared. But she was calm, serene. There was no danger nearby. _

_There was a scent that threatened to overcome her calm, a dank, woodsy smell that caused the hair on the back of her neck to rise. But it was an old scent, days old. The creatures that had left that trail had not been through for a long time. _

_Her throat burned, as if the fire that had burned through her had never left. She was thirsty. That caused her to move. There was nothing for her here. The air was silent, the wildlife having traveled to other places. And she had to have something to soothe the burning._

_She jumped from the tree, landing easily on the balls of her feet, despite never having leaped from a twenty foot height before. She simply knew that she could do it. _

_She shied away from the path the unsettling scent came from, choosing another direction instead. She knew that she was heading west, though she did not know how she knew it. It merely came into her mind, more subtle than a thought, from someplace that had existed before the fire._

_Having chosen a path, she ran. The wind pulled at her hair, catching on the stained clothing she wore, __whispering__ secrets against her skin. A__s__ it brought her another scent; a fragrance so delicious that her mouth became wet in preparation __as__ she ran even faster to find the source. __Suddenly __she saw what it was __that__ she sought. _

_The trees thinned out into a clearing, filled with tents and campfires. Even in the darkness, her sight was perfect. As she scanned the area, she realized that the scent was coming from the figures on the campground. Most of them were hidden away in the tents, as if the thin fabric would keep them safe, but there, on the edge of the clearing, closest to her, sat a girl with a book next to her campfire. _

_The girl tucked a flashlight underneath her ear as she trained the beam of light on the pages. Her heartbeat made an entrancing rhythm, calling the creature forward, beckoning her, tempting her. _

_The girl seemed to be unaware of the danger she was in, comfortably tucking her hair behind her ears, in a manner that seemed curious to the creature. Hadn't she seen someone doing that, a long time before? But thoughts were going to distract her from her hunt; and it was a hunt._

_Even thirsty as she was, the creature knew the need to be stealthy, keep her existence secret from the vast numbers in the tented area. So she crept up on the girl until she was near enough for the flames to cast flickering fingers of light across her face. But then the girl gasped, dropping the flashlight, and the creature stepped back into the shadows, afraid that the girl had seen her._

_The girl had seen nothing, but in stepping backward, the creature broke a twig underneath her foot, and the girl's face shot up at the sound, alarmed at how close it was._

"_Hello?" she said tremulously. And then she saw the creature. "Samantha, is that you?" She sighed, the fear gone. "I've been so worried- Where on earth did you go?"_

_The creature stopped her movement. There was no danger in this girl. She had no idea of her plans. The words made no sense, but they were not words of unwanted discover; so she stepped forward again._

"_Sam?" the girl asked, becoming afraid again. "Answer me. What's going on? Are you alright?" She squinted her eyes to see better. "Samantha, oh God, you look like you've been to hell and back."_

_But the creature paused again. Not once had she thought of her life, her existence, beyond now. The thirst was strong enough to demand all of her attention. But something about this was not right._

_The girl picked up her flashlight and brought the beam up to the creature's face. She sat motionless, her heart stopping for one second as her mind began to work rapidly. And then the girl stood up, dropping both the book and light. Her heart beat in a rapid tempo of fear. "Samantha, oh my God, what happened to you? You look…" Her voice faltered._

_The creature saw the pages of the book fan over to the beginning. Her mind memorized the words on the page, and she glanced away, unnerved by something she could not name. In the back of her mind, a voice said, "Stop, don't". But that was useless now. The book was of little importance and the voice even less. What was important was this girl, and the thirst. The creature prepared to leap for the girl._

_The girl stepped backwards. "Samantha, don't you know me? It's Brianne. Your sister, Sam, please, you can stop it…"_

_That name… It was so familiar… Suddenly the thirst was not as important as the knowledge running through her head. Samantha. Samantha was her name. She had a name. And then everything, all of the memories, came back, and with it, the knowledge of what was about to occur._

No. No, I couldn't do this. I had never tried to fight against something so hard in my life. I would have done anything to protect Brianne. Anything at all. But now, every second of leaving her alive was wearing me down.

I could not move away. Instinct held me there, thirst desperately trying to override my conscious thoughts. My mouth was dripping with moisture, my muscles tense and locked from not letting myself move forward. But I could not safely move back. In a few moments, I knew that I would not be able to hold it off. Already it was winning; I could feel the hold on my muscles begin to loosen as my conscious mind lost control. I wanted her blood so badly.

Brianne's eyes pleaded for mercy, a tear slipping down her face. "Samantha, please don't…"

"I can't," I answered, speaking for the first time. And I didn't know what I was trying to tell her. That I couldn't help it? That I couldn't bear to do this? Both were true, and that knowledge warred within me as I stood there, motionless. How long could I hold out? She smelled so good…

"Hold your breath- you don't have to breathe," she commanded suddenly, and I obeyed. But I could still hear her heart beat, still taste her scent on my tongue. I blew out the air.

Brianne was terrified. I could hear her heartbeat, smell her fear. And in her eyes, I could see my reflection. My hair was a matted mess, my eyes blazing red. Brianne had asked me what happened. I had no idea. But this was not what I wanted to be.

I took a step backward, shocked into control. But then the breeze came at me from behind Brianne, and I was lost again. My throat burned, reminiscent of the earlier pain.

The memory of the fire stopped me. Because I knew what had caused that pain. Arden's teeth caused that fire. How could I hurt Brianne like that? Yes, that was it, think about the consequences, of Brianne as a person, as my sister, not the desperate thirst that wanted to overtake me, not the beautiful scent that flooded my senses and left me helpless…

I was losing this battle, and Brianne and I both knew it. "I'm sorry," I said, while I still had the power to do so.

The wind changed and Brianne bolted towards my car, throwing the door open and jumping inside, shutting away her scent. But the taste of her on the air, the fragrance, those did not leave. I walked to the car, each step tearing me apart inside, but unable to stop myself.

In the distance, a wolf howled, and I stopped, the hair on the back of my neck raising. And then I smelled the smallest traces of that scent on the air… It was a werewolf.

I ran. It wasn't close enough to have caught my scent yet, but if the wind changed, it would find me. And self-preservation was a higher priority than soothing the burning in my throat.

I did not stop until the scent was nothing more than a memory. My throat still burned, but without the scent of human blood to incite it, I could manage. Until some unwary hiker came along, that is.

So, I had to hunt. I took after anything that moved on four legs and drained it. Several deer and a bear later, I was left alone with my thoughts. The burning had almost stopped. It remained, like the scratchy feeling of a sore throat, irritating but harmless. I stood, surrounded by their carcasses, finally feeling a little bit of control.

My thoughts were anything but sanctuary. I had almost killed my sister, had almost drank her blood. My own sister, whom I loved, whom I was supposed to protect and keep safe.

What kind of monster was I?

* * *

Reviews? Thoughts? Comments? I was really worried about this chapter, because of that wierd section in the middle- reassurances that it worked would be good.

If you review, you get a teaser. So press the button!


	6. Chapter Five: Leah

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, only Samantha and Brianne.

Apologies for lateness- totally my fault. Again, thanks to my betas Masochisim and amgglekim. They make my stuff nice to read.

* * *

Leah POV

Damn Jacob. Didn't he realize how important it was that we patrolled all of our ranges? Of course, I knew why he avoided it, for the same reasons that I avoided being on patrol with Sam. But that didn't make it any better. My choices about Sam didn't have the horrific consequences that Jacob's did. In avoiding what used to be the Cullen's land, he could pretend that they never existed, that Bella had never been. Someone had died four nights ago because of his hesitation, someone we were meant to protect. Someone we could have saved.

_Stop blaming Jacob. He's the pack leader,_ Embry cautioned in my head.

_Pack leader or not, his actions are inexcusable. We're here to kill the vampires before they can kill anyone else. Or did you miss the memo?_

_Leah. Can't you be a little more understanding?_

_I understand plenty. But I still blame him for what happened._

_Careful, Leah… _Embry thought.

_Can you just leave me alone! _I snapped back. _I come here to get away from all of you. That's what solo patrol is for. _

_And you know that solo patrol is something you made up to get away, _Seth answered, joining into the conversation. _Jacob's nice enough to let you have it, but if you keep attacking him, he won't do it anymore. _Little brothers. How I hated it when they made too much sense.

_I don't call this "getting away" if you're still in my head. Leave me be._

They withdrew. I could still feel them, but they hadn't shifted forms. We had gotten better at that in the years since we had first formed the pack. We could be slightly more private in our own minds. That made it easier, but it didn't stop the awful twist in my stomach when I was forced to be in wolf form at the same time as Sam.

I snorted. Sam. What a cruel joke fate had played on me. His thoughts were filled with his wife and baby girl, thoughts I couldn't escape. Thoughts of the daughter who should have been mine; who _would_ have been mine in a world without the wolf genes, without the terrible idea of imprinting, without Emily.

I had never hated someone as much as I had begun to hate my cousin. Not only had the werewolf genes taken away Sam, they had taken away Emily, who was practically my sister. I would have taken her place, if I could, even taken her scars. All I had was wishing, and wishes were useless. I snarled at nothing in particular, the action giving me little satisfaction.

Nothing about this life gave me joy, except for the speed. Having to follow Jacob, while it was better than listening to Sam order me around, stung. Jacob was weak. I took my pain and turned it into anger, fueling my actions. He was crippled by it; I hated him for that and that alone. And Sam… I could never hate Sam. Or, I could, but it would never outweigh how much I loved him.

Love… I barked a laugh. Love was nothing more than an illusion that drew you in and ensnared you, before ripping you to pieces.

I let my paws pound the ground, the rhythm driving away the thoughts. The speed was my freedom. I needed these times away. That was the only way I survived. The walls I put up were so easily torn down. No one really knew how vulnerable I was. They might have guessed, but they didn't know. This was as close to being whole as I could get. My heart was in one place, and I was in another. But for now, this was enough.

It was easy to forget the reason I was allowed the brief solitude. But then I smelt the sickly sweet of vampire, and it was a fresh scent. Immediately I was on guard for any bloodsuckers I might find. Were there more than the two we had killed earlier?

I followed the scent until I saw her. She sat on the ground, with both her arms and legs wrapped around a tree, her face turned to the side away from me, her cheek pressed against the bark. Her clothing was stained and torn, with stale blood and sweat.

The wind shifted, warning her of my presence, and she turned to look at me with brilliantly red eyes. I prepared to run. It was suicide to face her on my own. "I've been waiting for you," she said softly. I stopped where I stood.

I had never had an experience with a vampire like this. Most of them ran, and never before had I met one wrapped around a tree for no apparent reason. Something more than I could understand was going on here, and I will admit it; my curiosity overpowered my caution.

I backed away, and changed into my human form, so that I could speak with her. I wasn't going to get close, however. I wasn't stupid enough to let her near me in my weaker form.

Thank God for sarongs. There was nothing that made you feel more vulnerable than standing naked in front of your mortal enemy, whether she was female or not. Sarongs made my life so much easier. Instead of having to tie several different pieces of clothing to my legs, I could get away with one cloth. I tied mine into a dress and walked back to the vampire.

"You've been waiting for me?" I asked.

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Not you, necessarily, but waiting for the werewolves, yes."

"Most of you leeches are smart enough to run, not come looking for us." My voice, which I had meant to be harsh, was softened by my curiosity.

"Most leeches want to live." She shrugged; an effortlessly beautiful movement. Even to me, knowing what she was, she was beautiful. And she was also very intriguing.

She had used the derogatory term without taking offense. Any other vampire would have. One thing that they all had in common was pride. To insult one was dangerous, but danger and I got along. The reaction of this vampire was like none I had ever seen, or heard of.

"Why are you holding onto that tree like that?" I asked.

"Because I can't hurt anyone if I don't move," she whispered. She turned up to look at me. "Even if someone comes by, it would take longer for me to move, before…" she shook her head at her words. "But I would still kill them. I'm a monster. I want you to kill me. Before I kill someone."

She looked so vulnerable, so young. She must have been about five years younger than me, just a girl still. Despite the scent coming from her, despite the hair rising instinctually at the nape of my neck, I wanted to protect her. The feeling shocked me. I had not felt like this since… _Since Sam disappeared those two weeks._ My mind shuddered away at the thought.

"Did you kill anyone?" I asked.

She was silent for a moment, drawing in a breath and blowing it out again. "No."

I raised my eyebrows in skepticism. I wasn't unaware of the instincts that drove these creatures.

"You don't believe me. But I swear I haven't. Almost. I almost killed my sister." Her voice broke. I didn't know that vampire's voices could break.

"Are you thirsty now?" With the newer ones, it was hard to tell, as their eyes were perpetually red.

"I haven't been _not_ thirsty, not yet. I… hunted… some wild animals, but that barely helped."

She couldn't have been a vampire very long, then. It was unheard of for them to avoid human blood, which was the only thing that would satisfy them, for any length of time in this state.

"How long have you been a vampire?" I asked, using a more polite term. After all, she was willingly giving me information.

"Since last night."

Something clicked. Three days for the change… Oh, God. It was her. She hadn't been killed by the vampires, like we'd thought. We hadn't seen her body, but we had smelled her blood, and with all the creatures around, we hadn't heard her heartbeat… She'd been bitten, and left there, while Jacob ordered us to patrol for other leeches… This was our fault. This was _Jacob's _fault. I had thought maybe this vampire had wandered in from someplace further out, outside of our patrolling zone. But this had happened on our turf.

"Just listen to me. I'm going to kill someone, eventually, and I want you to destroy me before I do. _Please,_" she begged, and I saw the way her cheek twitched as she fought to get the words out. "I can't control myself. You should know what you are dealing with here."

I stared at her. She was asking for her own death? "I thought I did know. But no vampire has ever done what you are doing now. Most can leave their human lives behind them without guilt."

"My sister knew. She saw what I was. At first, I didn't recognize her, but then I did. And I could not stop. I knew I was going to kill her. And she knew it as well. I came here to watch over my sister. To protect her. And I was going to be the one to kill her. Then I smelt one of your wolves, and I was able to run." The anguish in her voice pulled at me. I knew what it was like to feel that torn.

She lowered her gaze. "I will… fight back. I won't mean to. But there are two parts of me. The one that wants to live is the one that would kill without caring about anyone else. And I'm not strong enough to fight it. Please remember that."

I considered my options. "I'll bring the rest of the pack here. It's not my decision to make." Not that I could kill her alone, anyway. Maybe if I had one other, but then…

I suddenly realized that I didn't want to kill her. I wanted to wave her in Jacob's face, in _all_ of their faces, when they realized how big of a mistake they had made. Why should this girl be killed for our deficiencies? She had merely been in the wrong place at the wrong time. We had been in the wrong place at the right time.

No. I was thinking of her as a human. She wasn't. She had died four nights ago, just as surely as if she had been drained. She was my enemy. She was a vampire. I could not allow myself to forget that.

"I have one more thing to ask of you." Her red eyes met mine again, holding me there.

"What is it?" I asked, cautious not to agree to some unknown task.

"You protect people. That's what you do, right?"

I nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

"My sister, Brianne, is alone in Forks. She must be pretty freaked out by all of this. Will you… watch over her? Reassure her? Keep her safe? Because I… I can't… anymore." She swallowed.

Her red eyes pleaded with me, and despite the color, she looked strangely human. As I felt pity welling up inside of me, I nodded. "I can do that."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the tree again. "Thank you. I'll be here when you come back."

I turned and ran into the woods, throwing my sarong to the ground and changing into wolf shape. _Seth, Embry- where's Jacob?_ I thought urgently.

Their minds were immediately with me. _He's on the rez,_ Embry replied.

_What happened, Leah? Are you alright?_ Seth asked. It was cute how concerned he got about me. _It's not cute, _he answered sullenly.

I snorted in laughter. _You know it is. I'm fine. There's just a rather odd situation here that I need his help with. _I couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when they found out they had failed.

_Odd situation? What's going on? What did we fail? _Embry asked.

_Go get Jacob,_ I answered, mentally rolling my eyes_. I'm not telling this more than once. And telling it might not be enough. Can we get most of the pack here?_

_Sure, Leah, _Embry answered, his thoughts suddenly gentler in tone. He had caught the "most of the pack". I had intended to say, "the pack", but it was impossible to hide your inner commentary when communicating like this. It stung worse that Embry knew what I meant by it. I cursed him for being too understanding, the anger spiking in my stomach, but he laughed at me.

_I want to be angry, damn it. Don't stop me,_ I griped. But then a smile crossed my face. I knew how to dig this in a little deeper. _And one more thing,_ I added, and whether I had been struck by inspiration or pity, I didn't know. _Make sure someone brings a cell phone._

_Check,_ Embry answered.

Then the voices were gone and I sat down to wait for the rest of the pack to arrive. When they did, clamoring in my head like a bunch of curious, howling puppies, I shifted and dressed.

Jacob was the first one to come, walking forward in his human form. Embry and Seth were right behind him, followed by Paul, Brady, Collin, Jared, and then Sam. The entire pack was here.

I turned my gaze away before I met Sam's eyes, looking instead, to Jacob.

"What is it, Leah?"

"You remember the two vampires we killed four nights ago?" He nodded. "They left behind a present. A protégé. And she wants to speak with you. She's over here."

Jacob followed me silently, and I led him to the vampire.

As soon as he saw her, with her face obscured by her brown hair, he took a small quick breath of surprise. I felt strangely satisfied for the pained expression on his face.

"Bella," he breathed, and she lifted her face to look at him.

* * *

I told you I'd give you some canon characters. They just took a while.

Review! Remember, reviews get teasers!


	7. Chapter Six: Discussion

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Author's note: I am _so_ sorry that this took so long. I could make excuses, and some of you have heard them, but all I'll say is that this chapter was the nightmare chapter. I had so much trouble with it, and I'm still not happy, but that may be because of how long I've spent on it.

Special thanks to my betas Masochisim and amgglekim, who worked especially hard this time around. Thank you for putting up with my awful, awful drafts.

One last thing. I am absolutely sure that this will end up being AU. This is set right now. BD is yet to be published. You will find out what happened in my back story gradually. But Stephenie Meyer will be tying everything up in BD. In my version, there was a fifth book needed, and this is kind of it.

Oh! One more thing. I GOT ACCEPTED ONTO RAMBLINGS & THOUGHTS! Rejoice with me by reviewing!

* * *

Chapter Six- Discussion

I sat with my arms curled around the tree trunk, resting my forehead against it, my hair giving me the illusion of privacy. The werewolf girl had gone into the woods now, and I was left alone again.

Every word I had said was sincere. I couldn't be left like this; it was too dangerous. There were no other options, I had to be killed. If I had come as close to killing Brianne as I did, what would happen when it was someone I didn't know? Being a stranger shouldn't be a death sentence, but with the state I was in, I couldn't imagine anything different fate for any stranger I happened across. It's not like I could avoid humans forever. They were everywhere.

In a way, I was glad that I had found Brianne when I did; it was the wakeup call I desperately needed. Nothing had worked better than realizing I had almost killed my sister. Without that, I might have killed some unknown person, purely on instinct. By the time I would have realized what I had done, I could easily make all sorts of rationalizations as to why I shouldn't, or _couldn't_ stop. Then I would be a monster without conscience; being a monster with a conscience was, of course, only fractionally better.

I had quickly accepted a name for what I was: vampire. The implications were not something I had thought about, beyond werewolves and death. If this was all real, then those books were, at least partly, true. I couldn't ignore my sudden desire for human blood, so it must be. That thought made me worry for Brianne even more. What if the Volturi were real? What if Brianne didn't keep it a secret? What if she was in even more danger than I had previously thought? Another worry wriggled in my head. I hadn't told the wolves where Brianne was. How would they find her?

The sound of voices broke me out of my thoughts. The other werewolves had come, and once I told them where Brianne was, they would kill me. I thought I was ready for that, but was anyone ever really ready to die?

"What is it, Leah?" one of them asked.

"You remember the two vampires we killed four nights ago?" she asked him back. I knew this voice; it was the girl I had spoken to earlier. "They left behind a present, a protégé. And she wants to speak with you. She's over here."

They walked through the bracken towards me, almost silent except for their heartbeats. I didn't look up, my instincts guiding me to know that any sudden moves would be the end of me, and the loss of any hope of getting help for Brianne. My sister came first.

They stopped. One of them took in a little gasp of air before breathing out, "Bella".

I knew that name. It escaped me how I knew it, but it seemed familiar. It was more the way that it was said that caught my attention. It was a man's voice, and I turned my head to look at him, letting my hair fall away from my face.

He stood in the center of the group, obviously the leader, as they formed a half circle around me. He was not much older than me, and he looked strangely elated to see me; a glint of hope and life lighting up his eyes, mixed with disbelief. Then his face lost the joy, hardening into a mask. "No, not…" he said, his soft words trailing off into nothingness.

The others on either side of him shifted, embarrassed. The girl I'd spoken with earlier was on the end, and she looked triumphant as she glanced at the man who had spoken. He took no notice of her as he asked me, "What's your name?"

I didn't understand why he would want to know my name. The books had made it seem to me like the wolves wouldn't want to know anything personal about vampires, let alone want to be on a first name basis. But I was at his mercy here, and so I told him. "Samantha Kincaid. Some people call me Sam for short."

This time it was Leah's turn to look startled. She glanced first at me, and then looked at the man on the opposite end of the line. He didn't look back at her, and she quickly glanced back to me, her expression turning bitter.

"Brianne's in the campground closest to the Olympic Rainforest- in the spot closest to the trees," I said. "You're willing to make sure she's okay?"

"Brianne?" the leader asked.

"My sister," I answered.

Leah expanded on my answer. "Her sister knows that Samantha is a vampire. We have to keep her from telling everyone, and get her home safely. She has nobody else here with her."

The leader nodded, not even looking at Leah, and she became angry at being ignored. "Why don't you ask her when she was changed, Jacob?" The sneer that was across her face was apparent in her voice. Spite was not a pretty sound, and it grated against me. I already felt uneasy so close to so many wolves; the scent pervaded my nostrils, and I fought the impulse to run.

Wolves that were intent on hurting me were a far more frightening thought than wolves who were willing to listen to me, whether I wanted to die or not. The sneering tone of Leah's voice made me distinctly uncomfortable. Something was going on that I didn't understand some undertone of power plays and subtle confrontation.

Jacob began to speak. "Leah, what aren't you telling us? Just spit it out."

"Ask her," she snapped. Leah had not spoken to me like that before, and I knew that this anger wasn't directed at me, but I disliked the conflict. If there was any anger, shouldn't it be directed towards me?

"Alright, fine. Samantha; when were you bitten?" He said my name very carefully, and though I didn't understand why, I felt nervous about it. Something didn't seem right.

"Four nights ago," I said quietly. The pain was not something I could forget easily, and the memory of it flashed through my mind before it disappeared. I looked around, trying to gauge their reactions, but was greeted only with stony stares. I hadn't come here to find friends; I had come to find an enemy who was willing to kill me. From the looks on their faces, I could see that was exactly what I'd found.

"You see!" Leah said. "She was there! Those vampires we killed, they'd bitten her!"

A sudden flash of memory hit me. "I was in the tree," I said, moving slowly so that I was facing the werewolves. "They had been fighting about not whether or not they should kill me here. And I heard running, lots of creatures… like a horse, four-footed, but heavier, faster… That was you?"

"Yes," Jacob answered, not giving anything away.

Leah walked forward to meet him, crossing in front of me. "If you hadn't been worried about crossing over into what used to be vampire territory, she would be safe at home. We failed that night, Jacob. We failed because of you. She wants to be killed. Are you going to order us to kill her for something that was your fault?"

Jacob looked at me. "You really want to die?" There was something in his eyes that made me want to shrink away, but I didn't. I slowly turned away from the tree to face him, my arms palm out in front of me. The wolves shifted, and one or two of them trembled, but they stilled as Jacob looked at them.

"Didn't Leah tell you what I almost did to my own sister? I'm sure you know what newborn vampires are capable of," I said softly, only looking at Jacob. The wolves were silent, listening intently to my words. "What happened to me… happened. It doesn't matter. I was dead anyway, from the moment I met the vampires, drained or bitten. So will you please just kill me and get it over with." I set my jaw, prepared for whatever pain was coming.

"No." Leah spoke, her eyes flashing with anger that was not directed at me. It was directed at Jacob. They stared each other down for a few moments.

"Why not?" I asked, breaking into the silence, letting my frustration color my tone.

"Most humans at least get a last meal," Leah said, still watching Jacob, challenging him. "We aren't going to give you that, obviously, but we can do something else. Did you want to talk with your sister?"

I shot my head up. She had gone utterly insane. "If I see Brianne, I will kill her. I just can't."

Leah laughed. "Alright, who brought the cell phone?" She turned to me. "You do know the number to call her, right? She has a cell?"

"Yes. She has a cell. And I know the number." Hope bubbled up in me; I had not expected this kindness. I could make sure Brianne was safe. My parents may have paid me to take her to Forks, but I intended to stick to my end of the deal as much as possible. She was my sister, and I cared about her.

"Here," said the man on the end opposite Leah. I turned around so that I was sitting next to the tree, arm outstretched. He walked forward and handed the phone to me.

"Thank you…" I said, not sure of what else to say, but he seemed to think I was asking for his name.

"Sam," he said, as Leah looked away.

"Thank you, Sam." I bit my lip. "Do you mind if you all… back away, or something? I would like to pretend that this is a private phone call, if I can."

The werewolves all looked to Jacob, who looked at me for a moment, and then nodded. They all retreated into the bushes as I carefully punched in Brianne's number. Normally, she didn't answer strange numbers. After some of the horror stories that I had told her, both real and made up, she was careful about answering her phone. I hoped that she would make an exception now. It rang, once, twice… Please let her pick up… three times…

"Hello?" Brianne's voice sounded breathless and scared.

"Brianne, it's me, Samantha."

She let out a deep breath, the fear draining out of her voice, replaced by relief. "Sam, I have been so freaked out and worried…"

"I know, Brianne, I know."

"Please tell me you're not calling from some dead hiker's phone. They could trace that, you know."

"No, this is one of the werewolves' phones. No dead hikers for me."

"Good." She sighed. "So what happened? Who bit you? How?"

So I told her everything, from Arden and Lenore, to finding Brianne last night. I skimmed over the hunting part, and even though I mentioned meeting with the wolves, I didn't tell her that I was planning on letting them kill me.

"But what happens now?" Brianne asked.

"I don't know," I lied. To distract her, I changed the subject. "So am I declared lost or something? Are people out looking for me?"

Brianne hesitated. "Well…"

I had a bad feeling about this. "Brianne, is anyone looking for me?"

"No. No one knows you're missing."

"_What?_"

I could hear her shifting nervously, and she got the placating tone she used when trying to reduce the time she spent grounded. "I told Christine and them you were still not feeling well. You'd left that note, anyway, the one that said not to get freaked out because you were gone, and I got it the next morning. So when they asked if I wanted to go up to Seattle and Port Angeles with them, I said yes. And then I said yes when they invited me to La Push."

I sighed and closed my eyes, resting the heel of my free hand against my forehead. "Brianne, I was gone for three days. _Three days_, Brianne. Anything could have happened. That note was only meant for the hour or so I was out walking."

She swallowed. "I'm sorry, Samantha. I know that I should have told someone, but I figured that Mom and Dad would come and take me back, and I really wanted to see everything… But this works, right? You'll have to fake your death, and it'll be easier this way, now that people haven't been looking for you." I quietly laughed at the irony so that Brianne couldn't hear it. Fake my death. I was going to do one better.

"Yeah, I guess it will be easier that way," I answered. Then I swallowed, and began to speak slowly and clearly. "Brianne, I need you to listen very carefully to me. Have you told anyone that," I swallowed, "vampires are… real?" I never thought I would hear myself saying something like that.

"No. I would have had to tell everyone about you, then. And then they would take me home."

"Okay. Don't tell anyone. I mean it- nothing about the werewolves, about the vampires, about me. I will die a normal but tragic death, and that's all anyone needs to know."

"Even Mom and Dad?"

"Even Mom and Dad. Knowing is dangerous, Brianne. Think about it. What did Bella have to worry about once people knew she knew about the Cullens?"

Brianne gave a sharp gasp. "You mean, the Volturi?"

"Yes. So to keep you safe, to keep our parents and friends safe, you can't tell anyone. No one will ever know."

"Will I ever hear from you again?" Brianne asked.

I was the one to hesitate this time. "No, Brianne. You won't ever see or hear from me again." But I would let her imagine that I was living out there somewhere, happy. I wasn't going to tell her I was going to die. In this final action, I was protecting her, like I was still just her older sister.

"So this is goodbye, forever?"

"Yes, Brianne. Some of the wolves are going to come and see you. Be polite, even if you don't like the characters in the books. They're going to help you, like I can't."

"Samantha?" she asked, her voice quivering the way it did when she was trying not to cry.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry if I was rude to you, about fighting over Edward and Jacob." Jacob. I knew that name. And Bella… Suddenly everything made sense. Leah, the wolf in love with Sam, who had flinched at hearing my name. Jacob, the wolf who had loved a girl named Bella… He'd called _me_ Bella. Did I look like her? I hoped not.

"I know. It's okay. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," she said. I hung up then. I didn't want to spend forever on goodbyes that I didn't know how to say.

"I'm done," I called, and the werewolves came back into view.

"That was a very kind thing you did," Jacob said.

I looked at him. If I had been human, I would have been fighting back tears. But there were no tears. "Kind?" I asked him. "She's my sister."

"And you didn't tell her what you asked us to do. You must love her very much," Jacob noted. He looked at me in a new light, studying me. "Do you really want to die?" I couldn't tell if his question was out of curiosity, or coming from something I didn't understand.

"What else can I do? I know what I am. There is no going back, and I don't want to be a killer. On my own, with my instincts driving me, I would be just that, a murderer and a monster." I held my hands out to him, and he took the phone back.

One of the wolves who had previously been silent spoke up. "She's an enemy, Jacob, she's not one of us. She's _not_ human. It's a leech, and for once, they're making it easy on us. It's like she's been gift wrapped and hand delivered. Why don't we just kill her?" He wasn't as pleased at the idea as his words made it sound. I guessed that very few vampires seemed as human as I did at that moment. And it was harder to kill someone who was like you, who had a little sister, who cared about people... I never should have spoken to Brianne.

"Paul, there's no fun involved if she isn't running," another complained, and some of the others laughed, breaking the tension. I looked away from them, back to Jacob, who was handing the phone back to Sam.

"What alternatives do you have, Jacob?" Sam asked him quietly.

"She can't die."

"You can't save her. She isn't Bella."

"And you aren't the Alpha anymore."

Sam's voice got quieter, but I could still hear it. "It's been eight years, Jacob. Don't you think it's time to let her go?"

"I think I know the difference between Bella and a newborn vampire. Bella chose her life. She can live with the consequences." Jacob's voice turned bitter and sharp.

"Then why…"

"I don't know why. But I'm not going to let her die."

"Doesn't my opinion count?" I asked, breaking in on their discussion.

Jacob turned to look at me with steady, dark eyes. "No. This is a pack decision. And therefore, being Alpha, it's my decision."

"How are you going to stop me from killing people? Keep me tied to a tree in the middle of the forest and throw bears at me?"

"Hey, Embry, she's got a sarcastic sense of humor. Must be your future wife," someone called out, jabbing his neighbor in the ribs.

He also began to join in the laughter, and added, "A match made in heaven! They'd fight all the time, and enjoy it!"

The wolf being teased glowered. "Shut up, Quil, Jared."

I turned my eyes from the laughing wolves. I was being serious. How could they joke about it? "There's something else I want to know." I paused. "All the people from the books are real? You're _that_ Jacob?"

Jacob winced. "Yes. Not even our names were changed," he said softly, and I knew instantly that I had made a mistake in asking him. The sudden change in his demeanor showed that he was expecting some sort of verbal retaliation from me. Of course, I had seen the damage that rabid Edward lovers could do in the presence of Jacob lovers. How bad would it be with Jacob himself?

I regretted saying anything about it. "I'm sorry, I just thought… Jacob is a common enough name, you know."

"It isn't your fault people come to La Push with pitchforks," Leah said. "It's _hers_." Jacob snapped around to glare at her, and she fell silent. For once, she had gone too far. The other wolves, sensing the tension, stopped laughing.

"So, what are my options here, since I don't get a say?" I asked, interrupting the tense silence.

"The only option I see is to get you to a place where some… vegetarian vampires can take you in."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"There are only two clans we know of; one we've lost contact with. The other is in Denali, Alaska."

I bit my lip, suddenly aware of how sharp my teeth were. "So how do I get there without killing anyone on the way?"

"We take you. Any volunteers?"

Paul said, "You can't be serious."

"I am completely serious," Jacob responded.

Leah looked at Sam for a moment, and then at me. "I'll go," she said. Her voice had a small tremor in it that I wouldn't have heard had I been human.

"Anyone else?" Jacob asked. No one responded. Some shuffled their feet and looked at the ground. All were avoiding eye contact.

"I guess I'll go, then. Sam, you are in charge until I come back. You can go back to your duties now."

"Jacob, I don't think…" one said, coming up to his shoulder.

"Thinking or not, that was an order. Go back to your duties." They all reluctantly left, glancing back at me, leaving just Leah, Jacob and me behind.

"Why do you have to come?" Leah asked sullenly.

"You think you can handle a newborn werewolf by yourself, Leah? Becoming too confident is going to hurt you someday."

"So I can't do it on my own. But it's not like she's running anywhere. She _wants_ to do what we tell her."

"And when we cross a human's path? How reasonable is she going to be then?"

Leah scowled. "You know why I want to go. And I want to go alone. I can handle it."

"No." Jacob's tone was final.

"Why not?"

He looked at her. "Because vampires don't sleep. We won't be taking the highway. Avoiding humans will make our trip longer than you'll want to be without sleep."

"How do you know that the vampires are still there?" I asked.

"We don't."

"And if they aren't?"

"We'll figure that out when we get there."

"Don't they want to kill you?"

"Ah. Third book, am I right?"

I nodded. "Blame my sister- she's the one who's obsessed."

"We… reconciled our differences. We fought, and the leeches lost. But we let them crawl away to lick their wounds. So they owe us one."

"I'm not sure you're making the right choice," I said softly. "Even if I can gain control, there's nothing to say I won't… slip up."

Jacob's eyes were pained. "I know that. But the fact remains that you came to us for help, after we had failed you. Whether or not this is the right thing to do, well, that's a matter of opinion."

"I came to you so you could kill me."

"Would you rather die? I am giving you the chance to live."

I met his gaze, and saw something there that I couldn't name. He wasn't doing this for me alone. He had some sort of a stake in this; I just didn't know what it was. "Alright," I agreed. "But if I become unmanageable, if something happens and you can't stop me any other way, you have to kill me. Agreed?"

Jacob nodded. "It's a deal."

"Shall we go?" Leah asked, looking as if she had just swallowed something she didn't like.

"Not yet. We have some things to do first."

"Like what?" I asked, my curiosity taking over.

"Like getting you some clothes to travel in that aren't covered in blood, for one thing."

"Oh."

"And faking a death." He cracked his knuckles, and Leah began to grin.

"I've never done that before. This should be fun," she said.

Jacob smiled as well as he looked down at me. "So, Samantha, how would you like to die?

* * *

Please review!


	8. Chapter Seven: Brianne

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or anything contained therein- however, Samantha and Brianne are mine.

Special thanks to amgglekim and Masochisim- go show them your love and read their stuff. Any mistakes you find are mine, due to me working twelve hours, coming home after midnight, and staying up to edit so that you all can get the chapter on time-ish. The question is, am I dedicated, or do I just not like being chased with pitchforks?

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Seven: Brianne

Leah POV

Faking a death would be fun. The slight edge of something so forbidden, so illegal… That was the only thrill I found now. Of course, when it came to secrets as large as ours, a little lawbreaking now and then was necessary. But the excitement of it never dissipated. In that one way I was able to break away from the rules that guided my existence. I hated rules. That was one of the reasons I had volunteered to work with the leech, although with her, it was even worse than going against laws and commands, it went against my nature. I was undecided whether or not it was worth it.

I refused to call her Sam. I could handle Samantha, but barely. At least she was nothing like _him_. That they had similar names made me angry and miserable at the same time. How was I ever going to leave him behind me? My mind shuddered away from both answers. Yes would mean letting him go. No would mean living in agony for the rest of my life. And I would rather be angry than in pain.

The fact that Jacob was going to be my shadow on the journey to Alaska fueled my rage even more. All I wanted was to disappear- to escape. Having Jacob along would just bring my past right along with me. I could just hear his thoughts now, all about Sam and the pack and never letting me have a moment's peace. Because her memory still plagued him, he would grasp at anything that kept her image away. I could understand that; maybe it was the reminders that allowed me to understand that made me so angry. Or it could just be because my pack leader was in love with our mortal enemies.

"Leah." I brought my eyes up to meet Jacob's. He was still incredibly tall, much taller than I was, but I refused to let the difference in height intimidate me.

"Yes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Did you hear any of that?"

"No," I answered, honestly, but rudely as well.

"We need you to go to the sister. Get anything from her that Samantha might need. And then take her car up to the cliffs. We'll meet you there."

"You're bringing her into our land?" I hissed. I would never let that happen. The only vampires that came into our land were destroyed, because they were enemies, picking off our people while we searched them down and killed them. Bringing in a leech was insane, unheard of, and for a very good reason. There was no way we could endanger our people like that.

"We don't have many options here, Leah. We need to make a death with no body, unless _you_ want to steal one from the local morgue. Do you want to be luring more people into the woods for the wandering bloodsuckers to off them? We already have enough trouble with tourists. If we fake her death by a wild animal or something like that, people will be searching in the woods, and we'll be two short on patrols with the two of us gone."

I glared at him. "That doesn't mean we would have to bring her into Quileute land, Jacob. Think of something else."

"Leah…" He sighed. "There just aren't any other options. I don't see you offering up any other alternatives."

Jacob was right. I couldn't think of many alternatives, at least, not plausible ones.

"We need to make this convincing. Not to mention, it would be a good thing to give some sort of closure. If Samantha drives off the cliff, and leaves the car at the bottom, they'll search for her body, and not find it. But everyone will know she's dead. There's no way for a human to survive that. Especially if we pick a high enough cliff."

I could see that he was right, but I fought him on it anyway. "How are you going to keep people away from her?"

"We'll go far above La Push, at night. There will be no one on the roads."

His logic was hard to fight with. As much as I didn't like it, even I could see the benefits of Jacob's plan. So I turned my complaints in another direction, wanting to show my displeasure. There was always going to be _something_ I found unsatisfactory. "Why do I have to be the one to go find the sister?" I complained. I had little desire to walk into a camp full of Twilight fans.

This time it was Samantha who answered. "Brianne… is a little obsessed. She's the kind of fan that would go crazy trying to beat Jacob up if she had any idea who he was. I don't know how much of that has changed, but I'd rather not risk it. She has nothing against you."

I ground my teeth. "She better not have a problem with me," I grumbled, and turned to go.

"Leah?" Samantha asked.

"Yeah?" I snapped.

"Thanks."

I softened. How was it that this vampire was able to immobilize my defenses so quickly? My walls caved simply because of her gratitude. I was losing sight of the vampire, and seeing the human she had been before, and even though that was dangerous, I couldn't forget the very human side of her. "No need to thank me," I answered, and turned away.

My hands fumbled with the knot to my sarong as I ran, and I fell to the ground with four paws as it came undone. I picked up the fabric in my teeth and began to run towards the campground that Samantha had described.

This was going to be easy. Samantha had said she'd almost killed her sister, and that the sister _knew_ what she was. So obviously, the vampire had gotten into the camp, leaving her scent behind. And she couldn't have gotten close to anyone else, so there shouldn't be any crossing trails to follow.

I snorted. Make that _painfully_ easy. Unless, of course, she had lied to us and killed someone; that was always a possibility. I wasn't so blind that I could rule it out. If all went well, all I had to do was find Samantha's trail closer to Forks. Her scent would burn my nose, in the same way that icy water quickly felt like it was setting your skin ablaze. It wasn't easy to miss.

Not that her scent in person was any better; but I had wanted to be alone, to be my own person, and think things through without being interrupted. I could only…

I didn't know what exactly it was that I wanted. I only had hopes for something I couldn't name. Was it happiness? Feeling needed? Wanted? Like I had a purpose? After all, was that so much to want out of life?

I almost laughed. I knew the answer. No one owed me anything. What I got, I either deserved, or I fought to make it better. Maybe it was time for me to start fighting harder.

I was jerked out of my thoughts by the scent of vampire, but the instinctual hair raising at the nape of my neck smoothed back again as I recognized it. It was Samantha's trail; I'd found what I'd been looking for. My nose twitched in revulsion, and I plunged ahead until I could hear the campground. Then I shifted, dressed, and walked into the camp.

Most of the campers were already gone, leaving to whatever tourist event they had planned. Others were in their tents, having finished their tourist activities already.

None of my senses were as strong as they were in wolf form, but I could still smell vampire, icy, sweet, and dangerous. As I turned to follow it, I saw a rusty, white car. It could be the car that Samantha had described.

Beside the car, in one of the chairs by the fire pit, sat a girl with brown hair. She looked up as I came closer, and I saw that she vaguely looked like Samantha, in the way that any human could look like a vampire.

"Are you Brianne?" I asked her.

She tilted her head to one side and said, "Depends. Who are you?" Just enough attitude and sarcasm were injected into her words that I was unsure of whether to like her or despise her.

"I'm Leah. Your sister asked me to come."

Her eyes widened, and I saw the pieces click into place. "Are you… a _werewolf?_" she asked in a loud whisper. I nodded, and she squealed. "So is that what girl werewolves wear?" she asked, looking at the mottled green sarong with curious eyes.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't met any other female werewolves. It's what I find easiest." I shrugged the question away.

She glanced up at my face again. "You're… Leah? Like, in the books, Leah?"

I abruptly wished that I hadn't said anything. "Yes," I admitted, not liking the direction this was headed.

"OH. MY. GOD!" she said, making each word seem like its own sentence, her eyes brightening. "Can I have your autograph?"

I cleared my throat pointedly. "No. Don't you want to know about your sister?"

She bit her lip, snapped back to reality. No longer just another fan, but a human being. "How is she?" Brianne asked.

Not good, I wanted to say. How could anyone find themselves in her position and have a good time? Even all these girls who wanted that, who wanted to be vampires… They disgusted me sometimes. How could anyone want that? They were misguided, innocent, thinking only of the positive things, never the negative consequences. No choice was ever completely good. There was always something that had to be given up. None of them would have been thrilled to find themselves in Samantha's place, no matter how much they proclaimed ptherwise. Still I hesitated. "How would you expect her to be?"

Brianne actually smiled. "Somewhere along the lines of angry and upset. She hates vampires."

I blinked in surprise, and laughed. I hadn't had reason to laugh for a long time. "We have something in common, then," I mused. "Rather ironic."

The smile left Brianne's face as I mentioned the enmity between the wolves and the vampires, and I almost regretted saying it. _Almost._

"I guess it is ironic… But how is she?" Now I heard the timbre of her voice. She was pretending that everything was fine, and it would have fooled me had I not heard the worry in her tone.

"She's as well as can be expected. She's… worried about you, mostly."

"That sounds like Samantha." Brianne rolled her eyes. "It's only me, because I'm younger than her. She feels like she has to make sure I am okay before anything else. It's annoying. If you've ever had an older sibling, you know what it's like."

"I can imagine," I said noncommittally.

"Oh, that's right. You're the oldest." Brianne sniffed. "So you're more like Sam."

I tried to react nonchalantly to the name Brianne was throwing around, but I couldn't ignore the fact that my hands were shaking. I hid them from Brianne, placing them on my hips in an attempt to steady them. _Calm._ I could do calm.

"So, what do we do now?" Brianne asked.

Here it went. "I need anything Samantha would carry with her everywhere, and some clothes that haven't been worn yet. Her car keys as well."

"Her car keys?" Brianne looked confused.

I raised my eyebrow. "Well, how would you recommend we fake her death?"

"Oh," she muttered, and stood up and got into her tent. I followed her. "Here's her purse, cell phone, wallet, chap stick, a comb…" She shoved the things into my hands, and I quickly threw the loose items into the purse as she passed them to me. "And clothes? Why?"

"I think you may have seen the state of the ones she's wearing," I answered.

"Oh. Yes, I did see…" She nodded, recalling the images she'd seen. "I thought she'd been hurt. I was scared, because she was all hunched down, her hair messed up, and she was covered in dried blood… I thought…" She shook her head. "But then I saw her face. Her eyes frightened me the most, because not only did they not look like my sister, they didn't look human. I knew that she was going to kill me. She told me she was sorry; then she was gone. This is her bag."

Brianne reached forward to unzip it, but I stopped her, placing my hand on her arm. She jerked back, surprised at the heat. Not that I blamed her. The weather was finally hot for the summer, and my skin couldn't have felt comfortable. I almost laughed, again. Since when were werewolves comfortable to be around?

"I'll get her the clothes," I told her. "I know that I won't smell at all appealing to her, but it would be better than if they smelled too much like you, because you would smell appealing."

Understanding dawned on her face. "I'd smell good, wouldn't I?"

"In all the wrong ways," I answered. Brianne backed away, a single shudder running down her body. I could only imagine the mental images running through her mind. "There they are. All yours." I knelt down to look through the duffle bag. "Wait."

I looked up, a pair of jeans on my lap. "Yes?"

Brianne held up a sealed bag. "I ordered this from a website. It's in Samantha's size. I got it for her, hoping I could get her to wear it at least one day. Take this one. She'll think of me when she wears it. I never opened it, so you don't have to worry about how it smells or anything."

I accepted the package, and grabbed some shoes and underwear, and went out to the car. "You might want to get everything you really want to keep out of the car."

"You're going to wreck it?"

"Yes."

Brianne grabbed a set of keys and unlocked the car, grabbing a CD out from the dashboard. "That's it. We unpacked everything else."

"Okay. Here's the plan. Tomorrow, call the police. Tell them your sister went out for a drive, and didn't come back. You had a bit of an argument, I'm sure you can make up a reason, and then she drove off to calm herself. She does drive for that, doesn't she?" Brianne nodded. "The police will find that her car has gone over the cliffs near La Push. Your parents will be contacted, and you will have to go home. You will never tell anyone what really happened. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she said.

I put the things for Samantha in the car, and took the keys from Brianne.

"Tell her I will always keep my email address," Brianne said. "Just in case… In a few years or whatever… She has the option."

Since when did I become the messenger for these two sisters? But the line had already been crossed. Both of them were partly in my responsibility. "I'll tell her. If anything happens, if you ever need to contact us, if anything goes wrong with this death, then call that number that's on your cell."

"Whose is it?" Brianne asked. "The phone number?"

"Sam's," I said quietly.

"Oh." Her voice was soft as she realized what a touchy subject his name was with me.

"Goodbye, Brianne. Thank you for your help."

"You're saving my sister. So thank you. And I'm glad that, even though I can't tell anyone, I know she'll be out there alive somewhere." Tears sparkled in her eyes.

I nodded, not quite knowing what to say. Brianne turned away and walked into her tent. I heard her begin to cry, and got into the car to leave her some privacy. The engine roared to life, and I drove up to the cliffs above La Push.

Neither Jacob nor Samantha was there, so I opened up Samantha's wallet, curious to see who she was. You could learn a lot from the contents of someone's wallet. There were some cards, gift cards, a debit card, student ID, a driver's license and some certificates for various things. She even had some petty cash. But all that I learned was that the human Samantha liked to shop at Starbucks, had punch cards at a few Mexican restaurants, and was not by any means rich. Of course, I could have guessed that from the shape of the car, as well. Even Jacob never had a car in this kind of state, unless he pulled it from the junkyard first.

I was about to close the wallet when I spotted another compartment. It was filled with pictures, some of them battered from having been looked at, or just carried around loos in her purse. I pulled them out and shuffled through them.

The first one showed a human Samantha, smiling at the camera, obviously a picture she'd taken of herself, another one that looked like a senior photo of her in black and white, and the third was of her family. Her parents looked happy, their arms around Samantha and Brianne as they stood in front of a dying Christmas tree. Two people who were soon going to be told their daughter was dead.

I quickly moved to the next picture. It was folded strip, one of those photo booth reels, black and white. I unfolded it to see Samantha and Brianne. In the first one, Brianne was grinning as Samantha made a funny face. The next was Samantha playfully punching a giggling Brianne in the arm. In the third, they were both grinning widely. In the last frame, Brianne pulled up a battered hardback copy of _Twilight_ and Samantha looked irritated. I smiled at it, despite myself. Those two girls were very close. It was a pity that they were no longer able to be near each other.

I folded it back in half and flipped through the rest of the photos. Occasionally, there were some of people, with names inscribed on the back, friends she'd lost contact with by the look of the dates. The rest of the pictures were flowers and other artsy shots, in both color and black-and-white. Samantha must have liked taking pictures. I put them back into her wallet and waited, having finished with my searching.

It was hard to reconcile the two images, the one of the smiling human girl, and the heartless monster. I wasn't sure if I ever could bring them together.

The sky grew darker, and the clouds grumbled. A storm was coming. And then, out of the darkness, Jacob and Samantha appeared, just as a flash of lightning lit up the sky. I got out of the car as the rain began to fall. It was time for Samantha to die.

* * *

Special thanks to Anna, for her challenge with this scene. I do occasionally take suggestions, just FYI.

Please review- I will give you teasers, unless you don't deserve them... JK! I mean, _want_ them...


	9. Chapter Eight: Death

Disclaimer: I only own Samantha and Brianne. Everything else is Stephenie Meyer's. Lucky lady.

Thanks again to amgglekim and Masochisim for the beta.

* * *

Chapter 8- Death

"So, Samantha, how would you like to die?" Jacob asked.

The question surprised me. I was not prepared for it, and it derailed my train of thought. Was Jacob going to kill me after all? My mind rejected that possibility; he wouldn't suddenly go back on his word. After all, wolves fought as a group, not singly; vampires had the upper hand in single combat. Even including Leah, the two of them were at a disadvantage.

"What?" I asked, needing clarification.

Jacob smiled, and I saw a little bit of humor lighten his eyes, but it wasn't enough to fight away the dominating shadows. "We're faking your death. Opinions?"

The very idea that he was asking me for my own thoughts amazed me. I wasn't sure if it was from that same hidden motivation that prompted him to keep me alive, or just a mark of Jacob's growth from the teenage boy into an adult. Something else to wonder about. The books showed someone much younger, someone who hadn't become as hardened by life. Jacob was not the same person that he had been, and I was curious about what had changed.

It took only a fraction of a second for my brain to switch tracks, comprehend his meaning and answer his question, while processing this new information. My brain had never been able to do that much at once before. Then again, wouldn't vampires, who could move faster than the human eye could see, have to be able to process things just as quickly? Something else to add to my list of things to think of later, when I had more time on my hands. Of course, I had nothing _but_ time on my hands now.

"Well, we don't have a body, do we? Not unless we pull a Dr. Frankenstein move." Jacob nodded, agreeing with me. Leah just stood there, frowning, her eyes distant.

I continued thinking out loud. "But missing…" My voice trailed off as I considered this. Missing. I had read a news story once about someone who went missing on a hike, and twenty years later, his parents still hoped that he would reappear, that he hadn't died. The mother had told the reporter that she would rather know, either way, so she could move on from hoping… If I 'disappeared', my parents would always hold onto the hope that I still might be alive, somehow, somewhere… No. That was not an option.

"I would like to give people some closure, if I can," I said softly. I knew that it wasn't something I was in a position to ask for.

Jacob looked at me for a moment, and then nodded. "I know; I don't like the wild animal approach… We have enough tourists in the woods as it is, I don't want to add search parties to the list of people we need to keep an eye on."

We both fell silent and thought. Scenarios flew threw my mind, only to be rejected outright even before they fully formed from ideas into plans. Drowning? Again, a missing body. Car crash? Poison? Stab wounds, murder? They all required bodies.

I might be able to handle a dead body; after all, all their fluids, like blood, were drained and replaced with some sort of embalming liquid, wasn't it? While that part might be relatively easy, it opened up a new slew of problems. For example, getting me into the city where the morgue was could prove disastrous. Also, the presence of embalming fluids meant we needed a plan that made it impossible to perform an autopsy or ID me from anything other than my belongings. Another problem was DNA. How did you have an accident involving a body that didn't leave anything for DNA testing? Maybe I would just have to disappear after all.

"Well," Jacob said suddenly, "We could send your car over the cliffs. It isn't the best solution, but it's definitely an option." His eyes went hard as he considered this. Cliffs. Would these be the same cliffs Bella had jumped from in the books? I looked at Jacob's face even harder, trying to find some sign that it wasn't. I didn't want that, both for myself, and I think, Jacob as well.

I couldn't think of any other options. Jacob couldn't either, apparently, and his eyes shook off the far away look and he turned to Leah, calling her name.

"Yes?" She looked up at him, her hands on her hips in defiance.

"Did you hear any of that?" he asked her.

"No." Her voice was short.

I saw rather than heard Jacob sigh. "We need you to go to the sister. Get anything from her that Samantha might need; and then take her car up to the cliffs. We'll meet you there."

"You're bringing her into our land?" Leah's rebellious attitude had suddenly turned openly hostile. I could understand why. It must have been hard for Jacob to consider bringing me to where his own people were; after all, I was no better than a volatile weapon.

Where were the lines between vampires and werewolves, and where did I stand in them? When would the wolves say, "We've helped you this far, but no farther"? I wasn't blind; I saw the way they stiffened when the breeze brought my scent to them, the way their hair stood on end as their hands shook. How much could I ask of their control?

Jacob explained the situation to Leah, and I saw her relax a little, still tense, but gradually accepting what we had to do. We… Was there really a "we" here, or was I imagining things? I shook the thought away.

"Why do I have to be the one to go find the sister?" she complained.

I looked at Jacob before I answered, but his smooth face gave nothing away.

"Brianne… is a little obsessed. The kind of fan that would go crazy trying to beat Jacob up if she had any idea who he was. I don't know how much of that has changed, but I'd rather not risk it. She has nothing against you."

Leah's fierce expression made me fear for Brianne, just for a moment. "She better not have a problem with me," she muttered, before she stomped off.

I smiled. Brianne was going to be fine. Leah was grumpy, bitter, and defiant, but she was never spiteful to me, and I doubted she would be towards my sister unless, of course, Brianne did something to deserve it. "Leah?" I called after her.

She whirled around. "Yeah?"

"Thanks," I said. Right now, Brianne was the most important thing to me. I hoped that the one word could manage to convey that.

Leah stopped for a moment, looking suddenly vulnerable, and nodded, running off into the forest, leaving me alone with Jacob. I listened to the pattern of her two legs change into the beat of four paws against the ground.

"What do we do now?" I asked. "It'll be a few hours until nightfall."

He shrugged. "We wait."

We both fell silent, sitting down so our backs rested against two trees directly across from each other. I gradually came to realize the stillness that grew in intensity. So I began to speak, to try to loosen the tension in the atmosphere.

"So this Twilight stuff… it's real."

"Yes," Jacob answered simply.

"How? How can it be real? How is Stephenie Meyer the author? Where does she fit in? How come the Volturi haven't squashed this thing?"

He smiled, but again, it didn't meet his eyes. Now that I thought about it, I don't think it ever did. "Ah, the Volturi. Well, they aren't as powerful as people seem to think they are."

Now my attention was caught. "Really? How come?"

"They have to live by their own rules. They don't have the ability to know everything that is going on in the world. By the time they heard about Twilight, it was too late to stop it. My guess is that American pop culture is not as important as other vampires. It never occurred to them that the two might be linked."

Jacob laughed, his voice turning bitter. Certainly more bitter than mine ever had been. Yes, I had been scorned, treated like dirt, even been hit once or twice, but I had never fallen deeply in love with someone who left me broken, like Jacob had. Like I was guessing Jacob had. There was always the possibility that Bella could have died, or something. She didn't necessarily choose Edward.

Whatever had happened between him and Bella, Jacob was still not happy. He might not ever be. His calm, composed demeanor was only an act.

"How much do you know about Stephenie Meyer?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"That she wrote the Twilight series. Oh, and she's a Mormon, with three boys. At least, I think it's three. She has a husband, of course. But that's about all I can think of. My sister was the expert. I only know what she told me, and I can't remember all of it." I don't know how anyone remembered it. Unless they were Stephenie Meyer, there was no excuse. Well, the wolves had an excuse. If someone wrote a book about me, and I suddenly found out about it, I would be incredibly curious and infuriated at the same time.

"Well, she didn't write the Twilight books. Not without help anyway. She went to Brigham Young University, in Utah. She majored in English, mostly studying literature, not creative writing. You can find that on any website you go to. But what you can't find is any mention of her best friend in college. Bella Swan. Bella Cullen, now. Meyer knew her as Isa Masen." He took a deep breath. "Bella also majored in English; she always loved to write. Eventually, she wrote her story. It could never be published, not by her, at least."

So Bella had chosen Edward. She was a vampire, like me. Absently, I wondered if she liked it. She'd actually chosen her fate. Did that make a difference?

I remained silent, just letting him speak. How could I respond? It was not an easy thing for Jacob to tell me this, but I wasn't about to stop him with comments from the peanut gallery.

"She must have worked hard trying to stop herself from killing anyone. Because it was only a few years after…" He cleared his throat, not wanting to finish the thought. "She always cared more about others than herself. I suppose that would help."

Jacob closed his eyes. A few more minutes passed, but I didn't move, not wanting to startle him. Then he sighed, and opened his eyes. "As far as we can tell, Bella gave her manuscript to Meyer, and Meyer agreed to publish it under her own name. Then Isa Masen disappeared forever. I don't think she had any idea her story was going to be so popular. If the Volturi found her now, they would kill her. Simply because she's become such an irritation." He tried to sound matter-of-fact as he spoke, but tenderness and anguish crept into his tone as he spoke about Bella.

"You still love her." It wasn't a question. Jacob snapped his head up to look at me, a brief shudder traveling through his body. He ignored it, but I stiffened, ready to back away.

"How could I love someone who betrayed me for the very person who would hurt me the most?" His voice turned suddenly harsh and angry.

I just watched him, giving him a look that was both full of compassion, but at the same time, quite clearly said "I know you're lying". I was playing with fire, and I knew it, but my curiosity was greater than my will to live.

He shrugged. "What does it matter? She's dead. It's like mourning the death of someone you loved. No matter how much you care about them, it won't change anything. She's gone; my enemy took her place."

I was unsure of what to say to that. My current state put me into a rather awkward position. So I told him the only thing I had left to say. "If it makes you feel any better, I was on Team Jacob."

"Was?" There was a sense of desperation in his voice that I didn't understand.

"I thought I was rooting for a fictional character," I answered. Jacob tipped his head to the side in question.

"Why does that make a difference to you? Anyone else, if they knew who I was, would hate me, just because of who I was to her. To them." I didn't need the clarification to know he was speaking of Edward and Bella.

Jacob was far more than character in some book, more than an obstacle to a relationship. He was a person, who had much more to him than I would ever be able to know, than could ever be contained between the pages of a book.

"I don't do that to people's lives. Not real people, with real thoughts and feelings and souls. That would be too much like a gladiator fight- playing with people for amusement. I think I can see the devastation it can bring." I watched his face closely as I asked the next question, the one I desperately wanted to know.

"Do I really look like her? Like Bella?"

He took a deep breath and blew it out again. "Not really. Your hair is about right, and you look about her age, but your face is very different, and you're a little taller. You only surprised me, that's all. For a moment, you looked exactly the way I imagined her to look." His voice grew thoughtful, more like he was speaking to himself than to me.

"Imagined? What happened, Jacob? To her, to you?" I used his name casually, like he had used mine.

His jaw clenched, and his hands began to shake. "I don't want to talk about it."

I backed away from the subject, distancing myself both physically and verbally. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I just…" I sighed and tried to frame my words the way I wanted them to go. "This isn't easy for me. I'm going to fake my own death. My parents are going to think I'm dead. I thought you were going to kill me. I almost killed my sister. And I find out that something I hated is actually real, and that I'm something I never wanted to be. I just wanted to distract myself. I'm sorry I even mentioned it."

Jacob was silent. I closed my eyes again, this time choosing to ignore the silence rather than stir up more tension by accident.

But then Jacob began to speak. "Right here, right now, is the closest I will ever get to having people unaware of me and my past. I can't run from it, no matter where I go or what I do. Either I'm aimless and alone, with plenty of time to think, or I am here, with a purpose, only to be burdened with reminders wherever I go. A little peace is all I want."

I opened my eyes again. "I'm sorry," I repeated, not knowing what to say.

He shrugged.

"Why didn't you all move?"

Jacob looked back up at me. "What do you mean?"

I mimicked his shrug. "Leah said that people come to La Push with pitchforks. Why didn't you just go somewhere else?"

He looked at me for a moment. "Do you know how a reservation works?"

I shook my head.

"We can't just leave. It is a little section of land the US government parcels out and we have our own laws inside the reservation. That's why you can get firecrackers there that are illegal anywhere else, why you can drink alcohol on a reservation before you're 21. And that makes it impossible for a whole tribe to just migrate. It isn't plausible. And we weren't going to leave our people unprotected."

"Oh."

Jacob closed his eyes. The sky had started turning darker. I could still see in both the light and the dark, but I appreciated the look of twilight. Before, everything had a blue tint to it- now I could clearly see the muted colors stand out, but they were softer than before, more subtle. My hands itched for a camera, but I had left my good camera at home. My travel camera, the one I didn't care about getting stolen, was back with the rest of my things.

I stood up again and started pacing in the dim light. "Say something," I pleaded. "I can't read your mind, and I can't take the silence anymore." It wasn't just the silence, though. It was the whole situation. _I_ was tense. Jacob was still calm, his heartbeat at a normal pace. However, I was about to sever my last tie with the world I knew; and that frightened me. Not to mention the waiting. I never was good with waiting.

He laughed again. "You have no idea how much of a relief that is, that you can't hear my thoughts. Everybody in my head all the time… Especially _him._"

More waiting. Jacob shook his head and changed the subject. "It's about time for us to leave." He stood up. "We need to give ourselves time to get there. It won't be easy."

"What's the plan?"

"We'll go north, above Forks. We'll have to cross one freeway, but nobody should be on it at this time. Besides, even if there are people, you can hold your breath before we even get there."

He shook his head, and stretched, and then he began walking. I figured he was going to shift into wolf form, and turned my gaze away to give him some privacy. But then he called out, "Samantha, what are you waiting for, an invitation? Come on!"

I followed. As we walked, much faster than human pace, I had a strange thought. Time passed so quickly now. It seemed as though the day was liquid. The movement of the sun, rather than marking the passage of time, was merely another change in the atmosphere. It was no different than a change in temperature, or the way rain started and stopped. Meaningless. Was time meaningless to me now?

Another thought, completely unrelated, struck me. Would my camera even pick up the delicate colors that I saw, or would I never be able to truly capture the beauty I was suddenly aware of? Why did it even matter?

I knew why it mattered. When I was upset, I drove, or I took pictures. It seemed like a long time ago now, back when my stress could fade away underneath the calm stance that I held while angling the camera to get a perfect picture, to bleed out my emotions into a photograph, or when I could leave my problems behind me when I drove. My problems were much bigger now.

What if I did kill someone? Was this worth it? Someday, eventually, I could become a murderer, give in to the monster. Even remembering Brianne's scent was enough to make the venom pool in my mouth. I swallowed. I didn't want this. I felt like suddenly shouting that to the sky. _I didn't want this._ Would I always crave blood? The desire, even unsated, filled me with self disgust.

I stopped. Jacob turned back to look at me, his eyebrows raised. "What is it?"

"Nothing." I shook my head. "I just never considered the possibility of being like this _forever._ I'm not sure I like the idea."

"Are you going to change your mind?"

I debated for a moment. "No." I looked away, ashamed. "I won't lie; I want to live. I just don't want it to be like this."

"Then let's go."

We moved on for a much longer time without pause. Jacob stopped walking and turned to me. "There's a storm coming. Can you sense it?"

I thought about it. Yes, I could. The prickling sensation, the chill in the breeze, the heaviness in the air. Jacob could probably sense it much better than I, not only because he knew how to make sense of it, but because his instincts were rooted in a heritage that needed to be prepared for weather. Vampires had no need to pay attention to it. Sunlight was the only thing we had to hide from. But I could sense the impending storm, so I nodded.

"We're almost at the highway. Hold your breath."

I obeyed him without a second thought. It was odd, but I didn't realize before that moment exactly how much I relied on my sense of smell. I remembered the time when I was a little child, and I didn't think I needed eyesight anymore, so I closed my eyes to walk down the hall. I was unable to walk in a straight line, completely helpless, running into everything. It was like that with the sense of smell. My perceptions, my continually shifting sense of the world that followed my movements, were suddenly gone. I was cut off from the world in some fundamental way, and I didn't like it.

As soon as Jacob and I reached the highway, I saw a car passing. It didn't bother me at all. I was surprised and grateful for that at the same time. My sense of smell was much stronger than my eyesight or hearing, although those were sharp as well. I held no illusions that a car would keep the scent of their blood away from me.

"It's clear," Jacob said, and we left the shadows and crossed the pavement. I knew that I didn't want to be seen, not like this. If I saw anyone wandering along the highway, dressed in bloody and stained clothing, looking deathly pale, I would call the police. Someone else, a little less cautious than me, might pull over and ask if I was okay. We didn't certainly need any other humans in the area, well-meaning or otherwise.

"You can start breathing again, if you like," Jacob said, still walking ahead of me.

Air flooded into my lungs with the first breath. The scents around me were so much stronger now in the sudden dizzying rush of information after their absence. Jacob's scent was the strongest, making me snort to try and clear the scent from my nose. He turned and smiled. "Not too pleasant, is it?"

"Not really, no. It's not that you smell _bad_ so much as…" What was the word I was looking for? "Not right. Dangerous. It sets me on edge."

"Yours sets me on edge, too. But you actually _do_ smell bad." Despite myself, I felt a laugh escape my lips. _This_ was the Jacob I had read about.

We started walking again. No humans had been here in a while. There were a few trails where hikers had been, but the scent was so faint that I only felt the ache in the back of my throat a little stronger than before. Other than that, I felt right again. No wonder characters were always telling vampires to hold their breath in the books. They didn't want to do it in the first place. It was not something I was looking forward to; in my condition, I would have to be doing this a lot, especially traveling.

There were a few other roads we had to cross, but luckily there were no drivers out on the road. The clouds had turned almost black, so thick and heavy that I could feel it every time I took a breath.

"Almost there," Jacob murmured.

We cleared the tree line and stepped out onto the road on the edge of the cliff. Lightning flashed overhead, and I could see the individual jagged lines instead of one large flash. Electricity filled the air, causing the hair on my arms to prickle. Thunder rolled behind it.

"Just in time," Leah said, coming forward from where she leaned against my car.

"The storm does help things a bit," Jacob agreed. "What have we got?"

"Some clothes for Samantha to change into…" she leveled her gaze towards me. "_After_ you crash the car, of course. Your purse is here, too. Anything you could have in your pockets you can take out." She handed my purse to me, keeping the clothes draped over her arm. I pulled out my keys, and my wallet, leaving everything else behind. My hands hesitated when they felt the camera inside. I wanted to keep it, but I knew that would not be in my pocket if I had crashed. So I left it in my purse.

I sighed, and looked up at the two werewolves, handing over the wallet. "I'm ready. I think."

Their gazes showed understanding at my reluctance. This was my last link to the world I knew.

"Your sister told me to tell you she'll always keep her email. Just in case." Another bolt of lightning lit up the sky as Leah spoke.

"She didn't bother you too badly?"

"Except for when she asked for my _autograph_." Leah's voice was flat and unamused, but Jacob bit back a smile that Leah, luckily, didn't see.

"Brianne is… Brianne. She'll grow up a little, someday." I hoped. Everyone was silent as the second rumble of thunder passed overhead.

"Are we waiting for anything?" I asked.

Leah glanced up at the sky. "Just for the rain," she said.

Of course. I remembered from Driver's Ed, the most dangerous time to drive in rain was the first and last half hour. That's when the roads were the oiliest, or something like that. Driver's Ed was never particularly helpful. Mostly they tried to frighten you into being so cautious that you didn't ever get into an accident, but that bit of information was useful.

"The rain would make it harder to pinpoint when exactly the car went over," Jacob explained. "Not to mention it cuts down your view and your control. It's easier to believe it's an accident if it's raining." Oh. Change that last statement. I didn't learn anything worthwhile from Driver's Ed.

I heard the rain before I felt it. It started falling out on the water, before it swept in to the shore, drenching all three of us. "So what do I do?" I asked, moving towards my car.

"Go a little too fast to make that turn at the bottom of the hill. It'll send you straight off of the cliff onto the rocks. Afterwards, just climb up," Jacob said.

"Quickly, please. I want to get out of the rain," Leah said.

I got into my car, put the keys into the ignition, and buckled my seatbelt. Poor car. It had had a good life, and now I was going to kill it. I shook my head. Now was not the time for sentimentality. I turned the key, got my car into gear, and pressed down on the gas. The speed picked up more quickly than I expected it to, and I felt my stomach tighten, and my muscles lock into place as I braced myself for the impact with the quickly approaching barrier. I knew, in the back of mind, that this wouldn't hurt me, but it still frightened me.

I slammed on the brakes at the last second, terrified of falling, skidding wildly. But it was too late to stop, and the metal barrier ground against the metal of my car hood, before the barrier gave away, and I was plummeting to the roiling waters and rocks below. I threw my hands over my eyes before the impact hit.

* * *

I picked a song for each of these characters- Jacob, Leah and Samantha. Don't ask me why, I just did. If you guess what they are, or even just one right, I'll give you an honorable mention, and I might work you into a cameo (unless you already have one. Anna. Audrey. This means you). Hint- they're all Evanescence songs.

You know the deal. Review, and I give you a teaser. Don't review, and you will forever wonder what you're missing out on.

And Anna- welcome back. I missed you, too.


	10. Chapter Nine: Journeys

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, its characters or world. I only own some OCs.

* * *

THIS IS NOW EDITED. Thank you, amgglekim and Masochisim!

The week of BD, don't expect any updates. I generally only have one day a week set aside to write or read. I read the Host, last week, the reason this chapter is so very late. I KNOW that I will be spending my precious reading time reading BD in an attempt to beat the spoilers.

The chapter goes to Anna, who requested the shirt.

Chapter Nine

The fall was more terrifying than going through the metal barrier. I had never been airborne in a car before, even though I had been in a fender bender once or twice. This was no little accident, however. Suddenly I was lifted up out of my seat, only my seatbelt keeping me from flying through the back window.

My car hit one large rock outcropping on the passenger side, causing my car to crinkle up and the window to shatter. Another ledge hit the other side, and I ducked to avoid being hit in the head with the jagged edges of the front window and connecting metal as it was sheared apart over me. The glass shattered and the pieces went flying, torn out of place by the cliff side. The force of the rock against the vehicle caused my poor car to spin in the air, making a complete flip so that the water was visible to me as I looked up.

The water was dark except for the whitecaps hitting the few rocks at the bottom. My clarity of vision did little to calm me. Instead, I panicked, trying to pull my body out of my seat without undoing the seatbelt, the wind and rain whipping against me.

My efforts were useless, and if I had been calm and able to think, I might have come up with a solution that actually worked, but it was too late for that. With a sudden splash, the water hit my skin with a force that jerked me in my seatbelt. I was submerged.

I tried to get the seatbelt undone, but it refused to move. I found it ripping away, shredding in my fingers as I clawed at it, desperate to reach the surface. The water was as restless under the surface as it appeared above, pulling at me, tossing me between the rocks, which might have shattered, had the density of the water itself not slowed me. I needed to get out of the disorienting ocean. My sense of sight, smell, and touch were all but useless to me. All I had was a dim recollection that up was…somewhere.

Did vampires sink in water? The thought terrified me, but then a voice in the back of my head answered, calming my nerves. They only sank if they didn't move. I knew I then that I had to move.

I swam out of the car, forcing my limbs to work the way I wanted them to, fighting against the violent currents surrounding me to reach the rocks. Rock wall climbing had never been my idea of fun, but I didn't like the loss of control I felt when the water washed over me, either. I hefted myself out of the Pacific Ocean, one hand at a time.

It didn't take me long to reach the top. This was not like gym class, when I had trouble lifting my body weight. I was able to vault myself higher with ease, grabbing onto the handholds I found and leaping above them. I stood at the top for a second or two, trying to regain control of the irrational terror that had seized me. I wasn't hurt. I couldn't be hurt. Everything was alright. I found myself laughing with relief, and quickly got myself under control.

Jacob and Leah had moved into the trees, out of the rain. I walked towards them, feeling somewhat normal now, and wanting to get out of the wet. If I had been human, I would have been very cold. As it was, I simply felt uncomfortable. My clothes stuck to my skin, and I crossed my arms, acutely aware that I didn't wear a bra underneath my pajamas. No doubt Jacob had seen worse, what with everyone in the pack sharing their thoughts. It still didn't change the fact that _I_ felt embarrassed.

"Can I have my clothes now?" I asked, the sound of the water dripping off my pajamas lost in the torrents of raindrops falling out on the road.

Leah held out the clothes to me, and though they were wet, they weren't as drenched as the ones I was wearing.

"Thanks," I said, recognizing my favorite pair of jeans. As I took them, I noticed the package in Leah's hand.

"That isn't mine," I said, confused.

"Your sister told me to give you this one," Leah answered, shrugging, and held it out to me. I took it.

There was a note on the front of the black plastic wrap. _To Samantha- You deserve a sympathetic man in your life. Besides, you never wanted Edward. Love, Brianne._

I tore the plastic off and unfolded the shirt. "Oh, my God. You have got to be kidding me."

I was holding a bubblegum pink shirt in my hands. On the front, it said "BFFL". On the back, in bold block lettering surrounded by hearts, it said JASPER CULLEN. Underneath the name was a small saying in flowery script. "The only man who really knows how you feel."

How could Brianne think I would like this? Dear God, it said Jasper Cullen with _hearts_. I could have handled anything but hearts. I hadn't liked hearts since I passed love notes in second grade and got caught by the teacher. Talk about mortifying. As bad as that had been, it was nothing like this T-shirt. "I am not going to be caught dead in this thing."

Leah's eyebrow moved upwards as she smirked. "Hate to break it to you, but you are rather dead. Pretty much a walking corpse."

"I am not wearing this. I don't care," I said stubbornly.

"Does it really matter?" Jacob asked. "Your sister gave it to you, and no one but us is going to see you in it. And frankly, you can stay in your stained, wet pajamas for all I care."

I looked down at the state of my current clothes, and then at the shirt in my hands. "Okay, okay, you're right. I'll wear it." I twirled my finger in a circle. "Would you mind?"

Jacob turned around, but Leah just snorted. "Get used to it. You think that privacy is something you can demand?"

"You think that she's going to run?" Jacob asked derisively. "Leah- will you just turn around already."

Leah bristled, but she obeyed, and I dressed as quickly as I could without ripping anything. The pink looked awful against my pale skin. "Bleh," I remarked quietly, not sure if I should be amused or irritated. Then I announced, "I'm done."

They both turned to face me again, and Leah laughed when she saw me. "No wonder you've got something against pink. Didn't someone tell you that pink and red don't go well together?"

"Red?" I asked. Leah simply tapped at the corner of her eye in response. "Oh. I forgot. I haven't seen my eyes yet. I know they used to be blue."

"Not anymore. You look hideous."

I opened my mouth to say something, only to come up blank. To her, I probably did look hideous, despite the unnatural vampire beauty. When you knew what it stood for, what a monster it hid, it was probably not as appealing. "No comment."

"Ready?" Jacob asked. Leah nodded, as I held up the wadded pajamas I no longer needed.

"What should I do with these?"

"Hold onto them for now. We'll get rid of them when we stop for the night," Jacob answered, and Leah grinned, making me both curious and nervous.

I held my hands out. "My wallet?" Leah handed it to me, and I put it into my pocket.

"Let's go," Leah said, and reached for the tie on her sarong as she ran forward. Jacob ran into the forest, too, keeping some distance between himself and Leah. I waited until I could hear their heartbeats slow for that of a larger creature, and the sound of paws against the ground. Then we were flying through the forest.

The storm had cleared up north. The night sky could be seen through breaks in the clouds, with stars brighter than anything I had ever seen before. It was breathtakingly beautiful. I loved it all; I was enjoying our travels, at least, until I saw what was ahead of us.

The ground dropped away into another river. On the other side, far enough that my previously human eyes would have only seen a blurry mass, was a green island. Or at least, it looked like an island. It could have connected with land further up, where I couldn't see.

I stopped walking, figuring we must be stopping here for the night. My thoughts were incorrect. As I was about to sit down, Jacob nudged me forward with his all-too-big snout. The prospect of his teeth being that close to my skin was not a thought I appreciated, however much my mind knew he wasn't going to hurt me.

"We can't be crossing that tonight. It'll be freezing," I told him. Jacob whuffled, and I realized he was laughing at me. "So the cold doesn't bother me. Sue me. Getting wet does. I just got into dry clothes, and I don't have body heat to help dry them off."

He nudged me again. I firmly planted my feet. "Why?" I demanded. "Why not just go across the land? You can scratch something out on the ground, can't you? Or change?"

Jacob rolled his eyes, and looked to the ground for a moment. Then his massive paw moved, scratching out the basic shape of Washington, and then Alaska. There was a square separating the two.

"Oh," I said, suddenly realizing what it was. "That's Canada, isn't it?" Jacob merely stared at me. Leah growled, stalking forward to the water impatiently.

Canada meant borders. Borders that were patrolled by humans. I couldn't cross them; the only way was swimming.

"I didn't know that you had to cross Canada to get to Alaska," I grumbled.

Jacob merely nudged me again, urging me forward. "Would you stop that?" I asked, exasperated. "I can walk, you know. Besides, I smell like you guys too much already. Forgive me if I want to keep my current clothes in a somewhat livable state."

He grumbled, a sound that was not quite a growl, but still managed to sound impatient. "Fine, I'm going," I told him, and ran forward and dove into the icy water. It was cold, but it was a familiar kind of cold. My body temperature was not so different. I broke the surface and began treading water.

"Well?" I asked the wolves, their figures black against the night sky. "What are you waiting for? Afraid of a little cold?"

I could hear Leah growling from here, and they both leapt into the water. "Race you!" I said, diving under the surface and propelling myself forward. It was harder to move with the pajamas still wadded up in one hand, but I had an advantage, and not just because I had a head start. I grinned. I didn't have to dogpaddle.

Had I been human, swimming this distance would have been far too much for me, taking an inordinate amount of time until I finally gave up and let the current take me. In my newer state, however, swimming was quite enjoyable. I could sense the fish in the water, in the currents that pulsed and eddied against my skin.

It was only a matter of time before I reached the other side, pulling myself up on the shore, closely followed by Jacob and Leah.

"I won," I murmured. Leah snorted, and I could imagine her telling me that this wasn't a game. Jacob shook himself off, spraying me with water, before walking forward, looking very pleased with himself. I could have been wrong, though; I was not adept at reading body language of werewolves.

"I'm still wet," I called after them, easily catching up. Leah abruptly sat down and stared at me as Jacob walked past her, into the trees. "Are we stopping here?" I asked.

"Yes," Jacob answered, coming back out of the darkness. "Leah is taking first watch."

He opened a sealed plastic bag and pulled out a lighter. "Let's get warm," he said, and set down to the task of making a fire.

"You carry a lighter?"

He nodded. "In a waterproof bag. How else do you suppose we destroy the bloodsuckers after we tear them apart? We don't breathe fire."

"I guess not." I watched him. "Am I?" I stopped, unsure if I should continue, but then I started again. "Am I one of those bloodsuckers to you?" I said, after a moment. It was easy to forget Leah was there, as she sat silently in her werewolf form.

Jacob flicked the lighter and set the sticks burning. "I don't know," he said softly. "I don't think I'll be able to make that decision unless I have to."

"If you have to kill me," I said softly, considering. "It would be easier, if you hadn't made your decision? If you hadn't made me… human, in your mind?"

He didn't look up. "Yes," he said softly, pausing in his movements for a second.

I nodded. "Sounds fair."

Jacob nodded and went back to work. The fire blazed a few feet into the air within moments. The warmth felt amazing. I moved closer to the fire, and felt my clothes beginning to dry with the prickling heat, enjoying the feel of it against my skin.

"Goodnight," Jacob said, and curled up across from me, near Leah. Within a few moments, he was asleep. She watched me, the reflection of flames dancing in her eyes.

My pajamas were quickly drying- I threw them onto the fire. The sparks flew up in a crackling frenzy. Leah still watched me, and I turned my gaze away, embarrassed.

The fire began to die as the night faded away.

* * *

Please review for your teaser!

Final thing! Evanescence songs, people! Which song belongs to which character? Jacob, Leah and Samantha all have one- and they are all from the three released albums by Evanescence, so not any of their singles or hard to find songs. Guesses will be accepted until the next update!You may get a cameo if you guess correctly!


	11. Chapter Ten: Smiles

Disclaimer: I own Samantha, and Brianne, and any other OCs. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

AN Here is the result of the contest you've all been waiting for.

Songs (Links will be on my profile)

Jacob: My Immortal/Taking Over Me

Leah: Sweet Sacrifice

Samantha: All That I'm Living For

People who guessed correctly: Congratulations- you won a cameo!

BabelFish42

Iris Messenger

pacevamp77

nia-ox

Blood on a Rose

Livia F., while she did not guess the correct song, is on this list because she wrote several paragraphs as to why she chose the songs she did, and I couldn't find fault with them.

If I missed anyone who knows they guessed right, please tell me, and I want the following from you as well.

1. Item of clothing (preferably Twilight related) that you want to show off.

2. Name you want to go by (it doesn't have to be your real name, but I am not having cameos with a number in their name. Sorry.).

3. Something that you would say to a fellow Twilighter you met for the first time, or something you say a lot, or something you would like to say. I may not use the last one, but it would be fun to see it, wouldn't it?

* * *

Chapter 10

Samantha

By the time the fire died, Jacob woke up to take the second watch. He gathered more sticks to put on the fire, bringing it back to life again, as Leah laid her head on her paws to sleep. It was slightly reminiscent of the times my parents had taken Brianne and I camping when we were little. Jacob sat down by the fire, the golden flames casting glowing flickers of light across his skin.

"Why take watches?" I asked Jacob quietly. Leah sighed, and I turned my eyes to her form for a moment before I was satisfied that she was asleep.

"Tell me," Jacob said, his eyes appraising me. "If a human walked by, would you wake us up before or after you tore after them?"

There was a pause, a hideous silence in which we both knew what the other was thinking. I didn't answer, but I also knew I didn't need to. Jacob had not meant for me to answer a question to which we both knew the answer.

I slammed my fist against the ground, making a deep print of my hand, shadowy black from the firelight.

"I hate this," I hissed vehemently. "I hate that I can't trust myself to do what I want to do. I hate that I'm a burden, that I'm too powerful to control. You- you might have felt like a monster, when you first found out what you were. You never had this though; you never had to worry about killing someone, because you protect people." I took a deep breath and continued in a quieter tone of voice. "I'm envious." I took another breath, and it caught in my throat, sounding dangerously like a sob.

"I hate that I can't be the protector instead." I said softly as I hugged my knees and leaned my forehead against them, shielding my eyes from Jacob's view; more out of habit than necessity. I felt like crying, but I didn't want to appear weak in front of Jacob. Even if I couldn't shed tears anymore, I would not break down unless it was in private.

"It's strange, to think that this bothers me as much as it bothers you," Jacob murmured. "Harder, somehow…" I didn't know exactly what he meant by this.

He made a sudden dismissive movement, blowing out a quick breath as he did so. I looked up and saw him standing now, one hand against his hip, the other cradling his forehead.

"I wish I could hate you," he said, staring into the darkness.

"What?" I hadn't expected to hear him say that.

"Hatred makes things so much simpler. If I hate all vampires, because all vampires are evil, then I must be good for killing them, right? The lines are easily drawn, and you don't have to worry about making faulty decisions because you made a mistake, or you see something differently from someone else. Things just are the way they are. They don't change, and you don't have to stretch to meet them."

He turned back to me. "But you defy everything I have ever tried to make myself believe about vampires. That you're incapable of love or sacrifice, that you only masquerade as human to get your next meal… Not you! You are more human than many of the humans I have known. That does something very dangerous to me; you see, now I have hope." His tone didn't seem to match his words; he spoke almost viciously, the words coming out in a bitter, dangerous flood that almost stung as it moved through the air.

"Hope in what?" I asked.

He sighed, and the anger was gone again, as soon as it had come. "Hope that despite what my instincts are telling me, I am doing the right thing."

"Why is that dangerous?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"It changes everything. The world I knew is not the way I knew it before." He smiled, merely a slight twitching of muscles. He used to smile a lot; I could see laugh lines, thin creases on his face that weren't quite wrinkles. He must have been one of those kids that everyone loved because he was always so _happy_, flashing smiles and laughing all the time. The kind of person you can't help but be happy around because they were. Now that was just a reflex reaction, something he did with no meaning to it other than habit. There was no joy there. What had happened to the sunshine?

"Oh."

The fire crackled, and Leah let out a sigh. I glanced at her sleeping form and changed the subject. "If you sleep in wolf form, can everyone else see your dreams?"

Jacob smiled again, surprised by the question. "Sometimes. You know how when you sleep, you can't multitask? No doing the dishes or carrying on a sensible conversation?" I nodded. "Your brain closes off to the rest of the world. Sleep is the same way. We can't read each other's dreams. Occasionally, we can hear bits and pieces of a strong dream. Usually those are nightmares, though."

"Kind of sad," I commented. "Don't you ever want to know what someone else dreams?"

Jacob's face abruptly lost the smile. "No."

I shut my mouth. I'd done it again. Then again, that might not be such a bad thing. Jacob didn't want to like me. Maybe the times I said something that bothered him were helpful in letting him keep his distance.

The rest of the night, I remained silent. I watched Leah sleep, wondering what she was dreaming, and feeling a slight stirring of jealousy in the pit of my stomach that I quickly shoved away. It wasn't her fault that she could dream. I couldn't even leave the torture of my own mind.

What was so important about dreams that he didn't want to know? The question plagued me. What had happened in his past? How did he become Alpha? What had happened to Bella? What had happened to Jacob? The thoughts swirled around in my head in a never ceasing flurry, like snowflakes in a storm.

Eventually I closed my eyes, and willed myself to sleep. This worked a little. I could rest; my brain could eventually slow its progress even if I could never fully lose consciousness. The thoughts dulled, faded away. I suppose it was much like meditation, except that I was hyperaware of my surroundings. Even without my sight, I could tell a lot about the world around me.

The wildlife gave us a wide berth, sensing the danger I represented, but I could still hear them, the scratching of a mammal scrabbling for purchase on a tree trunk, the low hoot of an owl, and the piercing cry of a bat.

I sensed the coming of day rather than saw it. The air became warmer, and the night time sounds faded away into birdsong, even before the sunlight had reached the horizon.

Leah stirred, stretching out, and Jacob stood up. Without a word, we began traveling again.

Jacob's silence bothered me. It was as though the tenuous bonds we'd created, the civil conversations we had worked for, no longer existed. He remained in human form, running alongside Leah and me, but he apparently felt no inclination to speak, or even acknowledge me.

It was only after the sun had risen fully that I understood why this frustrated me. I wanted to be human, to keep as much of my humanity as possible. While the wolves treated me as an equal, this was possible. The basic human interactions I craved were still there; I wanted to be recognized and to share thoughts and ideas with others. Right now, those others were a wolf in wolf form, and a man who wouldn't even look at me.

"We stop here," Jacob said.

I glanced at him. "Why?"

"Well, because I am going into the nearest town and buying some food for Leah and me."

"Oh." I had forgotten food; in the absence of hunger, food was irrelevant.

"It should be over there." He pointed to the northeast.

"You've been this way before?"

Jacob looked at me. "Once. A long time ago."

"Oh," I repeated, wishing that I was more eloquent.

Jacob turned to go. "Wait," I said, and fished my wallet out of my pocket. "There are a couple certificates for food places they might have here, and then the Starbucks card, which has thirty dollars on it. It's not registered and you don't _have_ to get coffee. And I have a couple twenties in there you can use."

Jacob made no motion to take my wallet from me. "Why?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I can't use the food stuff anyway. And what use do I have for the cash? You need it more."

"It's American."

"They'll still take the Starbucks card, even if it is in a foreign currency. Get some sandwiches or something."

Jacob took it, staring at me with his head tilted slightly to one side, scrutinizing me. Then he turned, and walked into the forest, leaving Leah and me behind.

"Well, Leah," I said. "Care to give me some company?"

She grumbled, but she got up. I turned my eyes away as she shifted and dressed.

"Happy?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. It didn't bother me anymore, the way she spoke. She had every right to be angry at me. I was an unwelcome interruption to her life.

"You'll need to be in this form to eat anyway. I wasn't asking anything major from you," I said, shrugging.

"Maybe so," she answered, "but that doesn't mean I have to be like this just because you asked."

I almost smiled. Leah didn't want to be ordered around by her mortal enemy. Perfectly understandable. "No, it doesn't. Thank you. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, actually. I dreamed that I was back at home in my own bed." Again, her words were heavily layered with sarcasm.

I smiled. "You volunteered to be here. It's your fault you didn't sleep great."

"I know," she grumbled, turning away from me.

"Why?" I asked her. ""What drove you to leave them and come here with me?"

Leah paused, her annoyance melting into consideration. "I didn't want to be one of a group; I wanted to be alone. It's hard to tell, after spending so long with everyone communicating by mind, which thoughts are yours and which ones aren't. I needed some time away from that."

I could tell that she was being truthful- the look of surprise on her face suggested that she hadn't intended on telling me so much.

"So why do you want to stay in wolf form, then? You're still connected to everyone else."

"Do you know what day it is today?" she asked. I shook my head. "It's the first of August."

Understanding hit me. "Breaking Dawn?"

"It comes out tonight. We do read them, you know. There's information in them regarding vampires that our own legends couldn't give us. We have inside information, now. Of course, it isn't as easy for some as it is for others to hear it. The closer we were to Bella, the more we have to read about how she saw us. I almost wish that she had never written them. Some things should remain private."

Now was the time to ask. "I want to know something. What happened to Bella?"

Leah looked at me sharply. "What does it matter to you?"

I turned away from her piercing gaze. "I keep saying things, things that I don't realize are hurtful until afterwards. I want to know. Blame my curiosity if you want."

Leah stared at me for a moment. "It isn't my place to tell you."

"I know. But no one else will."

"You still want to hear it."

"Yes."

Leah's eyes narrowed as she considered this. "What if I don't want to tell you?"

"Your choice," I answered. "You can keep me from walking blindly into the wrong situations and causing more pain than I need to be, or you can tell me."

Leah deliberated, sliding her jaw from one side to the other, as though she were preparing to bite someone. It looked distinctly frightening, and I fought the urge to back away. One second, two seconds…

Leah looked up at me, her decision made. "She left; and when she did it broke his heart. Anything else you want to know?" Leah's voice was curt and sharp.

I wasn't expecting the sudden rush of anger and hostility from her, and I backed away, checking to make sure that she still had control.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I don't want this any more than you do."

She sniffed. "I'm under control. Do you really think I haven't improved over eight years?"

"I didn't see you eight years ago," I answered. "All I know is from the one time I read those books, and what I've seen of you in the past…" I counted. "32 hours or so."

"Oh." She didn't apologize, but I didn't expect her to. She reminded me of a royalty, not because she was proud, but because she carried herself with dignity. Royalty did not need to send out apologies.

"Hungry?" I asked, leading the conversation into safer waters.

She raised her eyebrow. "What do you think?" Her stomach growled, right on cue.

I grinned. "I would guess that you are hungry, and I think your stomach agrees with me."

"Our metabolism is faster- one of the reasons we're always so warm. I am very hungry, for the record," Leah answered.

"Oh. I thought that the guys just ate a lot, and that's why they mentioned it in the books."

She shook her head. "No. We really get that hungry. How about you? Are you thirsty?"

I thought about it. The back of my throat was dry, but not as bad as it could be.

"A little."

"Will you need-"

"No," I answered, cutting her off before she could finish the dreaded sentence. I suddenly felt embarrassed. I didn't want to go hunting wild animals in front of Leah or Jacob. Nothing would hit home closer than that- if I could hide it, pretend it didn't exist, then I could be human. That is the one thing I would lose if they saw me. I couldn't deny that to myself any longer.

"Fine, then. If you aren't going to be nice, I'm not talking with you. I don't know why you even asked."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just don't like the silence. I'm used to Brianne prattling in my ear."

Leah crossed her arms, looking away from me. I could no longer see her face, to gauge her expression.

"You want to know something funny?" I asked her. "I never wanted to come to Forks in the first place. I came because my sister wanted to, and my parents were going to fix my car if I did. Now I'm sucked into the whole Twilight mania thing, and my car is destroyed. Not to mention the whole 'I want to murder and drain people' problem."

"You think that being a monster is hard?" Leah laughed. "You have no idea." She looked at me, her dark eyes piercing. "Just wait. It breaks you, tears away the only things you care about. You haven't had the time to learn that yet. Just wait. You have a long time to learn."

I didn't try to make conversation after that. I had the irking feeling that Leah was right.

* * *

Please review.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Attack

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Jacob, or Leah, although I do own Samantha and Brianne...

AN: If you have not read BD- stop reading here. I am serious. This is a bit of a cliffy ending, and so you won't be able to stop for the spoilers. I am so sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Thanks to amgglekim for the beta! You are very lucky to get this chapter today, btw. Tuesdays are the days I go to hell and back. In other words, I am sneaking this in during my class, because it is the only time I have.

This chapter was in the works for a long time- it was my intent never to be later than a week and a half, and in particular with how this chapter ends, the next chapter will be up in that frame of time, beta or no beta, because I cannot leave you here.

Last thing. Poll up on my profile: go show it some love.

* * *

Jacob was coming; I could hear the steady snapping of twigs in a familiar pattern. After walking so long in the woods, I had memorized the different steps. Leah had a more gentle step, testing everything before putting her weight down, and letting her hips carry her forward, a more feminine walk. Jacob was far more sure of himself, and it was his heavy steps I could hear now. It was at that moment that I smelled it.

I had thought that werewolves and humans were the worst scents; werewolves because of the way they put me on edge, humans because of how they changed me into a bloodthirsty monster. The dryness in my throat flared into a scorching heat with the memory. I ignored it.

I had been wrong about these scents being the worst, however. Fast food was definitely the worst. The smell of grease and fire and a number of unpleasant others mixed in, not to mention the strength of the stuff. It was absolutely appalling.

"What on earth did you get?" I asked as Jacob came into view.

He held up a bag for my inspection. "Burger King."

I shuddered and wrinkled my nose. "It smells worse than you do… and a heck of a lot stronger."

"Your coupon," Jacob said, shrugging. "Besides, I doubt human food of any kind is going to smell appetizing."

"And that's why we're going to be eating it, and not you," Leah replied.

Jacob handed her the bag, and she pulled out some French fries, munching on them with a pleased look on her face. Eww.

"But why fast food? I gave you enough money to get something that wasn't dripping with calories." Literally dripping, I added mentally as I stared at the french fries.

"Because it smells," Jacob said. "You expect me to carry back human scents with me without anything to cover it up? I'm not exactly keen on you following my trail back there, or of having you attack me." His voice was gruff. I sensed that more questions would just make him irritable; but I couldn't hold back my curiosity.

"Oh," I said. "But then…"

Leah sighed noisily. "Do you have to ask questions while we eat?" she asked, unwrapping a burger and taking a large bite.

I took the hint and shut up. It wasn't important anyway; I just wanted to know if he wanted to annoy me, as well. Instead I sat and watched as they scarfed down the food. I couldn't hold back my look of disgust. How had I ever eaten that? How had I ever _enjoyed_ eating that? And furthermore, with their heightened sense, how could _they_ like it?

Jacob and Leah finished within minutes, for which I was grateful. The scent was not as strong, then, with only the garbage left.

"Shall we go?" I asked.

The two wolves looked at each other and nodded. Jacob gathered the trash and lit it on fire. It blazed high and bright for a few seconds before dwindling away to ash.

"Let's go," Jacob said, and then we all got up.

We walked for a long time before I started feeling uneasy. Something was wrong. I could sense it in the silence as the three of us walked, but I couldn't quite tell what it was. And then I began to notice the little things, the way Jacob's eyes constantly flickered around, and Leah's quick snapping motions at the slightest sound.

"What is it?" I asked. Was there something they weren't telling me?

Jacob shrugged.

"Is everything alright? What's wrong?"

"Breaking Dawn," Leah answered simply. "It's got everyone on edge, even us. The fans are ready to explode with excitement, and the rest of us feel like there's a storm coming. Can you feel it?" Her eyes were fever bright, and her limbs trembled slightly.

Us. Was she referring to the pack? She must be; if she was asking me about it a second later. I felt a twinge of envy. Was it wrong of me to want to be included? From what I could gather, vampires were solitary; wanting to belong was a human trait. Maybe that desire made me lucky.

I closed my eyes for a moment. There was a tension in the air that hadn't been there before. I opened my eyes again as I answered. "Yes. But I can't be sure that I'm not just picking up on what the two of you are feeling. You're making me nervous."

"It doesn't matter," Jacob said tersely. "We need to get as far as we can before midnight. Then we stop for the night."

Midnight. That was when the book came out. I wondered if the werewolves had copies on hold at the local bookstore. It would be a long trip to the closest one.

Jacob started walking faster; Leah matching his pace. I lagged behind a little, not enough to slow them down, but enough to give myself some space. I felt I should give them room, just in case. Their actions worried me. All the while, uneasy feelings and incoherent thoughts haunted me, until we finally stopped for the night.

* * *

Leah took first watch that night. Both she and Jacob had decided to remain in contact with the rest of the pack, ready to glean any new information from the books that the others had discovered.

Briefly, I wondered about Brianne. Would she be in the lines, waiting desperately for Breaking Dawn? Would she have suddenly lost her taste in Twilight because of me? As much as that idea would have sounded appealing a week ago, it wasn't so pleasant anymore.

I took my wallet out and rifled through the pictures. The picture on the top was of me. Normally, I would have flipped past it. I didn't need to stare at my own photograph. This time was different, though. I could take the image in my mind, and change the features. If my left ear moved up a little, if my nose smoothed to the exact center… Smooth the skin over, make it glistening pale. All these little changes; not necessarily making me beautiful, but making me perfect, symmetrical. Making me a vampire.

With my vision, even in the dim light, I could see the moon and starlight catching on my skin, the shimmer too soft for a human to be able to see. I looked fragile, and nothing could be further from the truth.

I forced myself to look back at the face in the photo. There was one last change to make myself see. I took my eyes, the pale, innocent blue, and drenched them in red.

The effect was terrifying. It was me, but it was so alien that it wasn't. It was inhuman, beautiful and drawing me in. There were too many contradictions; wisdom and youth, innocence and seduction. I shoved the picture away. I didn't want to face it. The next picture was another of me, my senior photo. I tossed that one away, throwing it onto the ground. The other I would keep, to remind myself of who I was once.

The next picture showed my whole family. My little brother was pouting in one corner of the frame, upset that we were taking yet another family photo. Somehow, I thought he would be the least affected by my disappearance. I was not around for most of his remembered life, being in high school and then college. Most likely, I would just turn into a fuzzy memory of a person who said hello and goodbye every morning at breakfast.

My sister was grinning, happy in the way she always seemed to be. Would she change? Would she lose that? I knew someday, she would grow up and realize that not everything is Lisa Frank and Twilight. How fast would she grow up now?

Then there were my parents. I could see where I had gotten my features from, features that were most likely too different to proclaim me their daughter anymore. They were smiling, my dad slyly holding my mom's hand at an angle the camera barely captured.

I wondered how they were going to take my loss. I'd been told that there was nothing as terrible as losing a child. I couldn't even imagine. If there was a way I could let them know… I had to always remember, this separation, their ignorance of my wellbeing, was for _their_ safety.

I put the rest of the photos away. Maybe another time I would need reminders, but not now. There was a limit to the amount of pain I could put myself through.

Leah nudged Jacob awake, and they switched places. More silence, more waiting. I combed through my hair with my fingers, and Jacob sneezed.

"Sorry," I said, and brought my hands back down to my side. The rest of the night, I watched as the stars crossed the sky in a lazy trail.

Soon, dawn was coming. I was jerked from my reverie by the sound of a low growl. Jacob was awake, his body rigid as he let out a low threatening rumble. His hackles rose, lips pulled back in a hideous snarl, and in the blue tinted half light he looked very dangerous. I backed away slowly, but he wasn't looking at me. He calmed down again, and I relaxed.

The sun rose a little higher, bringing in the light. Dawn. We would be leaving soon. I brushed my hands off on my jeans when Jacob suddenly got to his feet, growling even harder. This time, he was staring at me. I slowly stood up, not wanting to make any sudden movements.

Suddenly, Jacob charged at me, teeth bared. I leapt out of the way.

Jacob was attacking. He was attacking me without being provoked. I didn't want to hurt him, but if he was doing this, I might not have a choice. I crouched, ready to spring.

He whirled around, charging at me again. I sidestepped him easily, and instead of snapping at me as he passed, he barreled forward. He wasn't trying to hurt me, I realized. He was doing something that I couldn't understand. Why was he attacking me if he didn't intend on killing me?

My thoughts distracted me. Jacob came at me again, and I didn't have enough time to prepare. He rammed into me, knocking me to the ground beneath him. His teeth raked across my arm as I raised it to protect myself. I screamed. It hurt like the fire of the change, and I screamed, an animal, feral sound that didn't belong to me.

Jacob ran past me, leaving me on the ground, no longer intent on attacking me. He hadn't bit down, but I could feel the deep grooves he had carved into my skin.

Jacob ripped at a tree, knocking it down and tearing off branches and bark, stripping it of anything. I jumped up, into the treetops. It was not much of a refuge, but it gave me the time I needed to look at my arm. Already the gashes were closing, minute trickles of blood left trapped on my arm. I licked them away, like a cat, helping the skin to heal over.

I looked back down to the ground. Leah had awoken now, and she was battling with Jacob, flashes of white teeth and snapping jaws, hideous thunder like snarls echoing through the woods as they met each other bite for bite, claw for claw. It was very hard to see who was winning. Maybe no one was.

And then suddenly, it stopped. Leah and Jacob fell silent, no longer fighting, just staring at each other, not moving except for the heavy breathing. Jacob whined softly, and Leah responded the same way. Then she moved forward, touching her nose to his, before walking away. Jacob, not moving among the destroyed remains of the tree, watched after her for a moment, before throwing his head back in a loud, haunting howl, causing chills to run down my spine.

I stayed rooted to my hiding place, still uncertain if it was safe to leave. I always knew, on some intellectual level, that werewolves were dangerous. There was never a moment before this one that I had gotten the chance to see how true that really was. I would never underestimate them again.


	13. Chapter Twelve: Breaking Dawn

Disclaimer: I own the OCs, and that's about it. The rest belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

AN I know how much you all hate hearing the same scene from someone else's POV, but how else do you suppose you're going to find out what was going on with Jacob?

Secondly, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about this lovely story that has drastically influenced my writing of Jacob... And I think I can finally let you see it now without giving it away. So, go to my favorites, and read The Letters, by Tuz Farkinca. It's a lovely, painfulfully twisted oneshot.

* * *

Chapter 12

Leah

Breaking Dawn, Breaking Dawn… That was all I could think about. Sure, most of our valuable information came from those books, and they seemed pretty accurate factually, but the damage they did to the pack… After the last one, most of us had trouble phasing, facing each other, because it brought up so many things we fought to keep buried, things not one of us with our lives, our stories. When they had written about me and… Sam… I ran. I couldn't face him after that. I didn't get very far; I couldn't stop phasing enough to avoid them completely. The pack voices were always waiting for me. At the time, Emily had just gotten pregnant, and the two of them were so happy… And Sam had looked at me with pity.

I loathed pity. Anger I could manage. Vindictiveness and bitchiness were easy to understand, easier to deal with than sympathy or pity. I could handle my own pain until someone looked at me with big, sorry eyes and apologized. Because no matter how many apologies were made, nothing ever changed. No matter how sorry Sam was, Emily was always there. She would always be there. And the only difference was that everyone _felt sorry_ for me, and that wasn't enough. It wouldn't ever be enough.

I couldn't afford to think about Sam, not now, not like this. I was crazy enough already.

_You can say that again._

_Shut up, Jacob,_ I snarled, and snapped at the air as I passed him, so close he could feel the heat of my breath against his fur. I wanted to get that close, to warn him. Jacob backed off, but I could sense him, stewing, in the back of my mind. Of course he would be sulking now. I wasn't the only moody wolf around. We all had things on our minds.

Where was the rest of the pack? I listened closely. Nothing. They were in human form then. Sleeping, perhaps, preparing themselves for tonight. If this book followed the trend the others had set, it would be longer than Eclipse, which had still taken hours for everyone to get through, even splitting it up the way they did.

Was it worth it? All the fans going crazy… They were unpredictable now; it was harder to keep them safe when they were worked up into a frenzy. I never thought I would be glad for the idea of midnight release parties, but if it kept all the Twilighters in packs of their own, they would be safer.

Strange to think that the very people we were here to protect caused us the most threat in terms of secrecy. They knew our names, our appearance, everything. Keeping it a secret from them was practically impossible. The only thing we had on our side was that we were too good to be true. Jacob snorted, and I turned my head to look at him.

_Jacob?_

_Yes?_

_What happened in town?_

I really did want to know. He'd been quiet since we left, even for his normal "quiet". Jacob snorted again, dismissing me, but I could feel his hesitation. He was hiding something.

_I know something happened. You were more irritable than usual. Not that you're pleasant to be around anyway…_

_Why do you care?_

_Because it affects me. What happened?_

Jacob thought about this for a second, and then replayed the memory for me. There was a tiny bookstore in the town, advertising Breaking Dawn in the window. He had stopped to look, when two teenaged girls came by and stared at him. One had short dark hair, and the other had long, dirty blonde hair, but they could easily have been siblings despite the coloring.

"Doesn't he look?" asked the dark haired girl, breaking off her question with a giggle.

The other girl giggled back. "_Yes!_" she breathed, and giggled again. Jacob ignored them and went to the Burger King, which was small, even for the town, one register, three booths and a table. The girls followed him inside, staying by the door.

The cashier introduced himself, conversationally, probably because he wasn't wearing a name tag. It would have been pointless, anyway, when everyone already knew who he was. "Hi, I'm Devan. I don't think I've seen you here before."

"You haven't," Jacob had answered. "Just passing through."

"Oh. Where you from?"

"Washington." Jacob was trying to curb the questions with his quick answers, but either the cashier was stupid or he was too curious to care. Probably curious, judging from the fact that he was reading behind the counter.

One of the girls gasped. Of course they were listening in.

"Cool. What's your name again?"

"Jacob," he'd responded gruffly.

One of the girls gasped. "No…"

"It _is_!"

"It can't be!"

Their whispers were beginning to annoy him. Jacob ignored them, suddenly uncomfortable. "I'd like four cheeseburgers and two fries. Here's the coupon. Quickly, please, I'm in a hurry."

Devan rang him up. "12.97," he said, and Jacob handed him the twenty.

"You don't have any Canadian?" he asked.

"I will when you give me my change," Jacob said. He wasn't trying to be threatening, but Devan heard the dangerous tone in his voice and recognized it. He quickly backed off. "Sure. Here you go."

And Jacob was left alone at the register.

"Excuse me," said one of the girls, and she giggled again. Jacob turned. The sound grated against his ears, and he suppressed a shudder. She blushed, and Jacob dropped his gaze from her face.

"Would you mind signing our shirts?" the other one finished. Jacob blinked.

"You see," said the brunette, both of them peeling off their coats, "We're Team Jacob. So it would be really cool if you would sign…" Underneath they were wearing white T-shirts with his name on them.

"No," Jacob said firmly. "I am not signing some girls' T-shirts when I don't even know you. And I have no idea what you are talking about."

There were footsteps from behind the counter, and Jacob turned to see Devan coming with the food. "Here's your meal," he said. Jacob took it without a word, and walked out the door, leaving two very confused girls behind him…

_I'm not used to them liking me,_ Jacob concluded miserably. _There are those who do like me, but they are so outweighed by their friends, that it's practically a nonexistent group. __Not that it matters anyway. She got what she wanted, and I'm left here._

I felt a stab of pity for him, and shoved it away. There was no way I was going to let him see that vulnerability.

_No more, Jacob. No more thinking about her. This is a time when you can leave everything behind, if only for a little while, just until this all calms down._

Jacob sniffed. _You get first watch,_ he said, abruptly changing the subject. I knew what he was doing, but I played along.

_You just want to be the first one to hear,_ I accused.

Jacob shrugged mentally. _Does it really matter?_

_No,_ I admitted grudgingly.

_Good. _Jacob curled up, resting his head on his forepaws. _Watch her. She's been awfully quiet. I don't trust the sudden change._

_I think she's afraid of you,_ I answered, glancing at Samantha's still form as she flipped through her wallet, her red eyes narrowed. _She's curious, too. As long as you leave a mystery for her, she'll stick around just because she's intrigued._

Jacob considered this. _I think you're right. She's always asking questions. And now, I am going to sleep. _He purposely closed his eyes, shutting me out. I was used to being ignored, and Jacob still enjoyed sleep.

His breathing relaxed; he was finally asleep. There were only Samantha and I left awake, and we purposefully ignored each other.

Someone else shifted into wolf form; I could suddenly sense the connection.

_Leah?_ Seth. The one person in the pack that I loved without hating as well. His voice was fainter than Jacob's would have been, as if it took time for it to travel to me, but it was still strong.

_How are we going to do this?_ I asked. _Breaking Dawn, I mean._

_We have several copies on hold for midnight. Rachel and Kim are going to get two copies each, and then we're dividing it up and reading the sections all out of order, at the same time. It'll take less time that way. Then we'll get the whole story when we shift, and everything falls together. After all, it's not like we won't know what's going on in the story. You'll know everything by dawn._

_Thank you, Seth,_ I replied. _You're growing up too fast to be my baby brother anymore._

_I hope so, _Seth sniffed, offended. _I'm 21. Definitely too old for you to baby._

_And you will never understand how much I miss that,_ I answered.

_How are you all holding up?_

_The leech is still here. She's trying, very hard, to be human. You can see it in her mannerisms. She tries to flick her hair behind her ears, to swallow when she's nervous. I don't know whether to pity her for the attempt, or to be disgusted by how badly she fails._

Seth shrugged. _I think it's admirable. She hates the vamps as much as we do. It's like having someone on the inside._

_I never thought of it that way._

_That's why I'm your brother. I'm here to fix all your problems._

_Not all of them, _I said quietly.

Seth's tone lost its smile. _No, not all of them. But I wish I could._

I smiled, knowing he couldn't see it, but he could sense it. _I'll be fine. Thanks. Take care of yourself._

_I always do. _And then Seth shifted, and I was alone once more.

* * *

It was finally Jacob's turn to take his watch and for me to get some sleep. I got up and nudged him. _Wake up, Jacob. I'm not letting you sleep in. _

Jacob cracked open one eye before rolling to his feet. _I'm up, Leah. No need to patronize me. _

I snorted, and curled up as close to the fire as I could. It took a few minutes for me to relax; I didn't like sleeping as much anymore. I didn't like the nightmares. But then I felt the familiar falling sensation as sleep washed over me with the warmth. The world blinked out of my awareness.

I was in a corridor, walking down towards something I could not name. The place had been abandoned for a long time, but book jackets lined the walls and floor, turning everything black and red except for the pale hands, and the white patches in the tulip. Something was missing. One of the books was missing. And the further along I went, the more I felt a growing dread. Suddenly, before me, was a white queen, stretching from the floor to the ceiling far above my head. Breaking Dawn was here. I started running, and I could not decide whether I was running towards it or away. Maybe it didn't matter.

The dream shifted. I was in the kitchen with Sam, who was washing dishes as I cut up vegetables. A memory? _No. _I was watching myself from behind. Sam stopped, set everything down and dried his hands, and came up behind me to kiss my ear, one hand pulling away my long hair, the other resting on my stomach. The dream-Leah turned to kiss him back, and I saw. She- I- was pregnant.

I wanted to scream. The dream-Leah and the me-Leah were two very different people. I saw myself before Sam broke me, before I turned into a wolf, before my father died. I saw myself happy. This had been one of my favorite daydreams.

Dream-Leah turned her gaze so she was staring back at me. "I'm sorry," she whispered. I shuddered, hating the words. And then her face changed, thick, ropy scars crossing her cheek. It was Emily. It had been Emily all along. It always would be Emily.

I ran. Dream after dream haunted me, showing me the things I spent my days avoiding. Thoughts of Emily, thoughts of Sam. I was drowning, like I did every night, in the one place I could not run from, where my own mind haunted me.

Waking was a relief, as it often was. I was Leah, once again, hard, cold, prepared. I took a deep breath, waiting for my senses to realign with the real world.

My eyes snapped open, my senses screaming _Danger!_ And in the back of my mind, I heard the clamoring of the rest of the pack.

_Leah, Leah wake up! _

_Something's wrong._

_Jacob won't listen!_

_He won't hear us._

And then Seth's voice, normally calm and content, made its way to my mind. _Leah, I'm worried. Stop him. We can't lose him, not now. _

Jacob- I could hear him snarling, charging, snapping… For a moment I thought there was another leech in the camp, but then I heard his thoughts…

His mind was more frightening at that moment than mine had ever been. There were no words, only rage and anguish and despair… He wasn't Jacob anymore, just… He was an animal, a wounded animal attacking anything that moved, anything… Anything that looked like _her_.

_Bella! _his mind screamed, whether in response to my thoughts or his own, I could not tell. I wasn't sure he could even hear me, not like this. Her name was the only tangible word in his mind, his thoughts filled with his imagined pictures of her red-eyed vampire self.

I leapt to my feet. _Jacob!_ I shouted.

Jacob didn't even acknowledge his name as he spun to face Samantha. He readied himself to spring. He wasn't attacking her; he was challenging her. Did he want to die? Newborns had instincts, instincts to protect themselves at any cost. Whether or not she wanted to kill him, she could. Her red eyes glinted dangerously in the early light, but the look on her face was confused, terrified, anything but angry. I ran towards them.

As fast as I was, I was not fast enough. Jacob charged at her, and she wasn't able to leap out of the way. She tried; her feet left the ground, she was in midair when Jacob slammed into her, knocking her into the dead leaves and sticks, scattering dirt everywhere. She screamed, and I barreled forward, ready to save her. But Jacob didn't stop to finish her off. He ran on.

The other pack members were clamoring to know what was going on, to calm Jacob down, but he was beyond the ability to listen. _Leave us be,_ I commanded them.

They argued, so many voices telling me a resounding _NO_ that I couldn't distinguish which voice belonged to whom.

_If you want him back, you have to trust me,_ I said. _Leave us alone._

_Do what she says,_ Sam said. It was a direct command. The others obeyed instantly, shifting one by one, until only Sam was left. There was an uncomfortable silence as he waited for me to say something.

_Thank you_, I told him.

He shrugged. _I trust you, Leah. It's the least I could do. _He was wrong. It was the most he could do. Because he could never choose me. The most he could do was trust me. Then he was gone, and I could breathe again.

Jacob had moved on to destroying a tree, rending the branches and bark from the poor pine.

_Jacob, stop!_

He ignored me, as I had known he would. _Whatever she's done, it doesn't matter,_ I said, circling the tree. _You can't change it. It's past. Bella is gone._

As soon as he heard me utter her name, he turned and lunged at me. I snapped at him, catching his skin this time. The taste of blood filled my mouth. I could still hear his mind; he was beyond feeling the pain. Jacob swiped my side, and I moved away just in time to keep him from gutting me completely. Three scratches down my side. Like Emily's three scars.

I lost it. I lunged forward and bit down on the first thing my teeth could catch. It was Jacob's ear, caught in my teeth and shredding as he pulled away. Ears were tender, but they would heal. Already the scratches in my side were closing up. But even this pain did nothing to bring him back to me.

_I am Leah. That vampire is Samantha. Come back to us, Jacob… _

Jacob whirled forward, still feral, not comprehending. He caught my ear, and I jerked away, his teeth tearing completely through. I winced.

_Stop it, Jacob!_

He snarled, and I lunged at him, the two of us tumbling into a heap, each fighting to get on top of the other, teeth and claws gouging out holes in tender places, blood making us slick, making us slide off of each other easily. Too much blood. We were going to kill each other if I couldn't make him stop.

_Jacob, Bella wouldn't want this!_ I shouted, desperately trying something else. Jacob paused, her name the only word breaking through his raging mind. I got to my feet, and we faced each other, breathing heavily, recovering.

_Bella never would have wanted this,_ I repeated.

One second passed, then two. Jacob's eyes lost the crazed light they'd held moments before. _You don't know what she would want!_ he cried. And then, so softly I couldn't be sure I wasn't imagining it, he added, _I don't know, either. I never knew._

_What do you mean?_

Jacob opened his mind to me, and I heard everything. Bella having a baby, Jacob imprinting on it, the splitting of the packs, the Volturi, everything.

_Bella has a baby?_ I asked, shocked.

_I don't know! _he said, almost howling the words. _I don't know…_

I searched his head some more, getting more details, cringing when I came to the point where she'd written about my inability to have children, my genetic flaws. No one was supposed to know that about me. Hell, no one cared enough to know. So it was my secret, now out to be analyzed by millions of fans. The only person who could have known was… Damn him. I was going to shred the mind reader to pieces if I ever came across him.

_Why would she end it like that? Why would she lie? _Jacob asked me, a soft whine coming from his throat. _Why give me a happy ending when she didn't care enough to stay?_

I turned away from my own thoughts. Jacob's pleading tone sounded much like my own when I had asked Sam why he was trying to hurt me.

_Why did I have to love Sam to begin with?_ I responded. _No matter the reason, it still hurts. _I stepped forward and touched my nose to his. _Stop asking why, and you can start living with yourself._

Jacob resented my easy explanation, and snapped at me again. _At least I have friends instead of enemies, Leah. You think you're living? You're a shell._

_I'm alive, Jacob. And I don't answer to anyone. I deal with my pain my own way. You just need to deal, because I'm not doing it for you. _And then I walked away, leaving him staring behind me. I threw the words behind me. _And Jacob? Don't expect me to repeat any of this again. As far as I am concerned, this conversation never happened. I don't want any of them to know._

I shifted,not wanting to hear Jacob's reply. I wanted peace. I wanted to curse Bella in the safety of my own mind, without an audience. And I wanted to be able to pity Jacob without anyone else's knowledge. I didn't hate him anymore. I didn't know when this had happened, but it had. He was pack, family. My family.

Behind me, Jacob howled. The leaves and branches trembled, the notes shrill even to my human ears, as Jacob mourned his loss. Because as long as Bella had told the truth, he was as justified in hating her as he was in loving her. But now, now that she had created a fictitious happy ending, she'd even taken the power of anger from him.

Breaking Dawn was a lie, but the worst part of the lie was that parts of both Jacob and I that wished it were true. When you couldn't face the truth, and you wanted the lie so badly, what was there left for you to do?

* * *

I know, I know, I have yet to reply to many of your lovely reviews. I am very behind. I am trying to catch up, but I figured, what would you like more? A chapter, or a reply? I do appreciate them all, I just... am rather cramped for time.

So, please review! If nothing else, I will at least send you a teaser. I promise! (I am so bad, I apologize! I am trying to get better!)


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Denali

Disclaimer: I only own Samantha; the rest is under copywrite to Stephenie Meyer.

Some of you have been asking if **Samantha has a power.** In all honesty, I don't know how to answer this. In my mind, she does. I don't know if you could guess it. It's very subtle, like Siobahn's gift of "willing" outcomes into being. If you don't figure it out, I will let you know by the end of the tale. However, I would love to hear your guesses. The first chapter, not the prologue, might give you some clues if you look at area of her personality that might have grown stronger.

I apologize for the lateness. This is unbetaed, and I am tired. Please don't complain about me getting it out so late. I am pulling an allnighter tonight so that I could get this to you, and I really shouldn't, because I am also sick. Frankly, I am very, very tired, and I am starting to feel as if this story is a lost cause. Please tell me what you think, and honestly. The more I hear from you guys, the more excited I get about this fic, and therefore, the faster the chapters come.

* * *

13

The sun rose higher in the sky, and still I didn't move. It wasn't safe, not yet. Jacob was down there, on the ground. I could see him through the pine needles, pacing back and forth on four legs.

"Samantha, you can come down now." Leah's voice broke through the foliage, and I turned, trying to see where she was standing. She was right beneath me, hands on her hips. The sight startled me; I hadn't expected to see her so close. I climbed higher.

"It's safe, I promise."

I shook my head. I was not coming down until I was sure that Jacob wasn't going to attack me. And I wasn't going to be sure until he was in human form again, and I could read his face.

Below me, the branches whispered as they brushed together. Leah was beginning to climb up. I straightened and hissed, like a cat. Like a vampire. I snapped my mouth shut to hide the horrible inhuman sound. "Don't come up," I commanded, my teeth locked together.

Leah paused in her ascent. "You don't trust me?"

"No." And it was true; I didn't. They had scared me too badly.

"But I was the one to save your sorry butt." Leah sounded impatient, irritated. It could easily have been a trap, her fooling me into trusting her again.

"It doesn't matter. You're too dangerous." I peered through the branches to look at her face. She looked irritated.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

"We wait until he changes," I answered. "Then I will follow you to Denali, not so close as to be worried about my throat. And you will keep your distance. I am not coming close again."

"Fine," Leah sighed, frustrated. "So we wait."

"Yes."

Leah kicked the tree and swore. "Do you have any idea how long we're going to have to wait?"

"As long as it takes. It depends on him." My eyes flicked back to Jacob's restless form.

"Great… Just great." Leah sighed again, and turned around. "Jacob, we're wasting time. If we want to get anywhere today, you'll have to shift. And an apology might be appreciated."

Jacob continued pacing, and Leah walked up to him. "Jacob," she said. "It has been _days_ since I've had a shower. I am tired, I am cranky, and I am not going to wait around for you to stop sulking so that we can keep moving. Snap out of it. You can throw a fit later when no one else needs you to be functional, but don't expect the world to stop for you."

Jacob growled, and I shifted nervously. Why was Leah provoking him? But then her voice softened.

"It's easier to do other things, Jacob, to distract yourself. You'll only make yourself even more miserable like this. If we leave now, we can reach Denali tonight, so change and get dressed and _do_ something, for God's sake. "

And to my surprise, Jacob obeyed her. I glanced away, even though the branches provided a natural screen.

"So you want an apology?" Jacob's voice asked, his voice strained with repressed anger. I looked up again. He was dressed now, or at least as dressed as he ever was in his cut offs. "Fine. Leah, I'm sorry I tore your ear."

"That's not what I meant," Leah said flatly. "You treed your little friend like a hunted animal. You hurt her. And more importantly, you scared the hell out of her. She won't even let me come close. And you're being so selfish I bet you didn't even think twice about it. God, Jacob, can you get any more dense?"

Jacob looked up at me, and I moved to the other side of the tree, hiding from him. He let out a long breath before he spoke, the anger gone. "Oh, God," he whispered, and looked up at me. "Samantha?"

I didn't move, prepared to bolt if I needed to.

"I am so sorry. I didn't intend to hurt you. Are you alright?"

"Fine," I replied curtly, my muscles taut from preparing to leap to the next tree over.

"You sure? Your arm?"

"It healed," I answered shortly.

"Will you come down?"

Against my instincts, I turned my head to look back at him, around the tree trunk. "Is that the only reason you're apologizing? Because you want to manipulate me? Because Leah told you to?"

"No," Jacob answered, but he didn't offer any more information than that.

"What the hell happened? Why did you attack me?" I knew I was overreacting, but they really did manage to freak me out. It reminded me of the way I would have nightmares about spiders after finding one in my bedroom, or the way I jumped whenever someone touched me, sure it was another spider. I _knew_ that I was overreacting, but the knowledge never stopped me from freaking out. There was only so much I could take before shock and slow acceptance were overridden by panic. Yes, the Twilight books were real. And I suddenly found myself… not human. But then you take my only companions, the only people I had somewhat of a connection with, and turn them into snarling, toothy, clawed beasts intent on your destruction, and I couldn't take it anymore. There was a breaking point, and I'd reached it.

Jacob bit his lip, thinking. "I lost control," he answered finally.

"I thought losing control meant losing control of your form, not turning into some wild, crazy animal intent on destroying me," I snarled, turning around fully now, and I wasn't sure if I was preparing to spring at him or something else entirely. I was angry, and much less human, much more dangerous.

"Usually it does. I… It won't happen again. That's not me reassuring you, that's a fact."

I considered this, but then shook my head. "How do I know you're not lying?"

"You do know that we're going to reach Denali by dark."

"I know that's what you're telling me."

"And you know that the same way you know we're taking you to Denali; there is no other explanation. Why would we kill you now? There may be no reason to trust us, but there is a reason to follow us. What happened was my fault. I wasn't… prepared to hear some things, and I reacted badly."

"I'll say," I muttered.

"Are you alright?" he repeated.

"You tore my arm up. You tore each other up. And you're supposed to be like a family. That doesn't make sense; I can't predict how you're going to react to anything I say or do, or anything you say to each other. How can I trust that you won't hurt me again?"

"I thought you didn't want to live, that you didn't want to be responsible for another human's death. How do expect to do anything else unless you stick with us?"

Jacob raised his eyebrows, challenging me. I stared back at him until I finally turned away, unable to face him anymore. He was right. What did it matter if I could trust them or not, when they were my only chance at survival?

There was no other option. I lowered myself down one branch, and then another, cautiously, carefully. Jacob didn't move. Neither did Leah, standing some distance behind him.

"I still don't trust you," I said quietly. "But I'm only stuck with you for another few hours if we leave now. So let's go."

We moved onwards. I followed the two werewolves closely, but not close enough for them to surprise me. When Jacob turned his head suddenly, or Leah paused for the smallest moment, I flinched, jumped away. Once Jacob looked at me, and I shivered. His eyes were dark, and where I normally saw warmth, I saw my own fears reflected back at me.

There were no words, no explanations. I wasn't sure I would accept them anyway. There was too much I hadn't had time to come to terms with. I was still jumping at shadows.

"We have to be careful around here," Jacob said. "There are a lot of tourists in this area. Lots of wildlife photography, and photographers, for that matter." He didn't stop or look back toward me to speak.

"Then they won't be in the town; they'll live on the outskirts, like the others," I answered. "How do you propose to find them without leading me to the humans? The people," I corrected. It was hard enough to resist their scent when I viewed them as individuals, but to start believing them separate from me… That was dangerous, for them. It was much easier to justify.

"We circle around. We'll find their scent, most likely as close to the national park as possible. And we'll follow it from there. Stay close behind. Wandering off could prove dangerous for everyone else." This time, Jacob turned to me, his eyes challenging.

We stared at each other for a moment. "What's worth more?" he asked. "Your safety, or the life of a helpless human?"

I was still hesitant, but I nodded my head after a second. "Okay. I'll do it."

"Then come on," he said.

I stepped forward, once, twice, and then Jacob moved onward. Leah went on ahead. It was as if she wanted to pretend that neither Jacob nor I were there. And that was fine by me.

Darkness fell. I picked up the scent of old trails where humans had passed, too weak for me to lose control, but strong enough to make my throat turn to fire. Our circles became wider, as we avoided more and more of the trails. The burning accumulated, but I was still in control. Regardless of what happened tonight, I was going to have to hunt as soon as we found the Denali clan's home.

"Look," Leah said suddenly. "There's an old logging road that way. It doesn't look well used, but it might lead somewhere."

"Yeah, but where? Do you smell vampire?" Jacob asked.

Leah rolled her eyes. "Um, Jacob, I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of hard not to smell vamp at the moment…"

"I mean besides the obvious."

"No…" Leah said, "but if it were faint enough, I don't know that I could. Her scent covers it."

I jumped in. "It doesn't smell of humans… but it's not as grown over as it should be. They could have driven through here."

The two wolves looked at each other, and then back at me.

"Is everything alright, Samantha?" Leah asked suspiciously.

"I'm fine. Why do you keep asking?"

"Your eyes are getting darker. Not so bright," Leah answered.

"And you seem a little overexcited at the prospect of not smelling humans," Jacob added.

"You must be imagining my eyes," I told Leah, and turning to Jacob, I said, "And you are misreading me; I'm excited because when we get there, I get to _leave you behind_." And I suddenly realized that while a part of this was true, true enough that I could say it with confidence, there was still a part of me that felt sad, disappointed almost, to see them go.

I might have been imagining the embarrassed looks on their faces, but I wasn't imagining the way their shoulders crumpled. "Come on," I said. "Don't tell me you're not excited to leave me with some other vamps. I won't mess up your perfect little world of 'vampires are evil, werewolves are good' thinking, we won't have to smell each other anymore, and you can return to your normal lives without me."

"You broke her," Leah snapped at Jacob. "She was at least halfway human before. Now look what you did."

"He did nothing except what he was supposed to," I snapped back. "I've just learned that I can't trust you, that's all. That no matter what we pretend, we're still mortal enemies, and pretending anything else is useless."

"And what if we weren't pretending?" Leah asked.

I stared at her, meeting her dark eyes with pity. "Then you're lying to yourself."

She stared back at me. "You have been a newborn for less than a week, and you think you know more than us. You're a fool."

"Maybe," I allowed. "But I'm not the one turning my back on my job."

"Your job?" Leah challenged, her voice growing louder. "Job? Who are you to tell me that?" Her hands started to shake. "Vampires kill humans. But you are trying to avoid that. Don't tell me that I'm not really a wolf."

I backed away and smiled. "I was baiting you."

"Well you sure as hell did it," Leah snapped.

I shrugged. "I had to know you weren't lying to me. Now I know you were telling the truth. You don't want to kill me."

"I didn't… then," Leah muttered under her breath.

"Don't you want to know why I was baiting you?" I couldn't keep the smug grin off of my face. There was this feeling of superiority over Leah that I couldn't quite beat down. I'd been toying with her, gotten under her skin, without hardly trying.

"I already know," Leah answered. "If I lost my temper, then I am telling you the truth, and you can trust me. I'm not stupid, even when I get angry. We can't afford to lose ourselves like that. You've seen what happens."

The smugness disappeared. Leah was right when she had called me a fool. I didn't know anything more about this world than she had spent years learning. My little test was worthless.

"Samantha, Leah," Jacob called, jerking us from our conversation. "Aren't you ever coming?" He was already down as far along the trail as I could see, and he was walking back towards us. "No human scents so far."

"And vampire?" I asked, turning away from Leah's steady gaze.

"Not sure. There's vampire scents, some fresh, some not, further along. But I don't know if it's the vampires we're looking for."

"Great," Leah grumbled. "Something else we'll have to worry about." She jogged forward to meet up with Jacob, and I followed, the distance between us more out of my own embarrassment rather than fear.

If Leah knew what I had been trying to accomplish, was she still telling me the truth? Every nerve end in my body tingled. I couldn't tell if that meant yes, or no. Stupid instincts.

I was starting to get worried we would never find the place. We wandered on, the stars above moving slowly across the sky, marking the passing time. One hour, two… It must have been about midnight. The road seemed to go on endlessly.

And then the road opened up into a clearing, the trees fading away into an overgrown, circular drive. And at the other end of the clearing, where the drive ended, a mansion stood, almost carved into the mountainside.

"That has to be it," I murmured, and walked forward, past Leah, past Jacob, running towards the house.

When I reached the door, I realized that something was wrong. "The windows," I whispered, and reached out to brush my hand against them. Big boards covered the bay windows, hiding the glass from my view. Even the door had a two-by-four running diagonally across. No one had been here for a long time.

I grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open, snapping the lock and the board covering the door. If I hadn't been so worried, so scared that this was the right place, I would have been amused for using my strength for the first time.

The door creaked open. The hinges needed to be oiled, I thought. Foreboding began to coil in my stomach, making me something akin to nauseous. I was pretty sure vampires didn't throw up or gag unless they made themselves do it.

The floor creaked when I walked in, covered with the finest layer of dust that created footprints where I stepped. No one was here. No one had been here for years.

Please, no, please no, please no please no pleasenopleasenopleaseno… My mind chanted the words at me throwing them together faster and faster as I ran through the house.

Everything was as I would have expected of a vampire household. Everything except the kitchen was used. No one had touched the stovetop, the microwave, the refrigerator… No human food, no human scents remained behind, but here and there, I caught the trace of vampire. Here, one of them touched the wall out of habit, and the scent had soaked in after years of touching in the same place. Here, someone paced continually- the floor was slightly bowed under the prolonged strain.

Bedrooms, bathrooms, nondescript rooms empty of life, almost empty of scent… The furniture was covered in sheets, the curtains smelling slight of mildew from where they touched the glass, and everything else was gone. There was a shape here where a lamp sat, or here, where a vase was filled with flowers…

They were gone. The Denali coven had long since left, probably to protect themselves from the fans who might come looking for them, and there was no way of knowing where they had gone. No scents to follow. No hope that they would return.

I wandered back to the entrance. Jacob and Leah remained outside. "They're gone," I said quietly. "No one has been here for years. They were here, but they left."

I couldn't meet their eyes. Whether I trusted them or not, it didn't matter. They were going to kill me. What other options did they have now? Our one hope, my one hope, was gone, had disappeared with the vampires who hadn't even realized what they were taking. I took a deep breath to prepare myself, and closed my eyes.

"I'm ready."

* * *

Again, I am so sorry for the cliffhanger. I don't like leaving it like this at all. But unfortunately, this is the way it happens. Poor Samantha. Hounded at every turn. No pun intended.

Please, if you love me, or you love this fic, or you want me to survive the school battle long enough to continue writing this, **review.** Please.


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Options

Disclaimer: I only own Samantha, Brianne, any other random fangirls or vampires that I made up... The rest belongs completely to Stephenie Meyer.

Thank you everyone for the humongous amount of encouragement! I needed to hear that from all of you. The more encouragement/reviews I get, the more inspired I am. So really, thank you. This chapter would not be here if it weren't for you guys. I do want to let you know that **nothing will stop me from writing this fic,** except in the unlikely event that I get hit by a bus.

The next few chapters will take time. I am sorry to tell you this, but blame midterms. They are evil. That, or my procrastination skills. I'd prefer you to blame my teachers.

This chapter is unbetaed. Sorry, amgglekim! However, you can expect that my later ones will continue to be looked over.

* * *

Chapter 14

Samantha

How long did it take to kill a vampire? It was fast, I knew, but how fast? More specifically, how fast did it seem to the vampire? With my eyes closed, I was hyperaware of the sounds around me, Jacob's and Leah's heartbeats, the slight shift of their movements as they came closer… And further out, I could hear the bats in the woods, the chatter of raccoons, nocturnal creatures that only lived night by night, unaware that there was another day before them, unable to comprehend life in its entirety. What mattered was this moment, right now. I was fairly sure it would be my last.

Why didn't the wolves move any faster? I knew they were capable. I'd witnessed that only this morning. One second passed. Another. Neither wolf moved forward.

I opened my eyes.

"You're ready for what, Samantha?" Jacob asked. "For us to kill you? Nope. We aren't going to. Not unless we have to, and this does not look like an emergency situation."

The words made no sense to me. Why was I the only one who saw things the way they should be seeing them? There were few options left. "Why not?" I asked, not complaining, just in need of some answers. "They aren't here. There's no way to track them down, not now. There's no way to control me."

"Maybe, maybe not. They could easily have left something behind that will tell us where they went," Jacob said evenly.

"So we'll look for clues, like we're from some detective movie." My voice was sharper than I meant it to be. I didn't like this. I wasn't the one in control; I didn't have a handle on the situation.

Jacob yawned. "Nope. _You_ will look for clues. We still need sleep."

"We?" I asked, confused now. Weren't they still taking watches?

"There aren't any humans for miles. And you'll be inside with us. We can risk having a full night's sleep. Did you see any beds in there?"

"What?" The sudden change in subject confused me. A lot was confusing me right now.

Leah broke in. "It's late, we're tired, and there is definitely a chance of sleeping on a mattress rather than the ground. Humor us."

I thought back. "Yeah, there're mattresses. They're bare though, no sheets or anything. Just dust."

"We'll manage," Leah answered, and shouldered past me into the building, Jacob right behind her.

I heard her ask in the background, "Is it too much to hope for running water?"

Normal, human desires. Normal human dreams. To wish for shelter and peace and the luxuries of hot water and a warm meal after travelling for days… And I was still ready to move, to travel. I was ready for… something. The thought of staying and doing nothing bothered me. Maybe it was the fact that I felt like my death was looming overhead, or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't human, but the truth was, I wanted to go out there, on my own, and hunt where the other two couldn't see me.

But that was foolish, and I knew it. I wasn't going to go out on my own. I might not be able to trust werewolves, but I would choose them over my instincts. Because in the end, that's what it came down to. I couldn't trust myself. Maybe I never would.

I wandered back into the abandoned house. So what if we were trespassing? It wasn't like anyone was there anyway. Maybe I could find some clue as to where they had gone, a note stuck behind a dresser, or… something. Anything.

I started in the living room. Like the Cullen house had been described, the main room was huge. Most of the day to day activities had taken place in here. There was a large cabinet set into the wall on one side, and I opened it. A television had sat there in the center; I could make out the shape in the light coat of dust.

The house sprawled across the hillside naturally; it was one story, but because of the hill, there were several different levels and lots of stairs, and lots of rooms and ground to cover. Floorboards, furniture, cabinetry, everything was searched. And even though I scoured through everything, no trace of the Denali clan was left behind. There was absolutely nothing.

I sat on the floor, amongst the settling dust motes and the shifted furniture, and leaned my head against a chair. Any hope I had had was gone.

The next day dawned, and still the werewolves slept. I waited for them to wake up for a very long time, but when the daylight had lit up the darkest regions of the house, I gave up on that. I was too antsy, too _thirsty_ to wait for too long.

Jacob had taken a bedroom on one side of the house, and Leah had taken one on the opposite side. Leah was farther away, but who would be easier for me to wake?

Leah, I decided. I was still nervous about Jacob. What if I surprised him and he attacked me again? Of course, knowing my luck, that's exactly what would happen. Leah could wake him up.

I ran to the other side of the house and into the bedroom with Leah in it. She lay on the mattress, her arms and legs spilling haphazardly across the bed. A light sheen of sweat covered her face, and her expression was anything but peaceful, as though she'd had nightmares.

"Leah?" I asked, suddenly feeling timid.

She shot up, looking around the room and shaking. I backed away, but she made no other sudden moves. The shivering wasn't from lack of control, I realized. Her heartbeat was accelerated, and she was breathing fast. I'd woken her from a dream, and she was having an adrenaline rush.

"Sam?" she asked, blinking and disoriented.

"Yeah, it's me," I answered.

Her eyes flicked to me, and for a moment, I thought she didn't realize who I was. But then I saw the flicker of recognition, and Leah relaxed. "Oh. It's you."z

Oh. I'd been so used to Brianne calling me Sam all the time that I had thought… But of course Leah wouldn't call me Sam. I was Samantha to her, a completely different person. Thing. Whatever I was classified as. "I'm sorry," I said, uncertain of why I was saying it.

Leah brushed the thought away, still trying to clear her mind. "What time is it?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Late morning, early afternoon. You slept a long time."

Leah nodded, but then blinked and looked up at me again. "You didn't… watch me, did you?"

"No," I responded, surprised. "Why would I?"

She ran her hand through her short hair. "The mind reader did, in the books. He always watched her sleep. Creepy stalker, if you ask me." Leah got up. "Probably had nothing better to do."

I watched her carefully. "And you were afraid that I would do the same thing?"

Leah glanced at me, and then shook her head. "Never mind. Is Jacob awake?"

"No," I answered. "I figured it would be best if you were the one to wake him."

Leah groaned and got to her feet. "I can't tell if you're lazy, or smart. It can take forever to wake him up sometimes." I didn't answer. I wasn't lazy or smart, just scared. Leah looked up at me again. "Your eyes are still darker. You'll need to hunt today."

I shrugged. So what if I didn't want to hunt? It was past the point of arguing. I hadn't found anything to discover what the vampire clan, formerly of Denali, had become. The options were limited to say the least. Were they going to keep me here for the next few years?

With a jolt, I realized that I had given up. I didn't want to die, but I was acting like there was no other option. Why wasn't I looking? Why wasn't I shooting off idea after idea?

Brianne thought I was alive. She wanted me to email her. What would happen to her if the emails never came? If she waited, anxiously, to hear that I was alive and alright, and never found out?

I couldn't do that to her. I had to keep fighting. I had to try.

Leah walked past me, completely oblivious to my sudden resolve. I followed her.

"Jacob, get your butt out of bed," she announced as she walked into his room.

He grunted, turned over, and began snoring again.

Leah pushed him completely off the mattress, and Jacob landed on the floor. "Wake _up_, Jacob."

"I'm up, Leah," Jacob grumbled, standing up. "You could be a little more patient. I seem to recall something about being Alpha…"

She raised her eyebrow, hands resting on her hips. "Yeah? You going to order me around? I seem to remember having a vampire problem we have to deal with."

Did she ever resist challenging him? Every turn, it seemed like Leah was fighting, not necessarily fighting Jacob, but fighting everything, orders, rules, anything. Maybe she was too used to fighting to be able to stop.

Jacob's eyes narrowed, but he brushed past Leah, past me, and out into the main room. Apparently, he was used to Leah.

Once we got to the main room, he stretched out onto one of the covered couches. "So, what did you find?" he asked, looking at me.

"Nothing," I answered. "They didn't leave the smallest scrap of paper behind to tell us where they are."

Leah let out a low whistle, and swore.

Jacob shook his head. "I didn't think they would, but it was worth a try."

"So what do we do now?" I asked. "The Denali clan is out, just like the Cullens. There is no way to track any of the vegetarian vamps down."

Leah's head jerked up. "Wait."

Jacob and I looked towards her.

"There is a way," she said softly. "We _can_ track down the Cullens. We didn't look very far before, because it would take revealing our identity… But there is one person we can reach who knows how to reach them."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. Really, I wanted to know _who_ they were talking about. How could Jacob and Leah have looked over a link to the Cullens? Didn't they want to remain in contact with them, especially after the books started to come out?

Jacob and Leah both ignored me, both totally absorbed in their conversation.

"It's quite a risk," Jacob said.

"But if she already knows…"

"She can't. She would never have agreed-"

"But there is a chance, Jacob. Are you so against seeing them again? Is seeing Bella really that frightening?"

He flinched.

"I'm lost," I declared. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Both wolves turned to me. "Stephenie Meyer," they answered simultaneously.

I blinked, my mind not making the leap. What on earth did Stephenie Meyer have to do with finding the Cullens?

"She has to be in contact with the Cullens for the books. We can get her to tell them we want to talk with them," Leah explained.

"And she'll believe you?"

Leah grinned. "I think I can manage that. She's spent years with these books. She'll know the real thing when she sees it."

Oh. Was it possible? Could I really meet the Cullens? The idea seemed impossible, farfetched. She was Brianne's idol, after Edward, of course. The fans flocked to her like crazy. How could we get through to her? Or, actually, how could Leah and Jacob get through? Stephenie Meyer was human. I wasn't going within a mile of her.

"And how on earth are you going to get to Stephenie Meyer?"

"We don't even have to try." Jacob grinned. "She's coming to us. There's a signing in Seattle on the 12th, a little over a week from now. We'll give her a message then."

The simplicity of the plan astounded me. I blinked, taking in Jacob's and Leah's sudden smiles.

I was going to meet the Cullens. The Cullens, whom hundreds of fans drooled over, lamenting their fictional-ness. But they were real, and I was going to meet them. The thought was shocking, exhilarating, and terrifying.

I raised my eyes to Leah's and then to Jacob's. The only thing I could think to say was, "Brianne is going to be so jealous."

* * *

Are you suddenly imagining where those cameos are going to be? Because I know. Goodness, it's so nice to finally be able to reveal my plot twist! I've had this planned from the beginning!

Please review, and tell me what you think!


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Hunt

16

AN: The problem with getting the flu is that, while it gives you the time off of work and school you need to write, it also zaps your brain of any desire to remain alert and on topic enough to write. And then, of course, the pre-finals nastiness hits you and you have all that homework you didn't do while you were sick and all the new homework and studying to do. I hate the flu.

And I wish to apologize. It has been far too long... I've been trying to get this chapter up since Thanksgiving, but one thing after another... Sickness, sudden exams, projects, etc., got in the way. I know that some of you think I don't need a Beta, but you did not see the chapter I made her work with. Seriously, if you have the time, thank her. It was a mess. And now a word from my Beta:

Beta's note: Sorry everyone that it took me so long to get this back to Angeliss! I promise I'll be better! Hugs, Kim

* * *

Samantha

Stephenie Meyer. I blinked again. Somehow, someday, I would process that. Right now, however, it was the latest in a series of world changing events. Even as little as it seemed, it was too much. I was simply numb. My mind, having given up on trying to categorize the information somewhere that made sense, was already on to the next problem.

"It only took us three days to get here. That still gives us eight days. What do we do in the meantime?"

"What do you think we'll be doing?" Jacob asked. "We'll stay up here for a while. It's far enough from La Push, from the humans that hanging out shouldn't be a problem, unlike heading back to where we found you."

"But the first thing we're doing is going further north for you to hunt," Leah said, eyeing me. "You don't look so hot."

Jacob snorted, and she clarified, "Darker eyes, you know. You're thirsty."

"I'm a newborn," I answered. "I'm always thirsty."

Leah sighed. "Why are you arguing? Every time I mention hunting, you freak."

I turned my eyes away from her. "I'm not…human."

"Yeah, we got that part," Leah said, her sarcasm shining through. "It's something else that's bothering you."

"No," I said. "Here, I'm somewhat normal. I can talk like a human, I can even think like one if I try hard enough. Out there, when I hunt…" The words froze in my throat.

"Out there, you're a monster," Jacob finished quietly.

I nodded. "All I am is speed and thirst. I'm not in control. It scares me... I don't want to be a monster."

Jacob swore under his breath. I glanced towards him. His body was taut with anger, and he stalked out of the room.

"What did I say now?" I begged Leah.

"It wasn't that you said the wrong thing," Leah replied softly. "Not this time."

"What do you mean?" I would change it to this: "How the heck could I not say the wrong thing and still manage to piss Jacob off?

"It was the same things we all said when we first changed," she answered softly. "Monster. Inhuman. Out of control." She sighed, and swore, but this time with only slight surprise behind it. "Damn..." She looked up at me. "I look at you, and I don't see a vampire. Not anymore, and neither does Jacob."

She made a sound halfway between a snort and a sigh. "Double damn. What the hell are you?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out myself," I answered.

This time, Leah did snort. "You do realize that this never would have happened for anyone else?"

"You mean no one else would have acted like me, or that you would never have treated a vampire like you treat me?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was thinking the second one. Do I look like I would know how I would act as a vampire?"

"So what do we do now?"

"Now we take you outside and set you loose after the local wildlife. It'll be fun, I promise."

The innocent glint in her eyes and sarcastic tone to her voice put me on edge all over again. I backed away, breathing more heavily, testing the air for the slight changes that would tell me she was about to strike. Leah's face turned annoyed.

"Samantha, I'm not going to attack you. Can't you get that through your head?"

The change in attitude did very little to calm me. I hated the fact that my instincts were stronger than my ability to rationalize through the information. Of course she wasn't going to attack me, but that didn't do anything against the tension in my muscles, the sudden instinctual wariness rushing through my body.

Leah sighed, exasperated. "Listen. For us, there isn't enough human food to go around on the rez. It costs too much. _All_ of us have to hunt sometimes, or we go hungry. Doesn't matter whether you like it or not. That's simply the way it works. Hunting is simply a part of the life you have now. It isn't fun, or even necessarily pleasant, but it's time to get used to it. If you keep trying to avoid hunting, eventually you'll get so thirsty you'll attack anything with a heartbeat."

My breath slowed as I absorbed this. Anything with a heartbeat? Even a werewolf's heartbeat? As hyperaware as I was, I could hear Leah's heart, pounding solidly inside her body. "I'll be…dangerous, to you?"

Leah nodded. "Right now, I don't seem very appetizing. But you should know that appetizing and surviving are two very different things."

I relaxed. The nonexistent danger had passed, and I was back to being almost human again. "Okay. Let's go, then."

Leah got up and walked out of the house. I followed her.

"Jacob, we have to help the newborn hunt. Doesn't sound like my idea of fun, so you better not think you can make me do it alone."

"I'm not bailing on you, Leah," said Jacob's voice.

My eyes flicked to the space where he was. Jacob walked forward, out of the trees. I was not expecting my hearing to be sharp enough to place his position so exactly, and I jumped back a fraction of an inch.

"Is everything going to freak you out? Geez, calm down, why don't you?" Leah hissed.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

Leah snorted again, and ran past me. The sarong fell as she shifted forms. I had never seen a werewolf shift; it was almost too fast for me to see. She was on four legs before the sarong had even reached the ground, blocking my view, not that I wanted to stare. There was a streak of grey as she disappeared into the trees. I followed.

I couldn't see the two werewolves, but I could hear them, one on each side of me, and I could smell them. Instead of being afraid, I found the rhythm comforting, and pushed forward even faster. It turned into a race, the three of us moving together as one unit. I grinned, enjoying the way the wind played against my skin and hair, the way the scenery changed so quickly, offering me a variety of colors and shapes to see.

When one of them finally made a misstep, I stopped, and laughed. The speed would have been dizzying before, but now it was exhilarating.

Leah and Jacob came into view, their heads tilted to the side in question.

I shrugged and grinned. "It was fun."

Jacob made a low growl of irritation. Leah shook her head and shoulders and walked a few steps. Then she broke off into a run, and Jacob and I stared after her.

He understood before I did, and took off after her. This was a race. Another grin spread across my face, and I sprinted off after them.

We were evenly matched, except for the fact that the wolves were beginning to tire. It wasn't enough to be obvious to anyone else, unless they were listening as closely as I was. When I started to gain ground, I slowed, waiting for them to catch up with me.

As I waited, I caught the scent of something. It was something big, and not something I had come across before. The thirst in my throat flared to life.

Maybe I hissed, or growled. Maybe I fell into a crouch, ready to pounce forward. I was no longer consciously thinking of anything, no longer aware of what I was doing. My instincts had taken control. I could hear every crackle in the underbrush, smell and match every scent, see every ripple of movement ahead of me for miles. And that _scent_… It was, perhaps, less appealing than a human scent, but I was thirsty, and it was there, ready for me to reach out and…

Two dark shapes, one reddish brown, the other grey, flew ahead of me, diving together and splitting apart. They were after my meal. I raced behind them, trying to beat them, but the way the wolves' trails ran in zigzags, I couldn't smell whatever it was I wanted anymore. It was hidden, masked by the werewolf stench.

I paused, uncertain. For a moment, my head cleared, and even under the clouded sense of needing to find that thing at any cost, I could hear myself. Where was it?

The sounds changed. Four paws to one side, four paws to the other side, and down the center, straight towards me was the beat of another four legs. Jacob and Leah were herding whatever it was towards me. _Oh._

The scent hit me seconds before the creature came into view. I leapt, and bit down. The world dissolved into the scents and feel and _taste_…

The life-giving liquid came to an end, and I stopped drinking. I was suddenly aware that my mouth was full of fur, and I attempted to spit it out as my mind took over again, and I took stock of the situation. It was a strange, uncomfortable feeling, as though I was waking up. At the same time, it was more than that, it was as though I had done something unpleasant in my sleep and was suddenly waking up to realize what had happened. I dropped the… head of whatever it was, and let it fall to the ground.

It wasn't that the creature was dead that bothered me. Nor was it the idea that I had killed it and drank its blood. That was necessary, for my survival. No, what bothered me was not being able to govern my actions. I simply…_ became_… something else.

I backed away from the animal's corpse. My arms, halfway to my elbows, were drenched red, and the lap of my jean had viscous drips smeared across them. My shirt, for the most part, appeared untouched. Of course. It was just my luck that my favorite pair of jeans was ruined, and a shirt that would never be worn again after this adventure remained clean. I moved to swipe away at the blood on the jeans before I remembered that my hands were no better.

Jacob and Leah, sensing I was finished, moved in towards the animal and began tearing away at it. I slowly walked away from them, wanting to shut the sound out of my ears, wanting to wash the blood from my hands. Whatever I was now, I didn't want to be any more.

* * *

Remember: Samantha has a power. What do you think it is? I want guesses, people!

Secondly, if you review, you will get a preview of the next chapter!


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Races

Disclaimer: So I don't own anything but Samantha. I can live with that. Stephenie Meyer can have her millions.

It's been forever. I am SO sorry. This chapter is mostly a recap of the last chapter, but there's a twist at the end. And because it's a cliffy chapter, I can promise you that the next one won't be so late. Really! I've got almost all of it written. And to reassure you- I will NOT drop this fic. Ever. Well, until it's done.

I would like to thank everyone who PMd me about this story coughBriony97cough, everyone who reviewed, and my **brother Devan** because he wrote a lot of the dialogue himself. I am very proud of him, so make sure you mention him in your reviews!

Unbeta-ed chapter alert! (amgglekim- I'll be sending you the next chapter in a day or so, just FYI)

* * *

17

Leah

I watched Samantha brush her hair back away from her face in frustration. Her red eyes were terrified. I would have said something sarcastic about it, but there was something about the fear that made me shut my mouth. It didn't stop my thoughts, however. She was terrified of _Jacob._ That was completely unthinkable to me. Other vampires had better be scared, but Jacob never broke his word. True, he had attacked her, and he was intimidating, but even still. He was _Jacob_ and he had said he wouldn't hurt her. That should have been enough.

"Is everything going to freak you out? Geez, calm down, why don't you?" I told her sharply.

"Sorry," she said, her eyes darting down. I felt a twinge of guilt, but shook it away. I didn't do pity. She'd live.

I untied the knot of my sarong and shifted forms. Samantha was taking everything so personally. It confused me. She'd been a vampire for a week, she should have gotten used to it by now.

_Did you get used to it after a week?_

_Leave me alone, Jacob,_ I snapped.

He ignored my comment as usual, and continued. _It took a lot of adjusting for all of us. In some ways, it took years. _

_Don't patronize me, Jacob Black_, I growled, warning him. _You fell in love with a girl who loved your enemy. I lost everything I had ever known the day I shifted. She may have left her life behind, but she doesn't have any of the complications we had. Even our temperaments, Jacob. We couldn't even deal with the problems we were left with, being too angry and bitter to handle it. She has no deaths on her hands, no romantic triangles, just a sister, and the sudden realization that this is real. I'm not saying she hasn't made sacrifices, but to compare what we have given up, and what we continue to give up, to her little dreams of how reality should be… It doesn't work, Jacob._

_But Samantha hasn't had time…_ he began, but I cut him off.

_Samantha may not have had the chance to understand what she's lost, but she should know things instinctually. She is a ready made killer in the guise of a teenage girl. Don't forget that. She has instincts, reflexes, and a mind that can comprehend things faster than lightning. She should be prepared. _I wasn't aware that I kept increasing the pace, not until Samantha's gait changed to give her more distance with each stride.

_Race you,_ Jacob said, effectively changing the subject. I didn't mind. I couldn't give up on an argument, even one we couldn't finish. It was a matter of pride. I had to hold my own as the only female wolf, and being contrary was one of the few ways available to me. Jacob offered me an easy escape from another few hours of "discussion", whether he knew it or not.

_I can beat you any day of the week, and you know it,_ I said smugly, and charged ahead.

We kept even, probably because I was tired, but I wasn't going to admit it. Before long, Samantha sensed we were racing and joined in.

_Gee, Jake… I think she may be faster than you are. How does it feel to be beaten by _two_ girls, one of whom isn't even a werewolf?_

_You're the one she's gaining on, Leah,_ he shot back. _How does it feel to be beaten by a leech?_

_Beaten? Me? Jacob, you're obviously delusional. You're the one that's eating my dust._

Currently, I was in the lead, but only by inches. Samantha and Jacob were tied. I turned a little to the left, away from the others, to make it up a slight incline. They dropped behind even further before they sped up to match me. Jacob took the next turn, going right, and I had to work to keep ahead. I didn't like losing.

On the next left turn, one of the rocks underneath my feet was dislodged. Samantha dodged it easily, but Jacob was not so lucky. He was strong, powerful, but turning and sidestepping were not his strengths. There was too much force behind his movements to change his direction easily, and when he tried to avoid the rock, his back legs slid out from beneath him. He scrambled up, but in the few moments he took, he lost any chance he had of winning. There was no way he could catch up now.

_Ha,_ I gloated as Samantha and I slowed to a stop. _I beat you. And _she_ beat you. Face it, you lost, sucker._

He growled at me. _You did that on purpose._

_Did what?_

_The rock, Leah. You purposely tried to trip me._

_Rules? There are rules? _I asked archly_._

I felt, rather than heard Jacob's indignation, and I snorted. _Of course I didn't break the rules, _I said. _I didn't _need_ to break any rules to win. You lost because you're a klutz._

Samantha decided to laugh right then and Jacob and I both jerked our heads in her direction. It was almost as if she were laughing at what we'd just said.

She shrugged at us. "It was fun."

_Told you she didn't have as much to deal with,_ I grumbled._ When did you first laugh, Jacob, after your world turned upside down?_ So I couldn't let go of an argument. He'd have to deal with it.

He growled.

_Are you that upset about losing? Well, then… Rematch!_ I took off again, before the others could prepare.

_Not fair!_ Jacob shouted, but he started running, too. He wasn't as slow this time; he was giving this race some extra effort. Samantha was moments behind him.

I wasn't sure if I could win this one. I was a great deal faster than Jacob, but I didn't have as much endurance as he did, and I sure as hell didn't have as much endurance as a leech. They never needed to rest, never needed to sleep. To not need a break… That was quite an alien concept for me. Everything living needed rest. Even flowers closed their petals once the sun left them behind. Vampires were just… creepy.

_Unless you focus, she's going to beat you,_ Jacob said smugly.

I glanced at Samantha. We were breaking even.

_Aw, crap._

_Told ya._ Jacob was grinning, and if I wasn't so determined to beat him, I would have stayed behind to knock his teeth in. But I had a point to prove, and I wasn't going to give up.

I increased my speed. So did Samantha. The only difference was the way she kept a steady rhythm, and mine faltered, barely. I was beginning to run myself out. There wasn't any way I could salvage this. So I slowed down. Jacob was slowing, too, whether out of fatigue or because he was playing along, I didn't know.

Samantha sped ahead of us, but she stopped a little ways ahead.

_She beat you,_ Jacob said, laughing. _Epic fail there, Leah. You were bested by a vamp._

_I let her win_, I sniffed.

_Sure…_

Samantha laughed again, but it trailed to a stop. It wasn't in a pleasant way, but like a symphony ending with everyone finding their favorite conflicting notes, and then lapsing into silence.

_You smell that?_ Jacob asked me.

I sniffed. Moose. Of course. It was Alaska, after all. What else would you find to eat in Alaska?

_Unless we want her roaming all over the state, we should probably lend her a hand,_ Jacob said, and visually outlined his plan.

_Let's go._ I leapt forward, matching Jacob perfectly. We zigzagged and crisscrossed, more of an instinct than anything else. The moose hadn't smelled us yet, but it heard us and took off. From what I'd heard, the things were normally a lot more stubborn, ready to take on a predator rather than give ground, but this one apparently didn't like us. Probably it had never heard anything as big as us after it.

_It isn't the same when you're alone_, Jacob informed me. _It's the number of whatever's attacking them that makes the difference._

I mentally shrugged. Jacob would know. He was the one who spent months in wolf form in Alaska and Canada.

We beat the moose easily, headed it off, and made it turn around. I could smell the terror coming off of it and the thudding of its heart. The scent and sound put my nerves on edge and threw my instincts into gear.

The poor moose had no idea what was coming. It would have been better off with us than a newborn bloodsucker.

_Poor moose?_ Jacob asked. _You've never met a moose before, have you? They aren't stubborn, they're mean, and probably crazy, too._ He snapped at it again, sending it running towards me.

Samantha leapt forward, red eyes blazing, and the moose tried to turn and run straight back at us. This one wasn't so crazy. It just wasn't fast enough. Samantha lunged at it, tumbling forward and somersaulting onto the ground so that the moose was pinned underneath her. The ribs cracked as they landed. I winced. I heard its neck snap, and then the heartbeat stuttered and stopped.

That was the most horrible part of all. Not watching the blood drained from the creature, not the chase or the attack. It was when the heart suddenly gave up and lapsed into silence, silence so still that you were aware of your own heart beating, of your own breathing, of how alive you were and how fragile that was. How lucky you were. How yet another death was on your shoulders.

_Leah_… Jacob said softly.

I jerked my mind away from the memory. _Don't pity me,_ I hissed, begged, snapped.

_I don't pity you,_ Jacob said, shocked.

_Oh._ I was too surprised for the normal sarcastic reply. My brain felt like it had frozen. I had thought Jacob merely translated his self pity to pity for me, when our "situations" were so similar. And I hated him for it.

_Hungry?_ he asked, changing the subject again._ Samantha's done._

I glanced at Samantha, who dropped the moose head and let it fall to the ground_. Leech leftovers, yum._ I looked away from Samantha, from Jacob, staring at the trees and undergrowth.

_Do you want to kill another one? _

I couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through my body. _No, that's okay. Why waste a perfectly good, sucked-dry moose carcass?_

Jacob snorted a laugh, but his thoughts were receding. He was letting his instincts take over. I followed his lead. Together, we sprang at the moose and began to eat, like wolves do. I didn't let my thoughts enter into it. That spelled sudden nausea and loss of appetite, something I didn't want. I was famished.

When Jacob and I were finished, the mostly stripped carcass looked like something people could actually find in a forest, a moose that had been set upon by predators. A bull moose, but a wolf pack could take one down. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

Something was still not quite right. I turned around, scanning our surroundings before I could place it. It didn't take me long to realize Samantha wasn't there. I'd gotten used to checking for her; it happened like that when you were too close to a vampire. You couldn't let them sneak up on you, no matter how much you trusted one, because instinctual reactions and trust were two very different things.

_Jacob, where's Samantha?_

He turned glancing around the area, and then looked into my eyes. _I don't know._

* * *

Please review! Even if it's to berate me, I want to know what you think!


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Search

* * *

Disclaimer: I only own Samantha and... yeah. Various OCs. Not much else. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

AN Sorry this is so late, guys- it was seriously my fault this time; I've had the edited version from my beta, amgglekim, for weeks, but haven't been able to get to it. Enjoy!

* * *

18

Leah

Samantha was missing. Great; yet another fun activity to add to my plans.

Immediately Jacob was up and sniffing for her scent. One of the problems with vampires is that when they held completely still, you couldn't hear them. I couldn't hear Samantha, and neither could Jacob. Either she was standing around somewhere close by, or she wasn't close at all. I hoped she was close.

_She's gone this way_, Jacob said, facing north.

I swore. So much for being close. How could she think it was safe for her to be on her own? _Vampire hunting is not my idea of fun right now, Jacob. I am not a professional bloodsucker sitter._

_Fun? You volunteered, Leah. It wasn't supposed to be "fun"._

_I know that,_ I grumbled. _I just thought… Damn, I thought she was smarter than to wander off alone. Let's go find her. _I leapt past Jacob straight into Samantha's trail. Jacob was moments behind me.

She couldn't have gone far. We hadn't taken very long with the moose; I had been ravenous, and I'm sure Jacob had been even hungrier, having eaten more than half of the moose. There were only so many miles a vampire could go in ten minutes, and that was considering their top speed. Samantha wouldn't be running, unless…

_Crap. I didn't check to see if she was still thirsty_, Jacob said.

_I didn't either. Can you smell any prey? I can't._ All I could smell was the icy sweet burn that Samantha had left behind.

_Her scent is everywhere. If she followed something exactly enough, I couldn't smell it._

I increased my speed. _She is so dead when I catch up to her…_

_Wait,_ Jacob said suddenly. _What if she wasn't running after prey? What if she was trying to escape from us?_

My footing faltered. _What?_

_Think about it. She's scared of us. What if she thought she'd be better off on her own? I mean, if she's that freaked out, she might think that being alone would be better._

It was possible, but I hoped it wasn't the reason. That would have meant that I had been wrong about her. I had thought she was stronger, better, than that. I didn't like to be wrong.

I shook the thought away. We'd catch her easily, and then life would go back to the

And then there was no more scent to follow. Or rather, there was too much, like Samantha had stopped and paced around the area. I went to the edge of her trail, and followed it as it curved in a large circle. Jacob took the other side and we worked our way around. We met on the other side.

_She's still here_, Jacob said, stating what both of us knew. She couldn't have left without a trail.

_It's a large area, though_, I responded. _Three vampires could hide in there without us knowing. Finding Samantha in all that is going to be quite a challenge._

_Are you suggesting we shift?_

I didn't like the idea, but wolf bodies were not good for tree climbing, which Samantha had probably done, or for calling leech names.

_I don't like to_… I answered honestly.

_But you think it would be best. _

_Yes._

_I always dreamed about climbing trees in the buff_, Jacob said.

_Lifelong aspirations. You can finally live your dream, Jacob._

He lost the easygoing mood and locked down. That's what it felt like; his muscles froze. He stopped moving, he stopped feeling anything, and he stopped his thoughts. I knew exactly what that felt like, when your mind wandered somewhere you didn't want it to go. Somewhere you couldn't handle it going. His lifelong dream was something too painful for him to contemplate.

I waited for him. There wasn't anything else to do; he wouldn't pay attention to anything I said. He wouldn't be able to hear me.

While we stood there, another scent came to my attention. _Vampire, Jacob. Not Samantha- this is different. There are others who have been here recently._

_That's it. We aren't shifting. Samantha better hear this, or we're going to have to track her down later._ He threw his head back and howled. I joined in, our voices spiraling towards the sky.

There was something instinctual and freeing about howling. It raised every nerve ending to attention, running electricity through my body. I was somehow more alive and more powerful at that moment than at any other. That feeling lasted for about three seconds, when I heard something beside me.

I whipped around to face a vampire, crouched and ready to spring. I growled, and Jacob moved so that he was right beside me.

_You're pack, Leah. Irritating or not, I've always got your back._ There was something that sounded remarkably like respect in his tone.

I sniffed. I so wasn't about to get all mushy about that, even if it was what he expected, so I just ignored him, turning my attention to the threat.

She was small and wiry, with the same pale, beautiful features all of them had. If there was anything that made you lose appreciation for symmetry in a face, it would be them. There was nothing like knowing that your gasp of delight in seeing perfection would soon turn into a gasp of horror.

The leech didn't move, crouched in front of us, sizing us up. I looked immediately at her eyes. They were the most telling parts of a bloodsucker; they told you when they were going to attack, how thirsty they were, and even how they were sizing up a situation like she was doing now. You could dodge the flailing arms and legs and avoid teeth if you just looked in their eyes.

This time I only had one eye to look at. The other was covered by a mop of dark curly hair that was so tangled I was grateful I no longer had my long hair. The eye I could see was red. That meant she was stronger, having recently fed. It also meant that she was not as controlled by her instincts. She would be harder to trip up.

Neither side attacked. We were waiting for her to make the first move; well, Jacob was, anyway. I didn't like the sudden silence that had fallen. Personally, I was ready to rip her to shreds and go back to looking for Samantha.

_There could be more_, Jacob warned me. _We don't want to suddenly find ourselves outnumbered, or trapped. On our own ground we could easily get rid of any threats; but we're at a disadvantage here._

The bloodsucker hissed. I growled as my hackles rose. I _really_ hated vampires.

_And yet you offer to protect a vampire named Samantha._

_Shut up and get out of my head, Jacob._

_Shutting._

There was another rustling from behind us, on the opposite side. I swore again. We were boxed in. But as I turned to face the new threat, I saw something I recognized. Bubble gum pink shirt, straight brown hair, and jeans. From the back, she looked like Bella, but this was Samantha. I don't think I'd ever been so relieved to see a leech. She was safe. She was with us. I was right about her all along. And she hadn't killed anyone.

She ran in between me and Jacob, stopping just ahead of us, facing the other vampire. For the first time since Jacob had attacked her, she had her back to us.

"Hi," she said, her voice ringing. It sounded too high and excited. "Sorry to bother you."

I never would have apologized for finding a bloodsucker in my path. I would much rather rip them to shreds. One less leech preying on the humans. Then again, I guess that this was Samantha's world now, and it didn't work to make enemies before making allies.

The leech's lone eye darted from Samantha to me, to Jacob, and then back to Samantha again.

"They're with me." This time her voice was strong. There was no hesitation. Samantha straightened, coming to her full height, which wasn't very tall or intimidating. Then again, maybe she wasn't attempting to intimidate the other leech. Maybe something had changed.

_She's proud of that_, Jacob told me. _She's showing off that we're with her._

The other bloodsucker took a few steps back. "It's unnatural," she said, "that you should be together. Wrong. Their scent tells me to run or fight. Enemy." It was the first time she had spoken, but she was obviously having a hard time sizing us up properly. A newborn that spoke without the deference or the savageness of other newborns, and two guardians the likes of which she had never seen before. I wanted to laugh; I suddenly found this strange vampire's reactions very comedic.

"I trust them," Samantha said. Her voice held strong.

The other vampire relaxed slightly, but she was still wary. "What are you doing here?"

"Just passing through. We'll be staying in Denali for a few days. You?"

Silence fell as the other leech considered this. "Passing through," she answered shortly.

"Then perhaps we will meet again."

Jacob growled, and the leech glanced at him, taking another step back. "I don't think so. I'm going east. I do not like this."

Then she turned and ran off, without another word.

Samantha turned to look at us with the biggest grin on her face. She was proud of herself.

I wasn't going to stand for that. I growled and snapped at her, giving her the worst mental cussing out she'd ever had.

_You might want to save some of those for when she can actually understand you_, Jacob advised.

_Not cool_, I thought back. And before I thought it through, I shifted.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" I asked Samantha, who was suddenly averting her eyes. You'd think she'd never seen a naked woman before. "You left us without letting us know where you were going- we didn't know if you were running off on your own, or if you'd suddenly gone after some animal, or some human, or what."

She bit her lip and winced. The sharp cut just under her mouth sealed shut. She still wouldn't look up at me.

I swore again. "Damn it, Samantha, you can look me in the eyes, you know."

Samantha looked up at me. I was a great deal taller than her, and I hoped that was good enough for intimidation, because the lack of clothing didn't allow for much.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I just wanted to go far enough that I didn't hear you…eating. I wanted to get back into control. I wasn't going to leave." How did a pair of blood red eyes manage to look so vulnerable?

I lowered my voice. "You led us right into the path of another leech. You could have gotten us killed." We could easily have taken down one bloodsucker, but Samantha didn't need to know that. She could have gotten us killed, and that was the problem. "You freaked us out. You could have been hightailing after some poor hiker."

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I wasn't thinking. It won't happen again."

"It sure as hell won't." I turned to walk away, still fuming.

"Leah?"

I turned.

"I know it doesn't mean much, but I am sorry for scaring you like that. It wasn't what I wanted to do."

That undid me. I felt the carefully guarded anger seep out of my bones. She wasn't bothered by what could have happened, but she was genuinely sorry about scaring me. She was worried about me. Pity I could understand. It came from people who didn't understand, who tried to force you into a broken shell. I was anything but broken. Worry, on the other hand, was different. I could take care of myself. People didn't worry about me. Even my mother knew that I didn't need to be fussed about. Samantha was worried about me, though. The only reason for that that I could see was that she cared. I shook the thought away. Vampires and werewolves did not have relationships like that.

"Let's go back to the Denali house," I said. "There's been enough excitement for one day." Samantha nodded to me, looking slightly mollified, and I shifted back to my wolf form.

_Should we have stronger security measures around her, do you think?_ Jacob asked.

_No_, I answered, glancing back at Samantha. _She meant it.  
_

* * *

Please review. I know that I haven't been up on replying, but I promise, I am going to do so. As for previews... They just aren't working for me. Maybe someday when I actually have time to prewrite chapters.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Arguments

Wow. Long time no see. I have excuses. Good ones. Ones that involve the words Grandpa, massive stroke, life and death, and wheelchairs. There was a period of about two weeks where he'd get marginally better only to dive back down into the danger zone again. We thought he was going to die. Good news is, he's alive. He's condemned to a wheelchair, though, and he's having trouble with the rehabilitation stuff. So, for any of you who are religious, please keep him in your prayers. I had so much going on emotionally I simply could not write. Finally, there's been progress on that front.

**RECAP: **Samantha was traveling with her sister Brianne to Forks for part of the summer. Samantha, who hates Twilight, ran into a couple vamps who managed to bite her, but were killed by werewolves before she became a very dead snack, instead of an undead one. She almost killed Brianne, but was stpped by the wolves getting too close. The wolves felt guilty about her, and because she came to them to let them kill her, they couldn't. Jacob and Leah volunteered themselves to escort Samantha to Denali, where they would hopefully meet the vegetarian vamps. In the midst of their travels, Jacob and Leah discover the contents of BD, which drives Jacob practically crazy. He attacks Samantha, who freaks, but Leah brings him back to the present. Bella never had a child, and he can't understand why she would try to give him that false happiness. When they reach Denali, they are left without a way of tracking down any of the vegetarian vamps. Leah and Jacob are forced to follow their only lead- Stephenie Meyer herself, and then find the Cullens through her. Samantha was taken out hunting by Jacob and Leah, only to have to leave them as they ate. Leah and Jacob ran into another vampire in their attempts to find Samantha, when Samantha showed up and talked them out of a very sticky situation. And now they are back at the Denali mansion.

Disclaimer: I own Samantha and Brianne, but everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

18

Samantha POV

* * *

I hadn't meant to scare them, really, I hadn't. I glanced over at Leah and Jacob, both in their wolf forms. Leah had shifted back once she'd finished telling me off.

To be honest, I wasn't sure that I'd minded her yelling at me. From what I recall of the books, she _would_ be good at yelling. Leah was never afraid. And yelling was something that happened when you got angry enough to have to let it out. Being angry meant that you cared. The idea that she cared about my wellbeing was so laughable I almost didn't believe it. However, it was the truth. Leah cared, and that mattered to me.

On the other hand, her shouting reminded me of Brianne, in ways I didn't necessarily want to remember Brianne. More specifically, in ways I didn't want to remember me being with Brianne. We'd fought a lot, like siblings tend to, but we'd never reached that stage of enjoying each other's company without killing each other. She hadn't been old enough for that, really. I, on the other hand, was old enough. And I wasn't getting any older anymore.

I hadn't minded the yelling so much as the memories it caused.

I started running. There was no racing this time. I was upset, and they were angry, so none of us were in the mood for fun. A lot had changed in the past half hour. Leah and Jacob no longer trusted me. Even now they were hanging back, keeping their distance. And now I trusted them again.

Maybe it was better that way. I didn't even trust myself, so how could I expect them to trust me? I sped up. Leah and Jacob never let me out of sight, keeping their distance without falling back. It was enough to make me feel sick with guilt.

It didn't take long for us to reach the Denali house at the pace we were keeping. I ran ahead into the living room and staked out a chair.

Sitting down was a remarkably human thing. I didn't need to sit down and rest, not now, not ever. It just felt right. Not natural, but like it was a human thing to do. It put my mind at ease even if it did confuse my instincts. It was familiar in a way that the rest of the world wasn't anymore.

I curled up so that I could rest my chin on my knees, not bothering to look up as Jacob and Leah came in.

"I am sorry," I repeated.

I heard a sigh as Jacob and Leah sat down on the couch opposite me.

"An apology isn't going to fix it," Leah said.

"I know," I answered. I just couldn't seem to stop myself from trying anyway.

Everyone was silent again. The tension was thicker than I would have liked.

"I bet you can't wait until after the 12th," I said. "When you finally get rid of me."

Leah's head shot up to look at me, but she didn't say anything. She was surprised, I could tell, but not denying it.

I shrugged and explained, "I'm a problem. _I_ could kill someone if _you_ aren't careful. I'm not… comfortable to be around. Besides, I kind of disrupted your lives."

Leah stared at me for all of two seconds before she laughed. "Disrupted our lives? If you hadn't come along, I would have killed one of the others by now. Probably Seth. Brothers are a pain." She grinned, and then it faded. "Seriously, though, I had to get out of there. We had to leave." The sudden inclusion of Jacob made him look at her, but he didn't say anything.

The seriousness left her voice, going back to its usual sarcastic and humored tone. "As soon as you go, I have to go back. I'd be your best friend if it meant I could live in a place like this."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "An ex-vampire house that's covered in dust? Yeah, I'm sure this is exactly what you dreamed of having when you grew up."

"Of course. What little girl wouldn't want an ex-vampire house covered in dust?" She raised an eyebrow, mocking me. If I could have, I would have blushed.

"And did you dream about living with a vampire?" I asked.

Leah laughed so hard, I thought she was going to choke. When she'd caught her breath, she asked, "Did you ever dream of becoming a vampire?"

"No," I answered shortly. "Maybe my sister does, but I never did. I hated vampires. Bloodsucking creepazoids."

"Ironic, isn't it?" Leah's voice was tinged with sarcasm.

I didn't bother answering. Of course it was ironic. I hadn't asked for any of this, but Brianne would have loved it. At first.

"She wouldn't have been happy," I said. "She would have figured out how… not cool it was. I'm glad…" I stopped.

"You're glad?" Leah looked confused.

"I'm glad that she never had to find out," I whispered. "That she never had to learn what a vampire really is."

Understanding filled her gaze. It was the closest I had ever seen Leah coming to being the soft and cuddly type.

"You care about her a lot," Leah remarked.

I nodded. "I've spent most of my life watching out for her and my little brother. Both my parents work full time, and so I was the one in charge. I used to hate the responsibility, but I got really close to my siblings that way. When I went off to college, it changed a little bit. Brianne discovered Twilight, and my brother started getting the sulky teen attitude before he was even a teen. But I still was kind of a parent. Most of my time with her I spent arguing, though." I was unable to keep the guilt from my voice.

"I have a younger brother," Leah said. "I know what that's like. Except the going off to college part. It isn't easy to go to college when you keep going wolf."

I smiled. "Yeah, I think I remember reading about him. He was the only werewolf character my sister loved."

Leah glowered. "Yeah. Most of the fandom tends to agree with you. I had to hide him a couple times last summer. The fans were looking for him."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. The image of rabid fans heading down to La Push in search for a young boy was just too much.

"Don't laugh," Leah ordered, bristling.

I stopped. The hairs on the back of Leah's neck were warning me.

"It seems like Twilight has affected everyone," I remarked, watching her carefully. "If it hadn't been published, I would have been happily at home with my family, and you wouldn't be hunted down in your own home."

"No." It was Jacob's voice now. "It isn't Twilight that's the issue. It's just a book. An annoying problem, but not the only problem. The real issue is that vampires even exist. That werewolves have to exist as a result. That any of this had to happen. Twilight is just a result of the same kind of problem."

I didn't know what to say to that. Leah, however, did have a retort.

"You just don't want it to be Bella's fault," she said, her eyes flashing. "Well, I got news for you. It _is_ Bella's fault. It's Bella's fault that we don't have a home we can be safe in. It's Bella's fault that Samantha was even here, let alone that we should have screwed up so bad." A shudder rippled down her spine. She swallowed, biting down her instincts.

Jacob wasn't so good at keeping his control. "Don't," he ordered shortly.

"Don't what, Jacob? Don't tell it like it is? Don't admit the truth?" Leah's voice got louder, and she stood, facing Jacob head on. I felt a thrill of fear run through me.

"Don't blame her."

"It doesn't matter whether or not you're Alpha, Jacob. You can't change how I feel. You can't keep it from being the truth. You can order me to be silent, you can order me to never repeat that again, but it won't stop me. Bella's to blame, and you know it."

I backed away from them. Jacob was quivering with anger, every muscle twitching, his hands flexing. He wasn't going to be able to control himself, and I wasn't about to stand between him and Leah when he exploded.

Why wouldn't she stop?

Leah walked up to him, dangerously close. When she spoke, it was soft enough that I had to pay attention to hear her. "She hurt you, Jacob. Can't you even let her take the blame for that?"

Jacob relaxed, just the smallest amount.

Leah didn't move. "Jacob…"

He turned away from her, in control of his anger now, but not wanting to look her in the eyes. "Don't come closer, Leah." His voice pled with her rather than ordered her, and she took a step back.

"I don't know what she meant by what she wrote, by the way that she changed things. But whatever she meant to do, she took what little of you was left and destroyed it. Don't give her the satisfaction. She's not human anymore. She doesn't love you anymore. Don't let her…"

"Don't let her what, Leah? Don't let her realize that she's all I dream about?" Jacob's voice was biting. "Or that I can't stand seeing her with the little girl who should have been mine? That I'll never have? Oh, wait, that's not me. That's you."

Leah flinched. "Don't you dare talk about Sam and Emily to me, Jacob Black."

This time he turned around to look at her. "Then don't you talk about Bella to me, Leah Clearwater."

I stood there, awkwardly shifting my weight. I felt like this was something I shouldn't have seen, shouldn't _be _seeing.

"I'll be in the back," I said in the ensuing silence. Neither of them looked up at me, and I fled.


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Sorrow

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Twilight, Leah, Jacob, or Denali. However, I do own Samantha. And the occasional random vampire.

AN: So, it's been a while. I apologize. Recap provided for your convenience, since most of you have probably forgotten everything in this story by now. I would like to thank the people who've sent me PMs and reviews, especially lately. I much appreciate it. You've kept me going.

* * *

**RECAP: **Samantha was traveling with her sister Brianne to Forks for part of the summer. Samantha, who hates Twilight, ran into a couple vamps who managed to bite her, but were killed by werewolves before she became a very dead snack, instead of an undead one. She almost killed Brianne, but was stopped by the wolves getting too close. The wolves felt guilty about her, and because she came to them to let them kill her, they couldn't. Jacob and Leah volunteered themselves to escort Samantha to Denali, where they would hopefully meet the vegetarian vamps. In the midst of their travels, Jacob and Leah discover the contents of BD, which drives Jacob practically crazy. He attacks Samantha, who freaks, but Leah brings him back to the present. Bella never had a child, and he can't understand why she would try to give him that false happiness. When they reach Denali, they are left without a way of tracking down any of the vegetarian vamps. Leah and Jacob are forced to follow their only lead- Stephenie Meyer herself, and then find the Cullens through her. Samantha was taken out hunting by Jacob and Leah, only to leave them as they ate. Leah and Jacob ran into another vampire in their attempts to find Samantha, when Samantha showed up and talked them out of a very sticky situation. Jacob and Leah had a fight, and Samantha retreated to the back of the house.

* * *

Samantha

I wasn't normally one to run away when people fought. Conflict didn't usually bother me; sometimes it was the only way to reach resolution. Brianne and I had fought a lot, although remembering it was somewhat painful. I'd fought with my parents. I didn't back down just because I was afraid of conflict. The fact that Jacob and Leah had been arguing again wasn't a problem. It was Leah herself.

Leah was the strong one, the one whose anger carried her through any and all situations virtually unscathed. Unbeatable. Invincible. And yet, with a few words, that unbeatable strength of hers fell apart. There was no mistaking how much it hurt her to hear what Jacob told her. For a brief moment, shock and pain were written across her face. I hadn't seen her guard down, not like that, not ever.

I dimly recalled Leah's role in the books. Brianne wasn't as obsessed with the werewolves as she was the vampires, so she wasn't continually chattering about them, but I did remember that Leah had been in love. And the guy, acting exactly like one of my exes, left her for Leah's sister/best friend/someone close. Obviously there was more to the story than a painful breakup, but I couldn't remember why…

The fact remained that Leah wasn't as strong as she pretended to be. The anger only hid the weakness and the bitterness. Inside of her, somewhere, was more pain than I had ever thought to see.

It surprised me. It frightened me. It was so _wrong_, somehow. It was wrong because she was still in pain. After all this time had passed, she still was hurting. Jacob's pain, I understood. He'd loved Bella. Something had happened, something that kept him from resolving that whole situation. Leah'd had the chance Jacob didn't, the chance to fix something that could be fixed. But it wasn't enough. Or maybe it couldn't be fixed.

Jacob's voice broke into my musing. "You don't have to hide anymore. She's gone outside."

I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe. He seemed more relaxed now that Leah wasn't in his face, now that Bella wasn't hanging over his head. Leah, in her easy movements, always looked tense. Like agility under tight control. Jacob, even when he was angry, rarely seemed like a tightly wound spring.

"Why do you think I'm hiding?" I raised my eyebrows.

He shook his head. "Samantha, you bolted. Leah can get scary when she's upset."

I leaned against the wall. "It was that obvious?"

A little smile crossed his face. "Yeah. Not one of your greater talents."

"I'm rather transparent, aren't I? Darn it." I crossed my arms.

"Sometimes you are. Sometimes you surprise me. Actually, you usually surprise me." He knit his eyebrows together before shaking his head. "Anyway, she'll be gone for a while. She'll want to stretch her legs again, clear her head."

I needed to clear my head, too. "What happened to her?" I asked, turning my head to look at the wide expanse of green out the window.

"Leah?"

I shook my head. I wanted to know what the deal was with Bella. I'd wanted to know ever since I'd found out about all of this Twilight stuff.

Jacob stiffened. "I don't want to talk about it." His tone was final.

I turned back to him, too fast to look human. "Will you ever want to talk about it?"

He hesitated. "Maybe."

With a sudden flash of insight, I asked, "To me?"

There was another pause, and he looked away. "I don't know."

"Sounds fair. You shouldn't really trust me anyway. I hear that trusting vampires can get you hurt. Or killed."

Jacob didn't smile at my pitiful attempt at a joke, and I attempted to backtrack.

"I'm sorry, bad attempt at humor. I should probably just shut up."

"I just don't find much funny anymore," Jacob replied, shrugging.

That was probably true. And very sad. I changed the subject. "Why does it still hurt Leah?" I asked, not sure if I wanted an answer. "Why does he still hurt her?"

Jacob closed his eyes and took a breath, then slowly let it out again. "When we change, we do more than hear each other. We see, feel everything. Every thought. We can keep a lot more to ourselves now, but when we… feel too strongly, sometimes the rest of us see things we shouldn't. Sam's married now. Those first few months with Emily… even the rest of us guys had a hard time not falling in love with him. Though maybe that was Leah, more than Sam. But every time he showed a bit of his life with Emily, she saw what she could have had, and never will. And she fell in love with him again every time. She won't be able to escape him. Not until she dies or stops shifting. Or until she forgets how to love him."

I'd thought he'd give me another riddle, another hint at the truth. But this was so much worse. I couldn't imagine being in love and having to see, over and over again, my dreams played out with another girl. So Leah's lost love was forever tied to her by the same kind of magic or circumstances that had taken control of my life. And I'd thought the whole vampire thing sucked. I hadn't considered perpetual torture of a more emotional bent.

"That's horrible," I answered. "What kind of screwed up pack have you got?"

Jacob almost smiled. His lip twitched, and then resumed its noncommittal expression. "Screwed up enough. She has the freedom of shifting when no one else does, sometimes. Or being alone."

I considered this. Being alone, or being tormented by the love of your life. Were there no other choices? "Is being alone really a good alternative, or just something she's stuck with?"

Jacob didn't answer. Leah was as stuck as I was. There was no changing what we were.

"Jacob, can I ask you a question?" He nodded, and I continued. "When you say "screwed up", are you including yourself?"

He met my gaze, holding his breath as I watched him debate whether to answer me or not.

Finally he nodded. "Good call, Samantha. Good call." And he left me wondering whether he'd meant I was right, or whether I had asked another question he couldn't answer.

* * *

That night, long after Jacob and Leah had gone to bed, I pulled out the photographs again. I'd memorized them by that time, but it was nice to hold something, a tangible reminder of who I was, of who I had been.

I could pretend that this was all just a dream, just a vacation, that soon it would all be over, and I could go home. But pretending only worked for so long before you had to grow up.

So far, I'd lost everything that had mattered to me. My family, Brianne, my humanity, my life. My ignorance. I could have gone on quite happily thinking Twilight was just a stupid book, thank you very much.

For all that I had lost, what had I gained? Sharper senses? A desire to kill? I was Clark Kent, complete with superpowers, gone psycho. Superman didn't need babysitters to make sure he didn't kill anyone. Some tradeoff.

"Damn him," someone whispered, and I looked up from my photographs. It could have been Leah or Jacob- they were both down towards the front of the house. Most likely, it was Leah, as she had plenty of reasons to be mad at Jacob. And I didn't see any reason Jacob would be swearing, except at Edward perhaps.

There was a sniffle. Someone was crying. I couldn't picture Leah or Jacob doing that. I got up and silently walked towards the source of the sniffle. The lights were off, but I could see that Leah's door was cracked open, and through the crack, I could see Leah lying on the bed. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and then dug her hands into the bare mattress. I heard the cloth tear and the bed springs pop. Leah let out another sob, and let go of the mattress. I moved my hand to open the door.

I stopped, my hand hanging in midair. What was I thinking? Leah wouldn't want to see me- I wasn't one of the girls to be there when she needed me. She didn't need me. She didn't trust me. And when she realized I'd seen her this vulnerable, she'd kill me to prove it didn't matter. I took a step back, so quickly that the air rushing to fill the empty space I'd left behind moved the door. In the quiet darkness, the hinges creaked.

That was enough. Leah stiffened.

"Samantha." Her voice was taut with emotion. I didn't move. Without turning, she said, "I know it's you. No heartbeat."

She straightened, rising to her knees on the mattress, and effectively giving herself more height. "What do you want?"

"Are you alright?" I asked, my voice hardly a whisper.

"Get out," Leah ordered, her anger flaring to life. She stood and turned to look at me head on. Her eyes were red from crying. "Get out before I rip you apart and bury the pieces." Her volume rose, even as it trembled. "Get out!" She lunged at the door, and I stepped back, afraid she was going to attack me. But she merely slammed the door shut.

Within the room, I could hear her beginning to cry and tear at the mattress again, little angry screams muted slightly by the door.

"I'm sorry," I said, not sure if she would have heard me, or listened even if she did. "I'm sorry for everything." And I walked away, leaving Leah with her inner torment.

* * *

AN: The next chapter is something I have been looking forward to since I started writing this fic. Anyone who was at the Washington signing- please PM me. I have some questions for you.


	21. Chapter Twenty: Sam

AN: So... yeah, this isn't the signing. In fact, I never intended to write this chapter. It just sort of... happened. And Leah went ahead and told me exactly what happened in her past when I intended to keep it to what we already know from the books. So... yeah. I'll be back on track shortly.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything but Samantha. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

Leah

"Then don't you talk about Bella to me, Leah Clearwater." Jacob's deep voice lacked the command of Alpha, but that didn't take away the sting. If anything, it made it worse. Either he was too weak to take control, or he pitied me. Both made me angry.

But it didn't make me as angry as Jacob's hurtful words. There was very little that people could say to make me miserable. But Sam and Emily were off limits, especially when they were being used to hurt me. I trembled with more than anger.

I was losing control.

Jacob's spite spewed out and burned through me. I was torn between the desire to fight and deny the pain, or to run. The shivers ran across my skin, tantalizing, electrifying…

It felt good to be wolf. It felt good to turn into something stronger and faster than humans were ever meant to be. It was anything but weak. The desire pulled at me, dragging me away from rationality.

I turned and ran through the door with what few moments I had left, one hand throwing the door open, and the other fumbling with the tie on my sarong. It loosened just enough to slide free as I landed four-legged on the ground. I started running.

_Leah?_

There was no mistaking who it was. I knew his voice by heart.

I'd escaped Jacob, but being a wolf wasn't the freedom I had wanted. The others were there, in my head. I could feel their curiosity as they fought against the urge to ask me what had happened. I knew anyway. I wasn't going to tell them.

_Go away, Sam. I don't want to talk to you now. _I'd rather not talk to him ever. If I never saw him, maybe I could hate him, tell stories about him to my friends about how he was such a jerk and all those other things girls said about a guy after a bad breakup.

Sam sighed. It wasn't an impatient sigh. It was the sigh of someone who's realized they're in a position to do absolutely nothing.

_Leah-_

_Go AWAY, Sam. Or didn't you hear me the first time?_

Hegave a mental nod to the other pack members, and they shifted, giving us privacy. _ I'm sorry, Leah. If I could change things, I would._

I wanted to snap his head off and watch it roll away for those words alone. _I'm sorry? _I asked, bitterness giving my words an edge of sarcasm. _I'm sorry? Is that all you can say? Oh yeah, that's right. You really can't do anything. Except screw my cousin, my dear best friend, and get her pregnant. And let's not forget about the lovely keepsake and hospital bills the decorative scarring left her with._

He winced. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I never did know when to let go.

_And how much did you keep secret about us? Like the fact that we were talking about getting married? And that I was about to move in with you? _

_Leah…_

_Or that I thought I was pregnant? _

The words sat there between us, barbed and hurtful. We'd both known for years, but never given the words a voice. I had planned on telling him that week Emily came, before he imprinted. Before it would have been unwelcome news. Before everything changed. I was never able to tell him. Not that it mattered anyway. It was a fluke, just like I was.

_It would have killed her. And I would have condemned her to an unhappy life._

I wasn't surprised that he hadn't told Emily. In the beginning, he would have done anything to win her over. And after he'd destroyed her face, she'd accepted him and the life he could offer her. There wasn't any reason to tell her after that.

_It wouldn't have changed anything. _Sam's voice was patient. _I'd already imprinted. I couldn't have loved your child even if…_

_Our child,_ I corrected_. He or she would have been our child._

He shook his head. _No, Leah. It would have been all yours. I couldn't have been there for you, and a child couldn't make me go against an imprint. If I ever had to choose between Emily and… _ _But it doesn't really matter anyway. You weren't. Nothing ever came of it. _

I seethed. _So you're saying it doesn't matter? I don't know if you've noticed, Sam, but it really does matter. It's my life, or what's left of it. _

_Leah…_

_Don't. You made your choices._

_I can't help but choose Emily. I love Emily. She is my everything. I can't love you, not like that. Not like you deserve. You can't hurt me by bringing this up again. You got screwed over by fate, but there is nothing any one of us can do to change that. _

_And that's what you're willing to settle for? "We can't help it, so we'll live with it"? What kind of crap is that?_

_The kind I can live with. You just need to be able to find the same._

_I don't need to tell myself lies to make myself feel better, Sam. Not like some people I know._

I shifted back before I could hear him reply, and began to run. One step, two. I lost count in the rhythm. I lost everything in it.

A branch cut my cheek. The stinging was almost a relief. I wiped the blood away and continued running, stretching my legs to take me as far as they could.

I leapt over a rocky patch, ignoring the undergrowth that whipped against me. My bare feet smacked against the ground, and I became nothing more than the rhythm of my breathing and heartbeat and movement. Thinking hurt, so I avoided it.

I didn't know where I was or how far I had gone when I finally couldn't run any more. All I knew was that I couldn't escape the pain and thoughts just by running. I turned and walked back the way I'd come, too weary to avoid thinking about Sam and Emily.

It wasn't fair, obviously. My best friend got everything I wanted, and I wasn't able to cut clean to find something else to want instead. I was still stuck here, watching them together.

There was no escape. I couldn't stop myself from shifting long enough to lose the ability. Even in all this time, I'd never gained enough control to manage it for very long. I was too angry, I supposed. Sam kept me angry, ironic but true.

Imprinting sucked. I hoped I never imprinted, ever. Not just because it turned you into a slave willing to do anything for the imprintee, but because nothing was your choice anymore. Sure, my life sucked right now, but at least I could do something about it. I wouldn't have that freedom if I imprinted. Even if I was happy. Hell, happiness was overrated anyway.

If I did imprint, maybe it would prove that something wasn't wrong with me. Imprinting probably existed to carry on the bloodlines, to pass the wolf genes along to the next generation. Which meant that Sam should have imprinted on me- I had a stronger tie to the wolf genes than Emily. Unless I couldn't have kids.

If Sam didn't want me, why on earth did I want kids? It didn't make sense. Except… I remembered how _joyful_ I felt when I thought I was pregnant. Sam and I were going to have a family, it was just a little earlier than expected. And everything, in that moment, was how it was supposed to be. Nothing was right after that moment. It was the last time I'd ever felt that kind of unhindered, bewildering happiness.

Okay, maybe it wasn't so overrated. I wanted a happily ever after. I wanted everything I thought I was going to have. I wanted to marry Sam and have a family. I wanted to settle down with the love of my life. I wanted so many things I couldn't have.

I couldn't even hate Emily. I knew what she was getting. Anyone would have jumped at Sam if he'd given them the time of day. And it wasn't as if she could walk away from him once he'd scarred her for life. Who would have loved her with that face? And Emily wasn't the kind to live alone. She needed someone with her, even if that someone was the someone I loved.

Scratch that- I did hate Emily. I hated Sam. I hated the wolf thing more. And even beyond that, I hated the things that caused the change to come in the first place. I hated the Cullens. If they had never come back to Forks, or even if they'd waited a couple years, the initial change never would have been triggered. I hated everything that had a hand in making me miserable, be it a god or fate- certainly not karma, but something or someone was screwing with my life.

The clearing came into view. I hadn't even noticed the sun going down, but I'd been preoccupied. I crossed the clearing to the house. Its door was open, just as I'd left it. I stepped over the threshold and picked up my sarong, tying it around myself, and hoping I wasn't too much of a mess to stain it too badly.

My feet hurt, and I looked behind me to see bloody footprints on the ground. Great. Just great. If I hadn't noticed my feet bleeding all over the place, what else had I not noticed?

I went to the bathroom. You wouldn't think that bloodsuckers would need bathrooms in their homes, but I suppose that any potential buyers might wonder why there wasn't a bathroom. And as for the giant mirror covering an entire wall? It was kind of disturbing. But maybe they liked to stare at themselves. They _were_ incredibly beautiful, even I had to admit it.

What I was looking at definitely wasn't beautiful. I wouldn't recommend running naked through the woods. Even with my quick ability to heal and my tougher-than-average skin I looked like someone had tried, and succeeded, to shove me in a blender.

My arms were the worst in terms of bleeding all over the place. Bits of dried blood clung to my skin, on top of where the cuts had healed. But the worst to see were the three strips of blood across one side of my face where a branch, or several, had clipped me.

Emily. I looked like Emily. My hand went up to touch my cheek, and I blinked, my eyes suddenly tearing up. The pain was too close to my eye, apparently.

There wasn't any water, so I licked my palm and rubbed it against my face, trying to get rid of the blood. The roughness of my hands scratched my skin. It was still too tender, too close. I refused to look like Emily. I refused to have anything to do with her.

The tears came, blurring my vision, spilling out of my eyes in ceaseless streams. I ran back to the bedroom I'd staked out. No one should see this. No one could see this. Didn't they know I was Leah? I could handle anything. I could handle everything.

Just not Sam.

"Damn him," I murmured. Damn Sam. Damn Jacob. Damn everyone and everything. Damn Emily. Damn… I couldn't even bear to think of their daughter. I erased her name from my mind. Without a name, I didn't have to hate her. Without a name, she almost didn't matter.

I stretched out on the dusty mattress, not bothering to take off my sarong. And I was certainly not about to shift, to give me that extra layer of fur and eight annoying extra voices in my head.

Now my nose was starting to run. Damn it. The word seemed to be the only rational thought I had. I sniffed, and a sob escaped my throat.

I dug my hands into the mattress and took a deep breath, trying to gain control of myself, pressing my eyes shut to stop the waterworks. It didn't work. Another sob wrenched itself out of me. I just wanted it all to stop. Why couldn't I stop?

In that moment, the door creaked. Someone was here.

I froze, anger bubbling up to replace the despair. Jacob? No. Jacob wouldn't have been able to stand there, silent as death. I'd have heard him.

"Samantha," I accused. She'd been watching me. "I know it's you. No heartbeat." I sat up, trying to preserve some dignity. I didn't let her see my face, which had to be blotchy and red and tear-streaked. Super sight did not make crying look any better than it would have looked to a human.

Samantha didn't respond, and I asked, "What do you want?"

"Are you alright?" she whispered.

I wasn't expecting compassion from her. I wasn't prepared for it. It snuck past my defenses and undid me inside. That single question left me with two options, breaking down, or flipping out. I knew which one I was better at.

"Get out," I ordered, and turned around, showing my face in its full glory. Samantha winced, and I felt a small twist of perverse pleasure in the pit of my stomach. I stood, preparing to make my move. "Get out before I rip you apart and bury the pieces."

She didn't move. Didn't she understand me? Couldn't she tell that I meant it?

"Get out!" I repeated, and ran at the door. Samantha jumped, taking a step back. Dismay stared at me from the brilliantly red eyes.

I slammed the door shut in her face, and turned back to the mattress, which I started beating to death. A spring flew out and hit my arm.

That was all it took to get the waterworks going again. I lay down on the bed, and cried for a very long time.

I didn't remember falling asleep. But when I opened my eyes, it was morning and the sun was shining, my head was aching, and I was lying curled up on a metal spring. I pulled it out and tossed it against the wall.

Everything seemed much clearer now. I wasn't so emotional as to lose it again, and I felt easy, comfortable, inside my skin, as if all the constant tension had just… disappeared.

But there were things that I needed to do. And I couldn't stay here with Samantha, not for a while. She'd gotten too close, and I needed some space. Very few people had seen me like that. Those people were either forced to live through it with me, or were dead, or had betrayed me. And damn it, I liked Samantha, even if she was a bloodsucker.

Besides, who else could go to Seattle? Who else could go to a Twilight signing but a girl? I was the only one who wouldn't draw attention. And Samantha had to stay here. There was no way to keep her corralled near so many people.

Jacob was the next step. He needed to okay my leaving. I listened for him, and heard him snoring in the background. He was about to get the wakeup of his life. I wasn't inclined to be nice to someone who gave me hell yesterday.

I walked into his room without knocking. It wasn't like he was going to wake up for that anyway. Jacob loved his sleep. He was sprawled across the bed, limbs trailing across all four sides of the mattress. This was going to be fun.

If there had been running water in the house, I would have doused him with a cold bucketful. That would have been incredibly entertaining. But I could make do without it.

Quietly, I took hold of one side of the mattress, and flipped Jacob's sleeping body onto the hardwood floor. He was airborne for a half a second, still asleep. There was a satisfying thud, the snoring stopped, and then Jacob got up, looking over the mattress at me, confused.

"Leah?" he said, his voice groggy.

I set the mattress down. "I need to leave," I said.

"Where? Why?" He was still trying to get his bearings, blinking sleep from his eyes.

"You need me to go to the signing. If you and our friend the leech stick around here, you should be fine. I just wanted to warn you before I left." I could see the understanding dawn on him. Now he was awake.

"Are you leaving now?"

"Yes."

Jacob tilted his head a little as he considered this. "But it shouldn't take you that long to get there, why-"

"There's more than getting there. I have to get a copy of the book, I have to be showered and presentable… There's nothing that says crazy person more than BO and greasy hair with twigs in it." That was true, but it wasn't the whole truth.

He nodded slowly, waiting for me to say the real reason I was leaving now. I didn't react. I didn't want to tell him.

"Okay. Go ahead," he said softly, giving me permission to leave.

I turned to go, and heard him say, "You didn't have to flip me out of bed, you know."

I looked back at him and raised my eyebrows. "I didn't?" I caught the ghost of a smile before he turned away. We were good again. It just happened like that.

As I began walking to the door, Samantha materialized next to me. I wish she wouldn't just appear. It was creepy.

"Are you leaving because of me?" she asked, her face full of concern.

I shook my head. "Yes and no. I'm leaving to go to the signing, to get into contact with the Cullens. In a way, that's because of you."

"That isn't what I meant," she said. "Are you angry with me?"

So that's what was bothering her.

"No, I'm not. I should be, and anyone else would be getting hell, but I'm not angry with you." It was odd, but it was the truth.

"Will I see you again?"

I nodded. "I'll be back in a couple days."

Only then did she look relieved. "Okay. Be safe." Her arm twitched, as though she wanted to do something and stopped herself the second before.

I eyed her cautiously. "Um, thanks. You too."

"'Bye." She stood there, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

Sudden understanding dawned on me. "You don't want me to leave, do you?"

Samantha looked down at the ground. She was actually embarrassed. Either she didn't want to be left alone with Jacob, or she was going to miss me. And there was no way in hell that a bloodsucker could miss me.

"You'll be fine," I told her. "I gotta go."

She nodded. "Okay. Can you… Can you find out how Brianne is? My parents, maybe?"

I melted inside again. After all this, she still wanted to know. In her place, I'd rather have imagined them happy and safe. But when I looked into her eyes to tell her that, I saw the sincerity there. Funny how eyes so unnatural looking would cause me to feel so at ease. "I'll try. Don't piss Jacob off too much, and I'll be back before you know I'm gone."

And instead of going through another painfully long and unnecessary goodbye, I untied my sarong, and shifted, running out the door, and back to La Push. Time to figure out how I was getting in to see Stephenie Meyer without a ticket.

* * *

Thanks for sticking with me, people! I will finish this story off if it kills me.


	22. Chapter Twenty One: Home

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Leah, Seth, or Sue Clearwater, and I am not making money off of this work.

AU: Again, not the signing. I apologize. I will stop promising that it's the next chapter. But this chapter is extremely important. It's setting something up that is super important. If you can tell me where this is going, I'll be impressed.

* * *

Leah

I walked home from Denali, something that took me considerably longer than running would have. I liked the silence. The silence in my own head was even better than the lack of chattering voices outside of it. Either my mother was on my case about normal things like chores and college applications I no longer had time for, or the pack was there, and none of them knew how to shut up their thoughts. I was away from certain people and certain troubling thoughts of my own, as long as I didn't let myself walk into them.

Life seemed much simpler without people in it. The chirping birds, the squirrels and raccoons scrabbling in the trees didn't mind me, as I didn't mind them. There was no drama. And I felt happy and at peace.

Maybe I should just become a hermit.

I had to laugh at myself. I never would be able to survive on my own. I needed other people, if only to push against them. It gave me some reason for being here when everything sucked so much.

I was finally back in La Push. Here. Home. My safe place, my retreat. My own personal hell. I stared at the peeling paint and wooden boards of my house. Neither Seth nor my mom was going to be there. Seth had his job at the supermarket in Forks. He'd taken that job for me, so we would have enough food to stay away from Emily's. And mom was at some meeting or another. She said she hated not doing anything, but I always thought she couldn't stand to be in the house alone just like I couldn't.

The nervousness I was feeling surprised me. I wanted to run away and never come back. Never face the rest of the pack again, never face Emily or Sam. Never face my mother, who always managed to get into a fight with me. She didn't have that easygoing nature that my dad had. We were both too stubborn to get along for more than a couple of days. All that together was enough to make my life miserable. I never had wanted to stay this long. I was going to go to college and get a degree and get married and leave La Push… Every time I walked in that door, it felt like maybe it was possible after all.

It was familiar. It was what I knew. It had all the memories of a life that I used to have that was so perfect and wonderful and normal. There was the rickety railing that I helped my dad build onto the porch, back when Billy Black could still walk but not as easily as the rest of us. I'd been upset. A hammer and nails weren't my idea of fun back then, and I couldn't help but complain. Dad had told me that our doors were open for anyone to come in, and they weren't open if people couldn't get inside without help. I'd stopped complaining after that.

I brushed my hand against the railing. The wood was smooth from use. And the place smelled like home.

I just needed some time to regroup was all. I had some serious planning ahead of me. Getting to Stephenie Meyer was going to be a challenge. She was going to be guarded, there were fans everywhere, and probably security as well.

The door opened with a creak. It had needed to be oiled since I could remember.

"Hello?" My mother's voice entered the main room from the kitchen.

"Mom," I said, surprised, "you're home."

"Heard you were coming back. I wanted to talk with you before Seth came home."

That was never a good sign.

"Mom, I'm okay, no one died, I have all of my limbs…"

She came into the room with some leafy greens in a bowl. I looked at it warily. Ever since Dad had his heart attack, she'd vowed that her children would be healthy and outlive her even if she had to force-feed us carrots.

"If you were hurt, I would know. Someone would let me know immediately. No, this is about where you've been the past several days."

Crap.

"Leah, I will not let you live in this house to run away for who knows how long. I won't take it. You say goodbye to me like a proper human being."

"I'm not human," I said under my breath, my teeth clenched.

Her eyes flashed. "Yes, you are."

I took a deep breath and let it out again. "I wasn't running, Mom. I was with Jacob. We were patrolling, and something came up."

"And? You couldn't let me know you wouldn't be home for a few days?"

"I'm sure Seth told you. Why is this such a big deal?"

"Because even Seth didn't mention it until I asked. He thought you would have warned me."

Oops.

"What is so important that you forget to tell me something so common sense?"

"It's complicated." I didn't want to tell her, but I knew she wouldn't take anything less than an explanation. Ever since the third book had come out, and she'd heard about The Battle that Seth and I had fought in, the one we didn't tell her about, and the one where my stupidity had almost gotten me killed, she'd insisted on knowing every detail of pack life. I insisted on having my privacy somewhere and if I couldn't have it with the pack, I'd have it at home. The ensuing arguments resulted in hurt feelings, anger, silent treatments, and even more arguments.

She narrowed her eyes. "Try me."

We stared each other down for a few moments before I gave in. "We screwed up, okay? We didn't go patrolling in the right areas, called it quits before we should have, and missed two vampires." I sat down in a chair that had one leg too short to reach the ground, and rocked slightly. It clicked against the wooden floor in an uneven rhythm.

"How many did we lose?" Her voice turned softer.

"Just one. She was watching over her sister. The two of them were here by themselves. But we missed her. By the time I found her, she'd gone all bloodthirsty."

"I heard about her. The car that went over the cliff? That was her?" She sat down. "You had to chase her down? That's what took you so long?"

I turned my face away. I knew she wasn't going to like the next part. "No. She went to a place where she knew we'd find her, and begged me to kill her before she hurt anyone."

"Then…"

"Then we couldn't do it. Jacob and I took her up to Denali-"

"You couldn't do it? What were you thinking?" The understanding promptly left my mother's voice. She was angry now, angrier than when I had come in.

"She was our mistake. We could have saved her!" The anger was bubbling up in me no matter how hard I tried to keep it down.

My mother stared at me. "Tell me, have you ever made a mistake before? Have you ever found someone too late?"

I didn't want to answer, but I couldn't stay silent. "Yes."

"Did you do what needed to be done?"

I closed my eyes. "Yes." There had been times when we'd found the poor humans dying with the vampire venom burning the humanity away from them, and we'd had to put them out of their misery. It wasn't something we were proud of or relished. Each death was another reminder that we'd failed those we were protecting. The newborns weren't human enough to make us feel remorse over killing. Until Samantha.

"Why was this one so different?"

"She just is." I crossed my arms before I realized I was acting like a three year old and uncrossed them.

"You endangered the tribe. You endangered your own pack. What, does she have some special power to let you think you're controlling her when it's the other way around?"

"You didn't meet her. You didn't hear her beg us to tell her sister that she was okay after we killed her. You didn't see how much she hated all of this, how much she wants it all to be a nightmare, that maybe someday she can go back to being human and living the life she always wanted to live, a normal one with a normal guy and a normal job. If she has a power, it's to be human still, even through everything. She hasn't killed anyone. She has amazing restraint. She can learn to not be dangerous. She's more human than most of the people we've saved. We made a judgment call, and I'm sorry you don't approve, but it's under Jacob's orders, and they go above yours."

I was breathing hard and shaking I was so angry. I held my hand up, a cue my mother and I had decided on after I'd busted the window out in my bedroom few years ago. Deep breaths. I focused on taking the air into my lungs, filling them as full as I could before letting the air leave again.

My mother watched me for a moment, and then said, "This isn't finished, you know."

"I know," I replied. When she thought I was ready to argue again, she'd bring it up. She wasn't one for forgetting.

She set the salad in front of me. "You've got to be hungry. Eat something."

"No weird vegetables like okra?" I asked cautiously.

She shook her head. "Okra doesn't grow too well here. This is all fresh stuff. "

I didn't like salads as much as I used to, too little protein in them to do my metabolism much good. But I respected the effort. It was as close to motherly as she got.

I picked up the fork and started munching on the greens. Mom watched as I chewed and then swallowed.

"What? I'm not going to go and hide it somewhere, I promise. I grew out of that when I was still in preschool."

She shook her head. "It's nothing. I just worry about you, is all. About how you jump into things without considering the consequences. Someday, that's going to get you hurt."

I set the bowl down again. "Mom, I've been hurt before. It isn't that bad. I heal pretty fast. Broken bones take a week max, and cuts and bruises leave within the hour."

"I didn't mean that kind of hurt."

"Oh. Well, I can deal. It's not like you can protect me from everything forever."

"Just… promise me one thing." She had a very serious look on her face, the one that told me that blowing off the answer was not going to cut it.

"What is it?"

"Promise me you will consider your loyalties very carefully. Trusting the wrong side will get you killed."

I felt like she'd stabbed me in the gut. "I wasn't aware there were sides."

"There are always sides when there's war. This patrolling? Did you really think it was just recreational?"

I stood up, angry again. "You know, I'm not hungry anymore. I'm going to take a shower. Tell Seth I want to talk to him when he gets back. We have two days to plan before the fans head out to the signing. Extra tourists means extra patrols." I wasn't going to tell her that I was heading into Seattle. She'd already gotten on my case enough. "Goodnight, Mom."

I walked past her and into my bedroom, without looking back at her over my shoulder.

* * *

AN: I will try to have the next chapter up faster than this one. Cross my heart.

Oh, and we'll be getting a lot of Leah for a while. She's got a lot to do.


End file.
